Tamara Shazam!

This was my birthday weekend (my parents took our kids for the night) and, as a result, I decided to slacken my tight hold on my diet. We went to Trader Joes to get some healthier snacks and I came home with a wide variety of Greek dips and delicious nuts and the Trader Joe’s brand pop chips. I enjoyed my feast last night and promptly fell asleep around 9:30 right after the point in Ghostbusters when they get their first gig… Talk about living it up while the kids are gone! We had a great time! Then 2:00 rolled around and I tasted everything I ate again with the resulting indigestion. Pleasant. Once again, I received that special reminder that crap food makes me feel like crap. Will I never learn?!

That’s me in my Adventuretime LSP costume. Today’s pictures will have little to do with anything except Halloweenish awesomeness.

Here’s Beemo and me, chilling all Adventuretime style.
Anyhow, that Beemo dude and I have been killing the miles. In the past seven days we’ve run a very respectable 16.7 miles. We’ve totally been keeping up with the mileage I set for myself and I am really proud.
I’m tired, though. When I run lately, I am hearing those negative voices of doubt and failure creeping in- the likes of which I haven’t heard since before I became a runner. Today we ran to a local park, through it and back home, a total of 3.3 miles, and I had to keep coaching myself to move forward, to not walk, to not give up. It was strange because I’ve always been so determined but lately, I’m not sure what it is, the increased mileage, additional speed, the reality of working and working out daily- whatever it is has me with a need of a real attitude adjustment. I finally said aloud to myself that I needed to remember how determined I am and I need to quit letting negative thoughts dominate my head. After that I did better.
The funny thing is how freaked out I get when I don’t work out, so I know it’s not even an option to not get a bit of a run in. And as long as I’m running, I might as well make it worth my time by running three miles to burn up some real calories… It’s a vicious cycle!

My dear daughter. So beautiful…

I’m nuts about nuts. Seriously. The shifty cashew (another legume masquerading as a nut, sheesh!) and the sultry allure of the smoked almond… Shall I wax poetic? Pair either with a piece of chocolate and you have the kind of trifecta that has almost bested me all week. Because of that tub of cashews and the tub of smoked almonds, I’ve been maintaining all week. Not to mention I actually ate some real chips at work (like a handful) and there may or may not have been some ritz bits (cheese- I have a love/hate relationship with overly processed cheese) or a handful of peanut m&ms. And candy corn. Then I sit back and wonder why I’m not losing weight. Ha ha!
I haven’t been this bad in a long time. A looooooonnng time!
I’m back on track though now. How do I know? Conference week is over, the treats are no longer in the staff room, I hid the nuts we own from myself and did I mention I finished conferences? I’m not kidding that this is the picture I took of the moment I stepped off campus today and made my way home:

I think I was a little happy (I know I look in pain but I’m not)! But who wouldn’t be? I had a great conference week (I have the most wonderful families-AGAIN!), and staying late those two nights means I have two half days where I can actually leave early, today and tomorrow! Now I can celebrate my birthday with my husband, away from the children while they are at school (this is a first for that!). I don’t even know what we are going to do, but I feel so full- of happiness, love, satisfaction and joy. Let my fortieth birthday begin, and my 41st year of life become mine. 🙂
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Goals for this insane week… How am I doing?
I made a pretty big menu of work outs this week and so far… I’m perfecto. Well, not perfect. ‘Doing Weights’ is fairly subjective and I didn’t give myself a specific time allowance… LOL. Of course the weights are where I’m failing. But at running three miles? I’m golden. We’ve actually been running about 3.3 miles. Suddenly I’m a little slower, but I think that is just my body responding to the additional distance. I mean, really, I went from regularly running 1.3-1.8 miles at a time to consistent 3.3-3.5 miles at a time. I doubled or more than doubled the distance, so I think my slower speed is excusable.

I checked day one of conferences off about three hours ago! It feels good! I actually am the rare one who likes conferences. I can chit chat all day until the cows come home, and conferences are just that: chatting about all these cool little people I get to hang out with all day every day all week long! And no, that is not tongue in cheek at all. I love teaching, being a teacher and working with children with passion. The system I do it in can be a bit sticky, but we do our best.
I committed to running three miles this afternoon and I followed through with that commitment. We headed out as soon as I arrived home and we made a slowish pace over 3.3 miles. My thighs are really burning lately on my runs. That’s been interesting. I don’t know why my thighs feel so much stress lately! I got to 3.1 miles and decided to walk the remaining .2 miles the rest of the way home. The other day we walked about a mile after our run and I really enjoyed having relaxed time to walk and chat with my love. The next good thing about the cool down walk is that I’m ready for the hot tub when I get home- I’m not boiling hot! Quick shower and I can go right in.

‘Blur’- the dog. Do you think Miss Martha is happy about the autumnal weather?!

Nine days till I’m going to be 40. How weird is that?! I was thinking about this year and how much I I love my birthday but I hate getting older. I’m surprisingly ok with turning forty in a few days. I think, though, if I had failed to meet my goals or make significant positive changes in my life I wouldn’t be feeling so ducky. Before I started making changes I was feeling slow, full of pain, lethargic, sleepy, depressed, annoyed and really, I wasn’t very nice to myself. Things have changed a lot. It has less to do with weightloss and more to do with the frame of mind that came with it. I’m so happy and confident now. If this is what I feel like at forty then I really don’t think it’s a bad thing. I’m the healthiest I have ever been in my life now. Talk about peaking late in life!

Our whole family has a cold. Each of us is in various stages of the cold- Boyo is pretty much done, Girly is at the tail end, mine is at phase two of the beginning, and Bradley is just coming into it. That said, exercise is really important to us. I get antsy and agitated and irritable if I don’t get out to move every day, not to mention paranoid that I’m going to lose my momentum and stop exercising altogether or something. So yesterday we went to a local park to take a little walk with two playgrounds and many chestnut trees.
Today I said phooey to the cold and asked Bradley to go for a run with me. Last year I remember that running was really helpful when I had a cold. It’s like the excessive air going in and out of my lungs cleanses me out or something. Whatever it is, I like it because I stay healthier. Today we ran a little slower than usual and did just under three miles. It felt pretty good and I was proud of my lungs for doing so well.

I haven’t made short term goals for a while. This week is conference week and it will offer me some extra food intake opportunities and it will compromise my ability to exercise every day. I’m committing to:
Monday: 3 miles
Tuesday: late work night- eat smart + weights
Wednesday: late work night – eat smart + weights
Thursday: 3-4miles
Friday: 3 miles + weights
Saturday: 3 miles
Sunday: 2 miles + weights
It’s a lot but I think I can do it and I might even lose a few pounds this week. I gained two pounds last week (moved up to 222) and I lost that this week. This morning the Wii weighed me in at 220 as did my digital scale. My next pounds lost will find me in the teens! I’m only 30 pounds away from my husband’s weight! I remember when I was about 125 pounds heavier than him! I’m amazed when he picks me up now or I can sit on his lap without worrying about breaking him. 🙂

Last year we went to our local theater to see South Pacific. It was wonderful, of course, but the same thing happened there that happened at every theater- the seat was tight. While the seats in our theater aren’t terribly small, I have spent time in some pretty tight seats, spilling over onto my husband and apologetically leaning away from my stranger seatmate. In some theaters my hips would just be squeezed tight, but in others I would find the arm rests digging into my hips.
But tonight- TONIGHT!

Tonight we returned to the theater to see Annie and I had room enough for me AND my coat to sit alongside me. On top of that, there was no need to lean at all and the arm rest was not an issue as I can rest my hands in my lap. The world is so different when it accommodates me. I don’t feel apologetic about taking up too much space and I trust that I’ll fit in spaces- restaurant booths, airplane chairs, seat belts, roller coasters and, yes, theater seats. 🙂

Yesterday I was feeling all cocky, having done a really neat cooperation demonstration with our whole school. I had that ‘I just wrapped up a big project’ kind of feeling when I realized we had the jog-a-thon today and I had yet to make the playlist! AAAAHhhhaagh! So I hustled home and purchased such hot hits like ‘What Does the Fox Say?!’, ‘I Like to Move It Move It’ and who can run with 100 children and not Lady Gaga?! Not us. I put it together at the last minute but the playlist was a goodie. The kids were happy and it was a great celebration to end the fund raiser with! I’m so proud of our PTSA for rewarding us with a fun run. So cool. I ran 18 laps which was on the lower end of the pack for my class and I was the slowest adult runner there. I didn’t care though. 🙂 People at my school said that six laps was equal to a mile, my Strava said I only ran 1.8, BUT that I ran it in ten minute miles. Bradley kindly reminded me that Strava has a tough time reading small loops, so that may have something to do with it too. It was fun to get my workout done during the workday, though!
My interesting learning today was that I, indeed, notice the difference when running with and without the the inhaler. I forgot it at home, then realized that I forgot it and thought I have always ran without it, I’ll be fine… But I totally felt the difference today and I’ve been coughing ever since my run. Not fun. I did learn something, though.
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I’ve actually been struggling with diet lately. The birthday cake threw me for a serious loop. When I eat sugar like that it totally throws my body out of whack. Ever since I ate that cake I haven’t lost any weight. Furthermore, I’ve been craving food like nobody’s business! Like, last night, we ate a normal dinner of pizza- Amy’s Organic, whole grain, loaded with extra protein and lots of veggies. Yummy and healthy. Then I had some almonds. And a little slice of birthday cake. That damn, yummy, delicious birthday cake! Why am I such a gifted birthday cake baker and creator of icing?! Oh, the crosses some of us must bear. Anyhow. Then I realized I didn’t run, didn’t work out and didn’t want or plan to, so I needed to stop eating but my body was all like, “You can’t tell me what to do!” in a Fat Albert voice and I wanted to eat and eat and eat until I felt full. I ended the night pretty well, considering.
After the insanity of the fat Albert incident I headed to the hot tub to get away from the kitchen. When I came back through I drank a huge glass of water, then another. My stomach felt uncomfortably full so I headed upstairs. As soon as the water started filtering through me, I wanted to eat more! So I ate some pop chips (100 calories) and drank more water. That seemed to do the trick and it was over. Soooo annoying.
Today I was sick of it and kicked Fat Albert to the curb. Tonight I ate a pita with chik and lots of veggies (avocado, peppers, tomatoes, onions), a side of peas and for dessert a Mounds ice cream bar. Know what? I was done after that. It felt good to be done with those cravings.

After the birthday we had a lot of birthday cake. Like I’ve said before, cake is not my thing. I have only eaten about two slices which I think is pretty awesome! I gained two pounds this weekend, but I’m not counting it. I think it’s just water because I was a pretty good kid, stayed close to my target and exercised with a run on Saturday and Sunday.

I feel like I’m doing a pretty good job of exercising using my new plan. I’ve been hitting the three miles really well and quite consistently. My weekend runs will be about four miles for now, and slowly I’ll raise it up to a five miler on weekends and three on weekdays. That should serve me well.
I started using the inhaler. I take a couple of puffs before I run and MAN! I can breathe for my entire run! It’s awesome! I didn’t think it would make that big of a difference!

It was birthday time last night. We invited six guests over for an epic circus/rainbow/candy party complete with carnival games and hour long scavenger hunt. The scavenger hunt had about two miles of miles factored in, so we even got to move a little!
The food was no problem for me, even though cake, cookie dough pops, lollipops and other treats abounded. I just ate normal food and nibbled a little on some chocolate covered pretzels. The girls all crashed by one in the morning and slept until almost eight! It all went really well!

Before the festivities began, however, I had an interesting doctor’s appointment. I went in to check my stomach inside and outside. I have a weird stomach issue that resulted in an ulcer for me that gives me substantial pain once a week or so. So I had to get a test to see how that is going and hopefully to get another round of medicine to cure it.
I also talked about my belly skin. I asked my doctor to just document that I have excess skin hanging off of me and its causing some rashes and making clothing uncomfortable. I thought I would have to fight for skin augmentation, but she was totally onboard and made notes about it for my file. It was nice to have that service actually be accessible to me so far. I have about 50 pounds to lose before I want to think seriously about the skin decision, but I have to say it seems like a really nice thing to do.
Lastly, I talked with her about exercise induced asthma. She and I both determined that I probably have a mild case of exercise induced asthma and I got an inhaler to use on very hot and/or humid days when I can predict future chest tightening. While I will probably only rarely use it, I’m glad to have it in my arsenal. She was incredibly positive about my weightloss and wished me much luck in my future success. She had no problem with me running and saw no reason to stop because of joint issues. It was tremendously reaffirming to hear her say that!

I wake up around 5:00 and obsessively read stuff online until it’s my actual get up time of about 6:00. Really, though, that is just finally when I feel like its ok to wake up my darling dear husband with snuggle time so I ignore that time and wait until 7:00 after two little kids have joined us and its a big ole cuddle fest until when it’s 7:15 and I’ll have to rush around all in a panic. I just really like my bed!
But this isn’t really going to be a play by play of my whole day! I was just going to write down a few sample days of what I eat and how much I work out.
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Tuesday:
Breakfast- one Morningstar sausage patty, one slice of Dave’s Killer Bread, smart balance light buttery spread, chai coffee with half and half and real sugar, supplements (magnesium, B, ginkgo, C, COQ10)
Lunch: raspberry choibani Greek yogurt, 3/4 cup crunchy stuff (raw oatmeal, coconut, walnuts, cashews, sesame seeds, chia seed, peanut butter chips), tablespoon of natural peanut butter, 3 strawberries, 1/2 cup pineapple
Dinner: pomegranate choibani greek yogurt, celery with peanut butter and raisins
Dessert: ice cream 🙂
Ran 2.7 miles at 10:56 pace for 30 minutes
This day was after we had gone to the store, found yogurt on sale and we needed to try them all to see which ones we wanted more of. I liked them both. 🙂
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Wednesday:
Breakfast- one Morningstar sausage patty, one slice of Dave’s Killer Bread, smart balance light buttery spread, chai coffee with half and half and real sugar, supplements (magnesium, B, ginkgo, C, COQ10)- I pretty much eat the exact same thing every day for breakfast and have for years.
Lunch: 1/4 of a Taco Time Taco Salad, the nonfat Taco Time taco, 6 mexi nuggets & diet coke (my boys brought me a rare lunch!)
Dinner: Boca Burger on a whole wheat bun with mayo, ketchup, cheese, lettuce and tomato, 100 calorie pop chips serving
Ran 2.7 miles at 10:45 pace for 30 minutes
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Every day when I get home around 4:15, I shuck my day clothes, puton work out clothes and I go for a run or use the elliptical. I typically exercise 5-6 days per week. I try to get 30 minutes of cardio in and 20 minutes of weights per day. I have not been good at weights for about two weeks now, though. I need to re-integrate them but where is the time? 🙂

I rarely see things like this that are so true about me. I love this about myself and assume everyone else does this too but will never talk about it. I have found myself, lately, sharing some of my silly, inner dialogue with Bradley. It thrills me to no end when he remembers one of my self made inside jokes with myself and uses it on me. It is with disbelief and absolute pleasure through moments like these when I realize how much I love that man.