Remember how I said it’s dark when I run these days? Today I ran with the moon at 4:45. It was beautiful. 🙂
Yes, I may have superpowers. How else can you explain how I, Tamara Littlejohn, AKA T-Diddy Lj, Cap’n Awesome and Mrs. L, ran her fastest ever mile?!
8:24 minute mile.
8:24
My average pace was 8:51!
Granted, I only ran for 1.5 miles, but they were a pretty fast 1.5 miles!!
…Contented sigh…
Yep.
One of those days.
If you’re a teacher and you have one of ‘those’ days, it’s usually because your students got ahold of a wild hare that day and went crazy. That’s what happened to me. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say that neither the children nor their teacher were in saintly-most-kind form by the last half hour. Some people, who will remain nameless, perhaps even needed to step into the hallway to count to ten before they could return to the classroom.
I wonder who I might be talking about?
Anyhow, I got home and all I could think of was my pajamas. You know how you have that one pair that you just love? The ones that are your favorites? You know them- the go-to comfort jams that soothe the worst of horrid days and look best accessorized with the remote control, a large fuzzy blanky, slippers and huge cup of tea?
I need some.
Bad.
Yeah. I’ve shrunk out of mine. Mine are big now. I do not feel at all cute or glamorous in them.
Woe is me, I know. I don’t care. Today I really want comfortable and cute jammers. But all I have are my size 3x pajamas that, while comfy, I just don’t feel charming in them. See? Look:
I just can’t ditch perfectly good jammies. Even if I do trip over them on my way down the stairs because my feet get caught up in all the fabric (no, I’m not joking).
Perhaps it is time for some smaller jams. Ha ha.
Mostly I’m just whiny complainy.
If you want to see how I decompress after a long day…
I just heard of diet better last week and boy, am I intrigued…
The deal is, basically, you pay 25 dollars a month to either lose ten percent of your weight over six months or four percent of your weight over four weeks. At the end of each month, there are winners and losers. The winners claim a cash prize and the losers lose their 25 dollars which is put into the pot to split among the winners at the end.
I know I am a contender. I’m losing weight well. Like, very well when I really put my mind to it. I could totally win some bucks and I am not adverse to using external rewards to net such an important result. This time it is fear holding me back. Going into the holidays I want to make sure I approach it reasonably. I want to be smart about my choices but I also want to leave room to indulge. My plan is to diet and exercise my butt off, then on actual Thanksgiving and actual Christmas I can cut loose a little. Skip my run. Eat some cheeze ball. Committing to losing 8.2 pounds between now and December 15th sounds like folly, but I’m thinking a 10% goal between January and June would be totally reasonable- right around 22 pounds, by today’s numbers.
The other part of me, however, is more altruistic. While I’m joining a group that is intending to lose weight, we are all betting on ourselves, that we will be successful. And we’re also kind of hoping that the people in our group won’t be successful. If they are not, we get their money. It’s greedy and self serving and while I can turn a blind eye to the whole dark side, I’m complicit in capitalizing on someone else’s failure.
Am I too worried about this? Probably.
As of now, I’m thinking it will be my new year commitment to try it out and we’ll see if I can keep up with it.
We started our run today by combining our extra large loop with the Finn Hill Park loop, creating a super loop. Only the super loop was just about 3.8 and I was hoping for closer to a five miler. You know, cuz I’m pushing my mileage? Anyhow, we followed that big loop up with the smallest loop and totaled a 4.6 mile run. At first I was disappointed I didn’t make five, then I realized I pushed past four miles with little issue. Pretty awesome. After that we walked a cool down mile with the kids. Gigi ran ahead like the dickens, running almost the whole distance. The trees were beautiful, my family happy and I had this moment where I marveled at my amazing life. I probably say that too much, but seriously, look at my little Cap’n America there. That’s happiness. That’s family. That’s why I’m doing all this.
***
Goals:
Run between 12-15 miles this week
Be honest about what you’re eating (Halloween candy is a b*tch)
During the past decade or so I decided that I was too far in life, too old, to make a positive difference in my health and weight anymore. My body, while not old and decrepit yet, was older, settled, and on its way down the other side of the proverbial hill, so why bother trying, right? Might as well settle calmly into old age, don’t fight it, age gracefully. Accept the wrinkles, the weight, the sunspots… There was actually a side of me that thought like this. Mostly it was fear- it’s scary to commit to changing your life, to looking at your choices critically, to seeing where they got you.
We all have addictions. Some of us lean on alcohol, smokes, most anyone reading this blog probably leans on food. Heavily. I leaned on food. I’m not sure why I thought my husband wouldn’t offer his shoulder to me, but instead of turning to him for support, I turned to him for a ride to the store, as a partner in pastry purchases, as my comrade in complacency. He never had a problem with food and didn’t understand what it meant to me when we went to the store to buy a pizza, reduced priced donuts and strawberry soda for dinner. I had never eaten like that before our relationship and eventually my women’s plus size 30 overalls reflected our food choices.
…But I was getting older, and I thought I was so far gone… I was a victim to my own thinking and my own food choices. At 340 pounds, looking down the scale at trying to achieve a 100 pound weight loss to 240, much less my BMI goal of 142… It seemed impossible.
But I wasn’t old. It wasn’t too late.
I’m not saying that I’m a miracle or a success story or anything like that. I’m a good distance down the path, but months of positive progress don’t add up to a weightloss success story. That will come when I’m in my 70’s and still maintaining my weight, still exercising, still living my life capably and with zest. My greatest fear is my mortality. Why would I succumb to aging and death prematurely if I didn’t have to? Why would I let this finite amount of time I have on this earth be consumed and dictated by food, my weight and my fear of my mortality instead of the love and attachment I have to my kids and husband? So I stood up and started to fight. I turned to my husband for support. What choice did I have? What choice do any of us have? My success story has a solid beginning. While I’m not a success story with a complete ending yet, I do believe that with determination I will, eventually, be a success story. I’m determined to live the best possible version of my life, at 40, at 50, at 70, at every age I have the privilege of living.
You’re never too old to make a positive change in your life. Ever.
This Week in Non-Scale Victories…
Last year I got this jacket for my birthday. I could barely squeeze into it and I could eek the zipper closed. But it was so tight I was sincerely worried that I would bust the zipper. Plus, it would roll up over my tummy unless I kept my hands in the pockets to keep it down. Yeah, tight. Cut to yesterday when I wore the jacket out and realized what a very nice jacket my husband purchased for me! It is going to the best winter jacket, and, lest we forget- it fits!. Non-scale victory… 🙂
Can you see me now? Remember when I went out and bought all that neon? First of all, let the record show that I do not like neon. As a fat girl, I am not a fan of drawing attention to how much real estate needs to be covered by a large neon panel. But, when daylight savings happens in the Pacific Northwest, we are plunged into darkness by 4:30 most days. The following picture was taken at about 4:25:
Dim and dark, but you can certainly see my shoes and shirt! Ha ha! By the time I finished my run it was full on dark with street lights and car lights blazing. The transition is amazing, how quickly it happens. Having had close calls with two cars over the past few runs, I just hope that people are paying attention to driving and not their phones. I’m totally freaked out by the texting/distracted driving stuff.
And then there was my new personal record!
My miles are getting faster! Today Bradley was running errands with the kids when I got home so I decided to head out on my own. I didn’t push myself, necessarily, but the thought of running home to my family was very motivating. I promised myself that if I saw them when I passed the house I could stop, so I pushed myself up the hill in hopes of seeing them but no luck. I ran past the house and headed around for the second loop, rounding the whole thing up to a 3.2 mile run with two sub 10 miles! Yahoo! I’m so pleased!!!!
A lot can happen in a year.
I laughed aloud as I headed out by myself down the hill. Last November I would have seen this as an opportunity to watch something good on tv, eat something sinful, take a bath, but never would I have considered a walk (much less a run) on my own. Bradley had to drag me out like a dog on a leash to exercise. I was often sullen and unpleasant. Nice. Now I love running and don’t like to skip a day. I chose to take care of myself in an entirely different, and more productive, way today and was rewarded with my own personal record. I feel quite happy and accomplished today!
We’ve gotten back into the running thing again, quite nicely. We’ve been running every day since Saturday and really feeling good. I got three new pairs of shoes for my birthday and its been interesting to try them all out. I’ll write more about them later. I am starting to realize, however, that I am getting a runner’s body: trim legs and a thick torso. You know the ones I mean. They were your high school history teacher and coached cross country. While we were running today we discussed this issue. I was reading somewhere that when you need to lose fat you just do enough cardio and lose the fat. It will come off. Yes, that is true for me too, but since I stopped doing all the abs and arms work I’ve stopped seeing differences in those areas. Even if that target focus work doesn’t specifically burn fat, it does change the area. I need to get that going again.
***
I’ve never run in November before. I’ve walked, maybe done a little hiking, but run? Unless forced by my middle and junior high school PE teachers, I’ve never been a runner in November.
It’s fun to realize things like that and celebrate. I realized recently that in a few months I’ll be celebrating my year anniversary of Tamara Shazam. It doesn’t seem like I’ve been here that long…
Anyhow, last night we had a terrific wind storm that extended into today. I watched the weather as the rain deluged the street. While I love running in the rain, my previous cold weather running experience is as a much heavier person who only ran for 10-20 minutes at a time. I now have much less of an insulating layer and I run for 30-40 minutes now. I’ve been worried about keeping warm- but not too warm! And running in the rain longer means ill be wetter when I’m done. Today I dressed warm. Too warm! I had on three layers up top plus knee socks and gloves. It was a bit much.
After not running for four days, I wanted to burn some distance. We decided to run our newest big loop that takes us off road, through a grassy park, on trails and across bridges! Today the wind storm added lots of fallen branches and other debris. It was a bit thrilling, hopping over this and around that. We ran a total of 3.3 miles at a really easy (slow) pace, then picked up the kids and the dog for an additional mile for a cool down. It was a great workout.
***
The Halloween candy is gaining a bit of ground, I’m sad to say. It’s not like I’m eating tons, but last night I ate four fun-sized something or others and today I had fun sized m+m’s, fun sized snickers and a fun sized Twix. It was fun, as the name suggests, but I broke away from the sack before it got too big a hold on me. I tell you what, though, two days after Halloween last year and we had much less candy than now.
I think it’s funny how I need to write about this so much. I suppose that should tell you what a temptation it is to me.
***
Go look at this.
I have yet to run more than five miles at a time, but I could relate to a lot of it, and that which wasn’t personal to me, I certainly could connect to the spirit. It also kind of made me want to train for a half marathon! Ha ha!
***
Finally, I figured out what my next goal reward will be: eyelash extensions! I also figured out that when I weigh 200 I’ll be just ‘overweight’ and no longer ‘obese’. I remember when I was morbidly obese. That was no fun. Life keeps getting easier as I get smaller and stronger. I can move faster, get around easier, I’m in less pain and I can do things like catch up with the runaway trick-or-treating boys on Halloween night with no problem!
Last night, while hot on the trail of 10 kids hot for trick-or-treats, I ate a mini bag of m+m’s, and a fun sized Twizzler. After all that running last week, it didn’t make a lick of difference! Look at what my scale said today! I won the Halloween candy battle!
Score:
Halloween Candy 39 to Tamara 1
39:1
Clearly I’ve not been the victor in the past, but this year I kicked its asch! Change is in the wind. 🙂
…Which is good because I can’t even remember what day I last took a run! Monday?! Eek!
That should tell you the kind of week I had.
Seriously.
***
update: This many hours and minutes later I’m realizing that this is such a silver lining and boost to see after the hellish week I had! Cheers!
Today was fine. Nothing big. I mean, I cried like a big ole baby about it being the last day I’m in my thirties and how much I love my life and I loved my thirties and my forties are gonna rock… Anyways, I think it was a little cathartic because I feel much better now. I said goodbye. Mourned it. Now I’m onto the next hot thang and that starts with the number four!
Whee.
I’ll muster the enthusiasm tomorrow.
Cuz I’m a Hawt 39 year old for the next…three hours and ten minutes!
🙂
We went for a short run today- an easy two miler around our regular longer route. On the way home the wind was blustering around like mad and the leaves were flying through the sun every which way! It was all swishy and crunchy and crackly with every step. I loved our run today.
Ok- three hours six minutes- Gotta go!
Ok. I’m just going to sit here and whine, moan, groan, all of that for a minute.
Remember last month when I was all like, “It’s like the fat is melting off of me!”
I knew I would have to eat those words.
I JUST WEIGHED MYSELF AT 226?!
226!!!
I’m in disbelief.
Have I been running?
YES
Have I been careful about my diet?
85% of the time, YES!
I know I’ve said I’ve been treating myself, but I’m still staying within my calorie allowance as long as I’ve been kicking my butt running. Sometimes the foods are not as high quality though… Heh…
So why do I weigh 226?!
WHERE DID 220 GO?!?!
PMS has something to do with it – gaining 8-10 in water weight for the thrilling PMS week is not unheard of for me, but this is ridiculous and disheartening. Especially when my body is so tired from pushing and working out so hard… I am staying off the scale until PMS is gone. Then I’ll regroup and see what I’m working with.
Today we went to the pumpkin patch and had a really nice time with my extended family- my parents, brothers, wives and kids all showed up to seek out the most sincere pumpkin in the field. We also find that this is the best time and location for a yearly family snapshot. So that was good. I was surprised with a bit of a birthday party while we were there. My mom marked my 40th by passing along the same Hummel that she bought for her own 40th birthday. I decided that I will hang onto it for the next three decades and, like the earrings we promised as a toddler and she received at ten faster than we thought possible, I’m sure it will feel like a blink in this case too before I’m passing this along.
~Time flies, and if we are lucky enough, we get to fly right along with it. (Tyler Knott Gregson).