Challenge Time

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I just got through making this huge cake for a soon-to-be five-year-old I know, love and live with. It took three cake mixes and enough cream cheese icing to put any reasonable person into a sugar coma. It’s cute though. My son chose the theme of pirate-Mario-Lego, so that was fun to mix together.

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Yeeaahhhhh….. So. This weekend’s goal? That thing’s pretty much it, right there. I can have a serving, but I can’t go nuts. On ice cream either. Fortunately I am not a cake person. But do you want to know what I am? I’m a Cheetos person. Guess what my boy brought home from the store? Cheetos- puffs AND crunchy! It is going to be a weekend.
(I made a huge cake because I LOVE baking. In the past, this is what I do when I’m bored. I tried to make a small cake, but this was about me getting to play with a medium that I rarely get to work with anymore.)
I’m feeling a little nervous because I’ve been so busy the past two days that I haven’t had time to work out. I’ve been counting calories, but no walks, rides or runs. And last night I had a dessert too. Bradley keeps telling me it’s ok, but this is how I got off track this past October. It was my daughter’s birthday, then my birthday, then thanksgiving, the holidays and before I knew it I was up 20 pounds. It flew in through my mouth and, fortunately, it’s already gone again, but I don’t want to do that again. I won’t do that again. That’s why I had Bradley get veggies and light dip for a veggie tray. Not for the kids- for ME!
So that’s why all the worry and all the over thinking.
It will all be worth it though. This will be my son’s first birthday with his pals. I’m excited for him to be the center of the action. I’m hoping they clear out that cake and those Cheetos!

Abs on Strike!

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I am not a woman who has a lot of experience with my abs.  In fact, sit ups and crunches have never been a part of my fitness diet and over the past 39ish years, my abs have been allowed to do the bare minimum.  And they liked it that way.  They show up to work and hang in their hammock, benefiting from the extra Girlscout Cookies  that insulated them.  They were pretty happy.

I (meaning Bradley, of course) found this app simply called ‘Workouts.’  There is a video to go along with each workout, and each workout targets a specific zone.  I’m just on the abs with that app for now, but also do the ‘Sexy Arms’ workout from the app ‘Arms Trainer.’  I like the way the guy talks all clipped and weird in it.  Anyhow, I have been pretty loosey goosey on the abs workout up until now.  Until this week… I buckled down.

The abs are revolting (and by revolting I don’t mean disgusting.  The OTHER revolting).

This morning I was laying in bed, just minding my own business, hangin’ with the hubs when all of the sudden my stomach started hurting.  Like, YOUCH!  BIG TIME!  I curled into the fetal position and looked under the covers.  I saw nothing, of course, but I imagined my abs all contorted like squirming DNA or amoebas or something like that  and I think I may have imagined (or seen?!)  some ‘on strike’ signs or at least they were organizing…  (Can you imagine?? Say Yes to Flab for Abs!)  My entire core just seized up like a giant Charlie Horse cramp.  I laid like that for a few minutes before I was able to finally make my way into the shower, requested a handy dandy back rub and it all let go after about 20 minutes and a lot of heat.  It was INTENSE.  Like labor.  Yup, I went there.

But seriously, people.  I gotta get those suckers in line!  I’ll take a break while I heal because it is six hours later and I am still feeling that cramp.  But in a day or so I will beat those suckers into submission.  I think we have a war.  (Who woulda thought I’d be anti-union on my own abs?)

Deep Sleep

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Yes. To answer your question, I AM as tired as I look.
Sheesh. Walking dead here.
In any job there are times that are more of a challenge than others. It is conference week for me and I have conferences all lined up for tomorrow and I had VERY little time to prepare for them! I am wiped out! Add to that a staff meeting, an upcoming five-year-old birthday, my parents being in town, having brutal PMS, spirit week, school drama with the girl and keeping up with my diet/workout schedule… I’m tuckered.
I promised myself a day off from a work-out today but couldn’t stop myself from getting on the stationary bike and riding for half an hour. It started while I was waiting for Bradley to finish writing an email before we got in the hot tub. By the time he got downstairs I just had 7 minutes left on my ride so I finished It out. I’m glad I got on. I ate crackers today at work and some bonus chocolate at home and some mint m&m’s at school… The ride was necessary. And good.
But now I’m tired. Sooooo tired.
So, goodnight y’all. This girl’s gonna go crash into her pillow and create some real nice sleep creases on the side of her face. Maybe even some pillow drool coz that’s how I’m rollin’ tonight! Deep sleep.

Rain Run

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I didn’t want to run today. In fact, Bradley texted me before I came home asking about a walk and I said no. Then, on my way home, the walk just sounded so much better than the stationary bike. I texted Bradley a tentative inquiry about a walk. He’s such a good man. Despite already walking everyone else, he said he’d walk with me too. Now that’s true love.

When I got home there was a steady drizzle. I ignored it and got dressed in my regular running gear (my jacket is water resistant). We headed out and walked for the first quarter mile, then we took off at a blazing 4.5 MPH! The rain felt amazing! I loved the way it freckled across my skin, pulling the heat out and leaving me feeling so refreshed. It reminded me of why I love swimming- I don’t feel hot and sweaty when I swim. I wish I had discovered this secret a long time ago. We ran about half a mile before we stopped and we walked the rest of the way home. It felt so good to jog again and prove that I can still do it. I’m taking it easy for now, though, while my hips adjust to this new activity level.
***
I’ve been thinking a lot about foods that are hard for me to say no to. It surprised me to realize some of them, like sour cream. I love sour cream on a tortilla chip, straight up. But what calls to me from my freezer is ice cream. I’m fine with fudgesicles, but a quart of ice cream (chocolate peanut butter, anyone?) calls me all the way from downstairs… “Oh Tamara… Come eat me…” ;). And if I open a can of olives, chances are there won’t be any left in there to keep for later. I love olives, ALL olives, but I have a special place in my heart for black olives. YUM.
I’m trying to be very intentional about the way I think about food. Hopefully by recognizing the things that trigger negative results, I can eliminate some of the poor choices I’ve made regularly in the past.
***
I said thank you to the people at my work today for their constant support of my progress. Everyone broke into applause, which I was absolutely not expecting… It felt awkward to talk about this personal thing so publicly, but it was important for me to let them know how much I appreciate their kind words.

The Eats

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What are you doing? How are you doing it? What is your secret?
***
Anyone who has dieted more than 25-30 pounds off knows the answer to this questions:
Eating less and/or moving more. There are crash diets and ways to lose a quick five or ten, but those ways aren’t usually a long term solution. To do it right and do it big takes an actual commitment to a lifestyle change, not rely on a quick fix.

I don’t do a program. I don’t do weight watchers or any other buy in types of things. I just count calories, say no to myself and sweat hard at least once a day.
It’s not rocket science, just basic science. Less fuel + more movement = fat burned as fuel. That is, as long as you don’t move so fast you burn muscle.
So, what do I eat? On a typical workday here is a sample diet. If I don’t include measurements, it’s because I had one serving.
Breakfast:
Morningstar veggie patty
Whole wheat English muffin
1t Smart Balance buttery Spread light
Lunch
3-4 veggie chik nuggets
4 slices apple
Yogurt
or
Greek yogurt
Granola
Blueberries
Chik nuggs (just a great source of flavor and easy vegetarian protein)
Dinner
Usually have a stir fry or boca burger or salad-ish version of the family dinner-
Taco salad on taco night
Bun-free burger on hamburger night
Pizza night is 1-2 slices and salad
Snack
Fudgesicle (those are a totally reasonable treat!)
Or
Popcorn
OR
My ridiculous raw oatmeal thing. Nom nom nom.
***
More than anything it’s just:
*Cutting everything back to serving size (portion control)
*Eating a lot less processed food (trying, but tricky as a vegetarian with all the soy)
*Eating lots of whole grains (more brown rice, chia, quinoa, fiber filled pasta)
*Running walking, cycling lifting, stretching – not all, but some every day
*Making goals (5K, 40 before 40)
*Resolving to be determined to make my life better through weight loss and exercise

Something interesting- I am still eating full fat sour cream and peanut butter and I’m fitting it into my diet with no problem. Furthermore, I’ve decided to leave them in my diet. I like both of those things so much better than the diet versions!
***
Good news- I think my hip is healing well at last. I learned a tough lesson last week by pushing to run too much too soon, just like everyone said I would (you were right, Bradley)! Last night I was able to sleep on my hip for the first time and on Saturday I ran a quarter mile. So there is progress. But it will have to be slower than I like. Baby steps, right?
More good news?
I’m thrilled that I lost that pound! I had been hovering between the 5-9 range in the ones column for a few weeks. This weekend my weight hovered in the 2-6 range. Progress? I think so.

Nothing

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I don’t want to be Mrs. Cranky-Pants, but for goodness sake I am acting like her. I’m so ridiculously sensitive these days. I’m like third grade drama or something. Ugh! I hate it when I get moody like this. I especially feel bad for the people who have to spend time with me!
On the upside though, I’m doing a really good job of balancing scale/diet/exercise. Yesterday when I weighed myself I was a pound less than my previous week’s goal. I’m pleased. Traditionally, my ability to shed weight has been severely impacted by my cycles and I rarely lose during this time. I’m glad that I am continuing to show progress.
I’m also glad that my scale experiment was so effective. It was pretty nerve wracking at the beginning of the week, not to have it there. But I definitely found that taking it away allowed me to relax a little bit about things and not get discouraged that I wasn’t seeing instant results. It was funny because I slipped into older habits today of constantly weighing myself and started to get discouraged in no time. Bad idea! Not having my scale made me trust this whole system I have going. I trust the science and math behind it more when I’m not hopping on and off the scale 70 times a day. It made it ok for me to eat all of my calories as long as I was also working out. I confess that my caloric intake has probably been a little on the too-low side (consuming grand totals of around 1000-1200 plus working out leaving me with net totals of around 400-600 at the end of the day). That just creates opportunities for binges, and replaces one kind of food addictive behavior with another, honestly.
When I was a kid I lost about 80 pounds right before my senior year of high school. By the end of my senior year I was a size ten. I felt pretty awesome! By the end of my post-senior year (1992), I had already gained 20-30 pounds back. I ate apples and diet coke the entire time I dieted. It was my secret to success. But as soon as I got off my apples and diet coke diet plan and moved into maintenance, of course I gained it all back. I was starving myself and had no maintenenance plan, no exercise regiment. It took about five years, but by the time I met Bradley I had nearly.gained it all back. If I want a permanent change this time I need to make sure I have a plan for after, and part of that is to build strong habits now that I can live with in the future. My biggest fear is spending months of hard work and determination losing the weight only to see it slip away once I’m done because of my apathy. I’m committing to a lifetime of change, healthy eating habits and exercise.
***
On a lighter note…
This morning I had my dry oats thing again. As I was sitting in the car practically licking my bowl clean (on our way to pick up our kids) I couldn’t stop talking about how much I love this treat. As I was marveling at my weird bowl of dry oats, chocolate chips, yogurt and peanut butter I started realizing this is such a diet food. No one in their right mind would put together this concoction unless they were dieting. I’m sure Bradley thinks he’ll never be tasting that, no matter how much I try to convince him of its deliciousness! 🙂

Stars of Track and Field

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Today has been so strange. And I have been crabby.
First, I got my scale back this morning. I hopped on it, all excited and the scale read two pounds lighter than the last time I weighed in, which was an afternoon weight, which means my first in the morning weight did not change even a fraction of a pound. On the upside, though, I can see that I am losing. My skin is hanging on me differently yesterday and today in a good way! I’ll weigh again tomorrow to see if there is a change, then I’ll ask my true love to hide it away again until next week. It really did loosen the scale’s power over me to have it gone.
Our kids are gone tonight so this morning I really wanted to get my workout out of the way so I wouldn’t have to worry about it this evening. My whole family decided to come along so it took a little longer than we expected to get going.
When we finally arrived at the high school track, we noticed a group of teenagers talking near the center. They glowered at us as we walked through the fog and made one lap. When we came out of the fog upon them a second time, their numbers had increased and we inquired- track practice was commencing. I took off jogging anyhow, determined to get my run/walk in. As we rounded the next turn there were even more of them and they were glowering at us still. Not seeming to find it charming or inspiring in the least that this nearly forty year old woman with two kids in tow was running her jiggly butt around the high school track with her husband. I looked at Bradley and we agreed to let them have their space.
We scooted off to the centennial trail to walk there, but by the time we made it down there I realized I wouldn’t have time to work out AND get ready for a lunch date I had made with some friends from work. So we headed home. I was super grumpy because now I knew I would have to plan for a workout this evening. I don’t know why I thought it would be so inconvenient. Bradley and I like taking walks together. My head was in a strange place I suppose.
I went out to Mexican food with my friends. It was interesting to have the chips and salsa all there, but I counted chips as I ate them and was careful about the portions I chose to eat. It went well. Better yet was when we went to a consignment store that my friend, Tracy, patronizes and I was able to try on clothes there AND find things that fit. It was wonderful to be able to shop in a ‘normal’ store. I’ve never been able to buy used clothes before because my size is hard to find. It was embarrassingly fun to be in this cute little shop among the rest of the ladies.
When I got home we went for a walk then Bradley crashed out, dead asleep. I didn’t want to eat a real dinner by myself. I was reading on runs for cookies and Katie was talking about oatmeal and nut butters. Suddenly, nothing sounded tastier than raw oatmeal (1/3 c), peanut butter(1T), chocolate chips(15) and toasted coconut greek yogurt (I cup). So I decided to make it for my dinner! Bradley was crashed out, so I thought why not?! By the time all was said and done, it was 401 calories of yummy tastiness! I was stuffed when I finished and it wasn’t even a terrible food choice. Happy!
(Way better than crabby.)

Today I Sat. Tonight I Rode!

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You ever have one of those days where you talk yourself into a workout with a bribe? Today was soooo looong and boooorring. It was a non-student day. And it wasn’t long and boring because of the content or company (well, it was a little because of the content), it was because I sat in a chair for the entire day. Except for the brief trip to the library for lunch and the couple of potty breaks, I was in a chair. I was squirmy and I’ll admit that I got a little bit rummy and super goofy. Perhaps a little loud. Maaayyybe that was me taking jokes too far like Bradley and I do late at night in bed after we’ve used up all of our TV time and it’s our toes intertwined an our laughter ringing. So I got home and was like, climbing the walls. I realized that I rely on that bit of activity of wandering my classroom, helping my students, kneeling down, picking stuff up, leading lines… All that stuff is important to me these days.

AANNNYways, even though I sat around all day I was that kind of tired that comes from sitting around all day talking theory and polarities and assessment. Drained. And I didn’t want to get on my bike, crunch anything, run or walk around outside. I finally opted for the bike because I told myself I’d let myself watch guilty pleasure TV while I rode. By the time I hopped on the bike I was amped to catch up with the Biggest Losers. Will the white team of one make it??? (She did!) I’m rooting for some(Danielle & Jackson), despising others (Gina, I don’t know why!!) and it was the perfect motivator for the bike.

I got on the bike. The Internet today was fixed after a week of it not being able to stream (loose wire at the hub or something). The setting was perfect. Then the show wouldn’t work. The Internet was being a nerd and wouldn’t let me watch anything longer than 30 seconds. Then my bike’s display started fritzing out. My setting kept starting over and over and at first I got annoyed because not only would my show not work, but I had to keep starting my ride over after about ten minutes into my ride! Bradley fixed the Internet issues and the show started up, but the bike was still being weird any time I tilted or touched the handles. Then I realized I had a challenge and I decided to ride either until the end of the Biggest Loser or until my bike made it through an entire cycle. I ended up riding for 60 minutes (to the tune of 800 calories burned!) and was able to see Lisa get voted off. (Yes, I’m several weeks behind cuz that’s how I roll.)

My goal this weekend is to stay on track, of course. To not give in to temptation and to follow my plan of exercise and diet. I want to go to the track tomorrow morning and maybe Sunday too. My kids are going to be gone tomorrow night and I just have to remember that celebrating with my husband and having a good time with him doesn’t mean I have to be stupid about food.

Tomorrow I also get to weigh myself on my SCALE. I’m actually really nervous and tried to bribe Bradley to give it back to me tonight when I first got home. He wouldn’t then teased that he might keep it from me for longer and I flipped out and he saw what a manic psycho I am about that thing. I swear, I just about breathed fire and shot poison darts from my eyes. He backed down real quick.

This was the most rambly entry evah. But I feel like writing every day helps keep me accountable beyond just the food journal. This keeps track of my thinking, my intentional positivity, my intentional determination, my motivation. 🙂

Stationary Biking

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Oh. My. Goodness.
I was totally planning to go for a walk/run today but I decided not to. My hip is still a little sore and I’d hate to push it to an injury, so I thought why not one more day? I hopped on my bike and decided to mix it up a little and do the second competition cycle. It was long and intense. Lots of hills. I was sweating it up pretty good and had to keep slowing down to bring my pulse down. When the going gets tough on a bike I have a tendency to push hard – you know, to get to the top of the hill! Today I realized that pushing myself to a heart rate of 170 (Holy muscle burning, Batman!) in order to get to the top of the virtual hill was doing me no favors. Ha ha!

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Can I just give mad props to the iPhone camera? It is one of the most entertaining things to play around with while bored on a stationary cycle…

Two Miles in Two Days? Just… No. Bad Idea.

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I often joke that there are few thoughts I have that aren’t shared with someone. Fortunately, I’m married to a very patient someone who is totally willing to listen to me ramble about anything that happens to come to my mind. The most amazing parts to me are that he remembers all of this mental unpacking and can participate in the conversations days later AND that he is not enough of an outlet for me. I also have two blogs, Facebook and a classroom full of children who are subject to my verbose nature.

It’s a given then that they know I’m working towards being my healthiest self, and part of that means I am exercising a lot. They even know I have started running as I celebrated that with them too. At my school there is an after school fitness class that kids can participate in if they want to. On Mondays they have what is called ‘mileage Monday’. Every Monday as I leave I see the runners going around and around the building. A few of my students are in the club so I decided to train with them on Monday. You know. The day after my first mile.

In general my workouts have alternated with one ‘easy’ day and one ‘go hard’ day. The easy days usually consist of just a walk or stationary bike ride for 30 minutes and about 15 minutes of crunching and lifting and planking and… The hard days are run days and the 15 minutes of toning/strength/weights/whateverit’scalled training [I should point out that the whateverit’scalled training is hit or miss at this point – inconsistent but something I am trying for]. I take a day off in between to let my hip heal. I know, what an old lady, right? But for serious, I run and that night I have an achy hip. I looked it up online and it seems like as long as it has that quick heal my body will get used to being used like this and I’ll adjust.

Enter Mileage Monday. It was not a good idea. My muscles were mad at me as I started to run. I felt it. But I was there to work out, to push the kids along, to be a part of the infectious spirit of fitness, so I just did it. The warmer I got the better I felt, but I never felt good running on Monday. I felt beat up, used up, chewed up and fatigued. Suddenly I understood why all the books say to take a day off when you’re training. My body needed it.

I finished my mile and did two more laps walking. My hip hollered and my knee actually made some noise too. I took Alleve when I got home and slept on the opposite hip, hoping to feel better by the next day. I did, somewhat. But what I really took from that was a lesson about listening to my body. Be smart and don’t push. That run knocked me out yesterday and today I’m still taking an easy day on my bike and weights.

Tomorrow will be good. Tomorrow ill venture outside again to see what these gams can do!

WITH REASON!
I know.
😛