Spring

As I have been losing weight I have been collecting clothes. I have a ‘set’ of clothes for each size from 26 to 20 of a jean skirt, black and khaki pencil skirt, jeans, and a few sweaters and shirts. (The last time I lost weight I got rid of everything then gained my weight back so I had to re-buy everything. This time I’m won’t need to use it, so I feel like doing the opposite of what I did last time is a good luck charm of sorts. It’s stupid, but offers me comfort.)
Anyhow, last summer, I was swimming in my size 22 denim capris so I thought surely I had bypassed 20 and needed 18’s. Erm… No. I needed the 20’s. Ever the optimist, however, I decided to keep them because I would totally be fitting them by July. Or August. Or September? Ah, yes, September. They ‘fit’, meaning, I could button and zip them but they were so tight they did that weird camel toe thing that is not a camel toe but totally looks like one. TIGHT. Muffin bubbling over the top, my gut suddenly expanding several inches as fat was displaced requiring, not the summery tshirt, but the bulky camouflaging sweatshirt. But, they ‘fit’.
This morning I was digging through my drawers looking for something cute. I found a familiar pair of size 18 capris. They totally fit.

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After my run yesterday I felt (like an athlete, like I can do anything) like I should take a day off of exercise. I told myself all day that when my brain started gnawing at me about running that I would jaw back that I need to take a healing day off! I came home and Bradley was really excited to go for a walk. How could I say no to that? So off we went. I laughed to Bradley about how I totally went against my plan. Secretly inside I didn’t count it as a walk even though we kept a great pace and walked for a long time. I counted it as a social activity which was a milestone in a completely different way. Exercise as fun and recreation? Welcome back in earnest!

This-n-that

Yesterday I forgot to eat. I know. How does that happen? If you asked me before yesterday I would have said that was an impossibility! Like those women who go to the doctor with a tummy ache and come home with a baby? Same kind of thing in my book. What happened was, well, honestly, the PMS gods were holding me hostage and we had to be at a birthday party. I was getting ready while being difficult, bratty and depressed and just somehow never put more than one cube of watermelon and two sips of coffee in my belly. Brilliant. Then I went and swam and played and finally at 2:30 there before me appeared a bowl with ice cream… And it made me sick. No food + ice cream makes me feel icky. So I had to wait for pizza. Pizza, at 3:was good. But even then I was still not hungry. And I never did get hungry yesterday. It was weird. I started wondering if my body has gotten efficient enough at seeking belly (or thing/arm/brain) fat that maybe I just don’t get hungry so much anymore… Ha ha! Wouldn’t that be nice? At least for a little while, to not have an owly-growly tummy yaking at you the second the final shred of yum exits to Intestinal Way.
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When I run lately I run with one hand on the leash and the other on my pants. They have been falling down. I have known I need new ones for a while, but it is hard to justify that kind of money on clothes that I only wear for 40 minutes per day. Regardless, I got spoiled by my man who bought me several pairs of size XL(!!!) pants and a few exercise shirts as well. We will see if I like those or not. Yesterday I came home with a transparent shirt- it was so wet with my sweat!
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I wear a size 18 now and can shop in the regular clothing section at Target. This is more profound than manny people know. That is where cheap clothes are. I usually have to pay at least 15 for a tshirt or tank top. But now, at Target, I can get one for 6. And there is junk fashion that I probably won’t buy, but I’m gonna try it on. And finally, Gigi and I can shop together. Because I am a size 18, and waaaaayyy down at the opposite end of the scale is my little size 1 daughter! She discovered that she can wear junior shorts today. Someone just got a lil’ more sassy!
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I weighed in yesterday at 245.6! Mwah! In love with that number!

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