Winding Down

Today my daughter asked me if I’m looking forward to going back to my old ways after the Whole 30 is over next Sunday.  I paused, reflected and realized the Whole 30 did its job: it redefined me as an eater.  I was out of control, both with bad choices and self control.  I was back to eating pretty much whatever I wanted.  When I saw that 242 on the scale after a month of yo-yo-ing I almost panicked.  If it was this easy to get from 190 to 242 in a little over a year, my trajectory had me right back at 300 by 2019.  There was this moment of defeat, which now I’m calling bottom.  It wasn’t nearly as desperate as last time but it was a very necessary intervention.  Whole 30 pulled me out of that pit and gave me the tools and means to get back on my self again.  What am I looking forward to?  

  • Eating a piece of pizza with my family.  Trying VEGAN pizza.
  • I’m interested in leaning vegan.  I found alternates that surprised and pleased me.
  • I’m excited that food is fuel, again.  Not entertainment.
  • Fake.  Meat.  I miss that.  A lot.  
  • A variety of protein sources.
  • I am looking forward to eating a piece of chocolate every once in a while.
  • Control.  I’m back in control and I love it.

I won’t miss:

  • Worrying about SWYPO.
  • Not being able to cook creatively.
  • Eggs and tofu.  Mostly eggs.  🤢 I’m so sick of eggs.

See, moving forward I don’t want to go back to my old ways.  I want to stick with these ways.  I’m finding it pretty accessible and I like the food.   I don’t cheat on this, at all.  ,I feel bright and alive.  I’m not tired and I’m losing weight.  It’s my ridiculously slow pace, but still.  I’m losing weight again.  And honestly?  The first time I lost weight it was all about health and saving my life.  This time I want to be cute again.  I fully agree that I’m cute now, but when the way I feel matches my perception of myself I will feel so cute.  Watch out.  

Year 3 of the Hot Chocolate 15k

I undertrained, underplanned and underprepared but by golly, today we ran the Hot Chocolate 15k!  I love this run.  We get to wind through the downtown Seattle area, past Pike then back toward Woodland park via the Aurora Bridge.  The past two years have been really HARD for me.  The weather hasn’t helped, either.  But this year?  This year the race went by really fast and before I knew it I was headed back into the city!  I think it has a little to do with confidence and experience.  This isn’t my first Hot Chocolate run, it’s not my first time on this course and it’s not even my longest distance.  Maybe I’m at the point where nine miles is fun?  Maybe???  As I ran today I had random noticings that I texted to myself, so I’m just going to share those, here:

  • There were two really older dudes running together.  Clearly their running relationship went way back as they chatted on and on, mile after mile, white hair blowing in the breeze.  I tried to catch up to them but they were too fast for me and all I could think was that when I’m in my 80’s and I’m working with a limp like that one guy had, I sure hope I have the tenacity to run nine miles with a good buddy.  It was beautiful.  Fitness and friendship goals all over the place…
  • Some people have fabulous costumes.  I tend to like the more subtle ones that make me feel like I’m being let in on an inside joke, so I loved one woman’s Stitch, of LILO and Stitch, costume.  It was just Stitch colored and had markings to look like him and it made me think I need to start getting creative….
  • Which brings me to my next topic: I need to make a rainbow tutu.  I have the rainbow hat, socks and schwings, I just need the tutu and I’ll be a vision.  Or something.
  • Wedgies.  Butts.  There they are in front of me as I’m running for two hours and they’re what’s moving around in front of me, bouncing, wiggling, jiggling, flexing so I often find myself unintentionally just butt watching.  In a race like today’s one becomes a booty anthropologist.  Everyone is wearing tight stuff, butts are out.  Big or small, flat, round, wide, long… But what makes me most studious are the people with the mega wedgie.  Like, their running pants or shorts are so high up in their crack that the cheeks are separated into two entirely singular entities.  You can see muscle tone and it gets pretty intimate, sometimes.  😂🤣🤣  I wonder how that feels.  Maybe it’s an excellent way to run, I don’t know….  Anyhow, it would drive me CRAZY to have a wedgie of that magnitude driving a wedge betwixt  my own situation and I want to ask!  Not to make a scene or embarrass them- I truly want to know.  To each their own, though!  To be clear, having a wedgie is fine, I just wonder at the effectiveness at reducing chaffing and just that wedgie feeling rubbing around in there for nine miles, you know?
  • My favorite moment of the day was when I was on my way back across the bridge and you get to see the people who are last.  The walkers, bringing up the rear with a sweeper car slowly stalking them.  No pressure, right?  There was this one lady, though, looked new to running, chubby, third from last, but she had a cheering squad!  I’m assuming here, but her husband, who was not in the race, he had signs, cowbells and three little boys who were parading around and next to her as she made her way across the bridge.  They must have seen her right at the start bridge and they started making a hullabaloo, letting everyone on that bridge know that she was loved and they believed in her.  YOU CAN DO IT!  GO MOMMY!  WE ARE PROUD OF YOU!  It was a gorgeous display of love and support and I couldn’t get enough of watching them.
  • Because this was my third year in a row, I get a medal for being a legacy runner.  Who knew?  They were out of them, though and are mailing it to me.  Lol

Keeping On

Today marks day 15 on the Whole 30!  I’m officially halfway through and I feel all kinds of normal and fine and good.  I think having the cold really distracted me from feeling weird or having sugar withdrawals, I feel really normal!  Here are some noticings, though:

  • I had a couple of sore spots on my tongue for a few months- like sensitivity to acidic or spicy foods- that I’ve been wondering about and they’ve magically healed up.  
  • Drinking coffee with just a splash of almond milk is no big deal anymore.  I have decided to maintain this habit moving forward.  There’s no reason I need a giant, sweet, sugary, 300 calorie drink to start my morning every day.
  • I’ve totally adjusted to my anxiety medication and don’t have to eat a meal with my pill anymore.  In the morning, I have my coffee, a banana and I’m juuuuust fine.  Thus, my overeating and anxiety around this issue is all but gone.  This fear and resulting anxiety are the primary cause of my recent weight gain.  Their absence should make my healthful future with a healthy diet attainable again.  
  • Being a vegan doesn’t seem like a compromise or difficult anymore.  There’s plenty of good stuff out there.  The only non-vegan food I’m eating right now is an egg in my breakfast bake and the odd bit of ghee, but I’m certain I could find a replacemen for both. 
  •  Cashew cream is surprisingly versatile and replaces a lot of the dairy textures that I desire and seek.  It’s not going to fool anyone, but it stands nicely on its own as another option that is more than acceptable to me.
  • TMI: My colon has to be thrilled with my fiber intake.  My poop is like a pile of sawdust.  I’m eating so much fiber, no sugar and no gluten so things stay loose and I imagine things are really nice in my large colon, now.  I don’t have uncomfortable bowels or anything, but it’s nice to be like ok, this is normal, I’m not alone…  
  • My energy is great.  I’m not tired or anything.
  • Eating this healthy isn’t more expensive than eating all the other stuff.  Packaged and refined foods give fresh eating a real run for the money, literally.
  • I miss chocolate more than anything else.  I’m glad I get to eat it again shortly.  It’s nice to realize that when this is over, it just means I can add things back in.  I can include chocolate in the future.
  • I had my first cheat.  Wanna know what it was?  I put regular instead of raw cashews on my fried cauliflower rice and decided to eat them instead of picking them off.  Big cheat.  Whatta rebel.
  • I eat the same thing all the time. I had originally planned on photographing and posting every meal, but when you eat fried cauliflower rice every day and sweet potato and apple breakfast bake every day….  Yeah.  It gets tedious to find new ways to make it look good to Instagram so I scrapped that plan.  I still post to it, but not like I thought I would.
  • I’m losing weight!  I can do this!

One of my greatest sound bites and takeaways from this experiment is this advice: hunger is satisfied by any food.  Cravings are satisfied by specific foods and have little to nothing to do with actual hunger.  I have a lot of cravings and I’m getting more and more successful at identifying which is which.  I’m amazed to realize that I’m not hungry that much, but food calls to me often.  This should be helpful, moving forward.

I joined an accountability group on Facebook this week.  A friend of mine, last year, who most people would think didn’t need to lose weight, joined and lost a few pounds and gained a new sense of health.  She looked pretty great before, but after?  She glowed.  I wanted some of that.  I figured there are worse ways to spend thirty smacks, so I threw my hat in the ring.  Turns out that the person who loses the most wins the pot, too.  I don’t have designs on winning, but every week I will weigh in with a photo and share it to the group.  There are people who weigh from as low as 119 all the way up to 425.  There are men and women and we are all there for the same thing: support and accountability.  So far, it’s been a really positive experience and I’m pretty happy with it.  Since my weigh in on 3/1, my scale has already changed!  🙂 So far, since 1/1/18, I have lost ten pounds.  I’m not going to complain about that.  Instead, I’ll just keep busting my booty and moving forward!

Tomorrow I have a race, Hot Chocolate Run, that I haven’t trained for.  First the injury then bronchitis and I can safely say I haven’t run farther than six miles in six months.  Tomorrow’s race is nine miles.  I’ll probably be walking like a duck for the first half of next week.  This race forced me to really think about nutrition on run and whether or not it is a cheat from Whole 30.  I decided to take unsweetened applesauce on the run and I’m going to drink that cup of hot cocoa at the end with glee.  I’ll bypass the fondu, but I cried thinking about that hot cocoa this morning.  I am so excited!  Seriously!  I’m planning to run nine miles tomorrow so I can justify a cup of hot cocoa.  LOL!  I know, according to the Whole 30’s rules and bylaws that I’m really supposed to start over completely, but I’m planning to let it slide and just keep trucking.  I think this is only my first Whole 30 and there will be more that come along after it until I get to where I want to be with my body.  I’m even considering going *gasp* vegan!