Bullies!

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Today I went for my first run in seven days. I was glad because I made myself do it after my first day back at work- a day that would have been very easy to forgive myself of. I originally planned on going on the elliptical, but I knew I’d last about four minutes before I got tuckered out and hopped off. I knew today was a day for forcing a run outta me! So I decided to run the big loop, a great choice. The picture of the road is what I call ‘home run’. It’s the last quarter mile before I get home and I usually try to sprint it. Today was no different. I felt amazing after the run!
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Something interesting happened while I was on my run today- I had someone yell, “Run, Fat Girl, run!” My initial response was to flip them off with some serious double hand action followed by a mighty, “FU!” But, fortunately, I brought my brain and remembered that I am a girl out running on her own while there were at least three guys in that car. So I did nothing. That made me mad as a feminist* because there I am all powerless to these stupid asses who, really, are just mad because the fat girl in question could most likely kick their asses in the running around the block for miles upon miles department and they didn’t like that. Or at least that is what I said to myself to make me feel better about getting bullied like that. Poo-poo heads.
Other than that I really enjoyed my run. 🙂
* This sounds like I’m making a smilie about angry feminist stereotypes but that was not the case. I meant to say that I was both angry in the moment and always consider myself a feminist. This was a funny sentence!

Anniversary

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One year ago today:

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Today I started back at work.
On this day, last year, I made the commitment, with Bradley, to start taking walks again. I wanted to enjoy the air with my kids. Feel the weather. Discover caterpillars, smell blackberries, get sticky with sweat… Walks have always been a part of our lives. Before we had children we were twice daily folk. After kids, a few times a week. There have been busy times where we don’t walk for weeks, but we always come back to the ritual of our hound on leash, kids running ahead, falling behind…
And laughing. There’s usually a lot of laughing.
But, today marks a year of walking in my grown-up, settled-down-finally neighborhood. Last year I remember the days growing shorter, then, illuminated by the glow of holiday lights, we would rehash our days and draw together again, hand in hand. Winter came and, with it, the rain. But more importantly, I started running. I’ve spent a year on the streets of my neighborhood, racked up well over 250 miles on my sneakers and discovered that my limitations are much different than I thought they were. My family banded together over fitness and athletics like a superhero team. Life on these streets has been amazing.

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Happy anniversary to us. Life is better and we are so much healthier one year later.
I wish us many happy returns.
Cheers!

Break

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I’m tired.
Over the past few weeks we’ve been going at breakneck speed trying to pack the most fun we can in the remainder of the summer. We’ve also been trying to exercise a lot. Like, a lot. I wanted to make sure Bradley saw me using our new equipment often enough to make it worthwhile, while also keeping up with my running regimen while running all over Seattle having fun.
I was spending about an hour on the elliptical (ten minutes here, 20 minutes there), running and weights, clocking in 90+ minutes per day. My knees just feel swollen and stiff as all get out. My arms, shoulders and back are aching. Yeah. I’m TIRED! Ha!
Then, yesterday, we traversed those beautiful Vancouver stairs to that sacred beach again and, when I reached the bottom, my calves started spasming. After we lolled about in the sand and surf for a few hours, we climbed those same 400+ stairs and while I sweated in, possibly, the most humid forest EVER, my calves felt each and every step. Last night? I was awoken to several, very unpleasant Charlie horses. My knees ache. And did I mention how tired I am?!
Anyhow, I’m taking a break from it all for a few days- exercise, the blog, everything except watching my diet. My plan is to sit with my kids, kiss my husband, watch mindless television and recover before I go back to work on Tuesday.
Cheers!

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At the Stanley Park Totem Poles yesterday- right before we found the vegetarian hot dog vendor.
***a few notes***
~I passed my pro-cert! I’m now a professionally certificated teacher!
~My package from Gap/Old Navy arrived today. Some of the xl clothes were (GET THIS!!!) too big and I had to exchange them for smaller ones. (Ha ha ha!!!!)
~I’m probably going to be exercising in a matter of hours. If you’ve ever read this blog before, then you know me. 🙂
~I know a few people who recently had bariatric sleeves put on/in/dontknowtheproperterm and they are doing great! Cheers for their continued growth (or shrinkage) towards their health!

Robots and Diet

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Mmmkay. So, I’m not on the wagon very much right now.
Right now I’m exercising plenty. I’m serious! I was on the elliptical for an hour today, still doing the weights (yeah, Bowflex!) and I’m running pretty much every day.
But my food?
Laws have mercy!
It’s not that I’m doing that bad even, if I’m perfectly honest. I’m hitting right at my calories, then BOOM! Ice cream? Sure, I could go for some ice cream! S’more? Why, yes, I’d love one! I have this policy of letting myself have the treats in moderation, but lately I want treats ALL THE TIME and they are tipping me over the edge from losing to maintenance mode. PMS definitely has something to do with it, but so does my determination.
I’ve not been behaving like a person who is determined to lose weight. Ive been behaving like a seasoned dieter who is tired of the diet. That is not going to work. I’ve been buying into the myth that I’m losing weight and getting healthy, but really I’m just stalling. It takes two activities for me to lose weight- restricted calories and exercise with more exercise after I’m done exercising. I’ve been going like crazy with the exercise and letting the diet go because I think I can just run/lift/walk/ride it off. Obviously I’m working it off, but only enough to maintain. I need to be a good kid again. I need to start hitting the 1500 mark consistently again.
I’m so looking forward to returning to work next week for one reason- scheduled food times. Snacking is a non-issue for me at school. In fact, sometimes I even forget to eat while I’m there. Here at home I want to eat every time I’m near the kitchen and since our kitchen is central to our open floor plan, I’m always wanting a snack. Sheesh! I just want my boots! Go away seven pounds!!!!!!
Here is my adorable son because I have no pictures of anything relevant to put up here today. Enjoy!


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I think of diet as what I eat. Not ‘a diet.’ I’m not on a diet, but my diet is full of food. You get it. I just wanted to make that clear.

Equipped

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A few weeks ago I let it drop that for my birthday I’d like to turn our garage into a gym with a treadmill. Maybe some other machine too, but after all this heat this summer my nice, cool garage on at 85 degree run day sounded really nice. I was planning ahead.
My darling husband quickly scrapped his dream of parking our car in the garage and started hunting on Craigslist for solid exercise machines. We needed to take into account that these weren’t going to be glorified clothing storage units, that we are big, tall people (I’m a hair under 5’10” and he’s 6’2″) with long legs and we were planning to RUN on the treadmill. Believe it or not, most treadmills are really just made for walking.

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Well, our garage is nowhere near ready, but people are moving and clearing out their gear! We picked this elliptical machine up last week and, I’m telling you, it is a workout! Both Bradley and I have been spending about thirty minutes per day on it in addition to running. I didn’t think about how buying a new machine would extend my workout in a diverse and different kind of way. It is in our living room, for now, and I like it there. It looks at me and I think nothing of hopping on for ten minutes every now and then to burn a few calories.
After buying this machine we got to try a few models out at the hotel this weekend. I’m pleased to say that I love our machine. It has a bigger glide for taller people; the range of motion on the others was small and cramped feeling.
*this picture is hilarious to me. I hopped on the elliptical today, determined to get a picture of myself on it, but I had just returned from a run and the sweat was running into my eyes so bad that I couldn’t open them! Ha!

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Yesterday we went and picked up this Bowflex from some people who just sold their house and needed it out NOW! It’s a resistance machine and it definitely seems different from the free weights so we are keeping those around. This thing is huge and, as our garage is not ready, it is in my kids’ rumpus room taking over!
You know how you don’t really realize how weak you are until you strain something? Ahem. That is so me on this thing. I’ve been a super good kid doing arms, legs, butt and gut, but this thing makes my neck and shoulders aware that they’re super weak. I find it very interesting that all of those bothersome, persistent, crampy, achy spots on my body are actually just places that are extraordinarily weak*. I’m presently on the lowest settings on the Bowflex and it is definitely a workout.
$$$Price tag for all of this craziness? $125 for the Bowflex and $150 for the elliptical all bought on Craigslist. A few years back we paid about 100 for the exercise bike on craigslist as well. We pretty much have a gym now! Ha! As long as we are using it, I’m thrilled as anything to own it. Our kids love it too, and, most importantly, we are keeping moving!
Oh, and regarding the treadmill? We are still looking for one that will support us that is in good working order. I think we will have to pay out a little more for this machine. I also want one of those stair climbers to build my thighs into chicken drumsticks, I suppose…
*I’d like to note that after carrying up to 340 pounds around and becoming a runner my legs are built up like crazy. The highest setting for legs and calves is not super easy, but it’s not hard either!

The Little Things

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… Jumping on the bed not worrying about it breaking.
…Shopping with my daughter in the juniors section- she wears the smallest size while I can fit the largest.
… being able to take advantage of The Gap’s 40% off everything coupon code.
… crossing my arms
… crossing my legs
… sitting criss cross-apple sauce
… being able to set my hands on my lap and my arms being long enough to allow them to rest there without sliding off… Versus…
… not having to tuck my hands under my legs so they wouldn’t just hang down because setting them on my lap was uncomfortable.
… not worrying about whether or not I will fit on an amusement park ride.
… being under the weight limit as a family for shared rides.
… Not feeling guilty eating anything- I know what my body needs and is allowed. I used to feel unworthy of some foods.
… My husband being able to hold me and carry me.
… Not worrying about breaking furniture.
… Knowing the person I sit next to on my next airplane ride won’t feel crowded.
… Knowing I will fit any airplane seat now.
… Feeling like I fit with my husband (this was a mental/confidence hurdle).
… Going from a size 10 ring to a 7.5.
The little things feel big sometimes.

The Skin I’m In

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Yesterday I told my husband, “I love my body.”
And I do.
I love what my body does.
I love being strong and capable. I love running. I love being able to run and run and run without stopping. I like being able to stand like a flamingo and tie my shoe without losing my balance. I like the muscles I’m seeing popping up through my flesh, reminding me they’re there, encouraging me to keep working. I like being able to go to quiet places in the mountains, losing myself in the beauty of it all, available only because I can walk. I love that I can breathe deep, catch my breath and keep going. I love my balance. I love going to the zoo and not getting tired. I love walking down a hill and not freaking out that I’m going to have to walk back up it. I love being able to carry my kids, on my hip, on my back- it doesn’t matter. I’m just glad I didn’t miss out on carrying them around.
I have gratitude for my body that I’ve never had before. I marvel at it, what it can do, what I can force it to do. I love that it is plastic, moldable, shapeable into the kind of body I want. I like that I can challenge my body to be healthier, better, more resilient.
I have reverence for myself. I know that I’m brief, youth is fleeting and this body is giving me everything it has. I understand now that my body will do whatever I want it to, I just have to respect it enough to make the right choices.
It surprises me to learn that I can love this part of my body to clearly, but my insecurities over being a non-standardly attractive woman have completely overshadowed my ability to appreciate even this one, compartmentalized version of myself. No matter what I look like, I can always be strong, capable and healthy. Focus there, right?
I love my body.
Perhaps not in the way that we typically desire, but I’m on my way there. And in the meantime, what I do love about my body is fabulous.

Ice Caves

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Hike to Ice Caves

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Done.

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It must be said that this was pretty much a holy experience for me. I don’t know why, but walking up the side of a mountain gives me tremendous pleasure, a feeling of connectedness, a sense of awe. I just marvel at this amazing world I get to live in.

Boots and Summer Goals

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Way back in June I wrote the following list of goals. I started wondering how I was doing on them. Turns out, I’m not doing stupendously well!
This summer I want to…
– End with my weight in the 220′s
– Run an average of four runs per week
– Hike to the ice caves (and other hikes too)
– Go dancing at Neighbors (our favorite from our 20′s) with an old friend
– Go back to naked spa
– Be a good kid with my food but balance the yummy stuff in too
– Get stronger by using my weights an average of 3 times per week
– Clean my kids’ rooms
– Weed out my too-big clothes! They are everywhere!
– kiss the babies and the hubs lots
– Relax, laugh & have fun!
The crossed out ones are accomplished…
*I am not in the 220’s. Part of me is super peeved about this, the other part of me is cool with it. In September, my school/work days will force me to schedule things a little better. That said, I’m doing well today and plan to continue to do well for the remainder of the summer. I still have two weeks. That is plenty of time to lose three pounds if I just pony up and do it. Determination…
*I’m at an average of three runs per week. I see that changing, though, since vacations and craziness is all over.
*The ice caves hike has been pared down by the parks service to a 1/4 mile * walk each direction. Because it’s such an easy hike now I’ve not been very interested in driving the hour to get to the trailhead. Isn’t that terrible? I decided the other day to plan it along with another short hike in the area so I’ll still get a good workout in. * I don’t know where I saw that- it’s an easy mile each way.
*My going-out buddy has been struggling too much with her depression so Neighbors wasnt going to work anymore. I substituted a teacher’s night out and a future celebration with a friend of mine who just got hired AND engaged. It’s not Neighbors, but it is going out and that was the whole point!
*There just never seemed time to go back to the spa. Sigh… Plus, I just like my family so much! It’s hard to leave them when I know I have to leave them every day for work in just a couple of weeks.
*My kids did a surprisingly good job cleaning their own rooms without my help! All the training has paid off! Could we be entering a new era? I hope so!
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Guess what showed up at my door last week??? Here’s more motivation to end the summer at 225:

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6PM.com was having some pretty awesome prices on wide calf boots and I took advantage. Remember how I was supposed to get ONE pair of boots? Ha ha ha! Yeah. I saw way more than one pair for my wide-calved, clown feet. They are beautiful and I need to lose seven pounds stat so I can wear them this fall!
*Interesting note- I think I will forever be a wide-calved girl. I notice that skinny jeans are always tight on my calves and as I keep getting fitter and smaller, my calves remain the same. I think being a bigger girl who has always been active compounded by my running means I’m just going to have cantaloupes back there for life. I’m cool with that. 🙂

Eating Better

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Today’s run was amazing. Since the pressure of training is off I was able to just relax and not worry about making mileage. I decided to just do a loop around what I used to call the big loop but now it seems like a pretty short loop. It was almost refreshing to do just a 1.5 mile run. I modulated my pace to match the incline and decline again and found great results- I ran my best time ever! Woot! We followed that up with an abs and arms workout.
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I’ve fallen into my typical dieting pattern lately. When I first get going on a weightloss plan I am really healthy and smart about it. I get strict about what kinds of foods I eat and make very intentional healthy choices. Over time, I start making substitutions- like a snack of carrots turns into a bag of pop chips- still within the calories, right? I keep doing that until I end up with a compromised diet filled with more processed foods (mostly processed soy, like vegetarian chik nuggets) and my snacks turn into processed foods like granola bars and healthy snack mixes instead of fresh produce. I eat within my caloric allowances but not with the level of nutrition I should be getting, considering what I’m asking my body to do.
Yesterday at the color run there were lots of pictures taken of me. Seriously, it was my first official run so we were at a kindergarten graduation-level of picture taking frenzy. After seeing myself in a myriad or running poses, I can’t deny that I have a lot of belly to lose still. My legs and arms and head and neck are looking pretty good… I just need to find my waist and hips now. 🙂 I say all of this while also acknowledging how far I’ve come and how proud I am of all my progress. I just have not been being entirely honest with myself about what is happening with my body, my tummy in particular. Add to that the health risks of belly fat and I think it is definitely in my best interest to continue along this path of weightloss and fitness.

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As I’m reading more about muscle building and diet (eat complex carbs with protein and two fists of green at each meal), one thing I keep seeing over and over is the advantage of complex carbohydrates over refined grains. That unless I’m giving the proper kinds of fuel to my body I’m going to continue to maintain my weight instead of lose. I read specifically about how to lose belly fat and over and over- cardio and healthy carbs. What’s a girl with a gut to do?
I’m pleased to say that over the past few weeks we’ve been very consciously doing a lot of replacements- brown rice, wheat flour, whole grain breads- and we are feeling really good and the food tastes amazing. I made super yummy banana blueberry muffins yesterday that taste excellent but are also pretty healthy! This is one of those lifetime changes that I committed to at the onset of my weightloss project. I’m so pleased that we’re actually following through and that my family is enthusiastically on board.