Do you ever give yourself a social coma intentionally?
I was an early adopter of Facebook. I jumped from MySpace to Facebook during the months when all you did was poke your friends and send them badges. I really didn’t know what else to do with it! Eventually, I became one of the addicted ones. I had it on my phone, my iPad and would check it religiously throughout the day whenever I needed, what I call, a brain break (a 15 second vacation from the myriad of issues that arise at work or home), during my work breaks, in the car while Bradley drove… I was into it. Seriously.
A few weeks ago, maybe even more than a month ago, I went off Facebook. It started with a request post I made asking for a donation. Initially, tons of people pledged things to me, and after several days of trying to use Facebook to message people (messaging was being difficult) who were unable to locate said promised items I just got overwhelmed (not all people flaked, but I became the biggest flake when I abruptly went offline in that community). I found myself dreading going on Facebook. When there was a notification, my heart would beat wildly and I would start panicking and fostering a nice, juicy anxiety/panic attack. After a while, I wondered why I was continuing to participate in a system that was causing me so much stress. So I stopped, cold turkey.
At first, it was difficult to stop it- the habit of always checking in, of having that instant feedback, of having my ego massaged, making my connections- that was hard to change. I also realized that I’m not really cutting anyone I know off- most everyone who knows me visits me here and we keep in touch via text. We’re all good, right? I found interesting things to do, and I can say I have only been on Facebook twice since stopping. Once, to contact a friend who, otherwise, is practically impossible to talk to, and another time when I needed to cyber stalk someone. Don’t give me that dirty look; we all do it! The result has been, however, a feeling of peace. It’s amazing how cutting that one thing out of my life made me feel a little better. It was one drop removed from my bowl of crazy right now…
I can’t go into it all, but my job is super tricky this year and it’s causing me massive stress. Sleep is a challenge, happiness is a challenge and I’m finding that life, in general, is becoming a huge challenge. It is a celebration when I get through a day without crying out of frustration and stress. It’s been a really hard year and it is taking its toll. Oh my goodness, is it ever.
The last few days I’ve just kind of taken a vacation from social and diet stuff. Taking Facebook off of the menu was a great idea, but I’m a busy girl. I have a couple of blogs, I’m working out all the time, I’m being a mom, I’m saying “No!” to food often… And I’m worn out. Yesterday I ate my lunch. The whole thing. Even the bread and butter. (Bradley always packs me a big lunch. Way more food than I want/need. He’s my little Italian grandma who worries about how much I eat! LOL!) Today, I did it again. I ate my whole lunch and ten Mike and Ike’s. And I don’t even like Mike and Ike’s! I didn’t meet my diet bet and forfeited 15 smackaroos (my final was 209, blah) and I just want a break from it all. Is it strange that I categorize and keep track of all this stuff? Absolutely, but have been doing this for sooooooo long now in earnest! It has been a year of super hard diligent work, but I’ve been dieting for three-four years now….
It’s all adding up to be too much for me right now.
My husband texted this to me. He found this little scene in our kids’ bathroom.