This is the only picture I’ve taken in several days and, if you read here with any regularity, you know that I hate photo-free posts. Anyhow… My dad made me this necklace when he first started slumping glass many many moons ago and I texted it to him to show that it was made with love and I wear it with love. I like having things like that in my life, things that remind me of moments and people as I interact with them throughout my day.
There are two things that people say to me – with startlingly regularity- that just make me cringe. They go something like this:
“I always knew you had such a pretty face under there!”
“I’d better get started losing weight or you’re going to catch up to me!”
You can say pretty much anything else to me, but these ones make me want to vomit. Most anything else comes off as kind and well intentioned. I say most. I’m sure one could be really nasty. I’m talking about the people who worry they have offended me by recognizing the change in my body and have told me I look good/healthy/slender/skinny/yougettheidea. I totally understand that you’re just saying, “Good job!” And “Keep it up!”
The statements other above, though…
‘I always knew you had a pretty face under there’ is always completed in my mind with ‘but you covered it up with your grotesque fat! You were repulsive back then! Now that the fat is gone, I can look at you and actually conceive of some level of attractiveness that was completely absent before! Good job!’
It just seems judgmental, focused on the negative, focused on appearance overall and it gives me an unpleasant window into that person’s mind and their perception of what the world does and should look like. Knowing that ‘before’ I fit into the side of gross, fat, unattractive rabble in someone’s mind does not make me want to cross that bridge to hang out with that person now that I’m more acceptable. Rather, I want to run in the opposite direction. Someone who says that doesn’t seem like a true blue friend. Someone who says that seems like they might not be my friend if my appearance changes, unfavorably, in the future.
The second one is really hard for me to swallow. Perhaps people just want to engage in the friendly spirit of competition, but to me it just reveals the value of my friendship to that person. When someone tells me that they had ‘better get going or I’m going to pass them’, I immediately realize that I am their fat friend. I’m not a friend, I’m an accessory by which that person can measure their success in life and attractiveness. As long as I stay fatter than that friend, that friend gets to be secure. Once I get close to that person’s stature, that person has to re-evaluate their own attractiveness. One seems more attractive when standing next to the fat girl in some circles. Not all circles, fortunately, but many. But put the girls side by side and you know what would usually happen… A fat friend lends a lot of security to otherwise insecure people. I don’t want to be anyone’s tool.
So, anything else. Notice, observe, compliment, and ask questions. Ask how I like the changes. Ask about my exercise. Notice I’m smaller. Anything- but not this. Not things that reduce my personal value to my attractiveness or unattractiveness. In this case- my fatness to less fatness. We are better than this, aren’t we?
Wow, so chiding, Mrs. L.
Regarding this week’s goals:
I’m 1 hour 20 minutes down on the elliptical, have 40 minutes left for the week.
I have one weights workout done – today I did arms and tummy
I still need to run but am thinking it will have to be this weekend. I’m too in love with the elliptical right now to leave my cozy house! I’ve also bonused two walks. Doing and feeling fine…