It’s totally true. I’m off the exercise and weightloss wagon right now. At first, I was panicking- like, what am I going to do?! Common sense eludes me sometime and I just get anxious, filled with worry, then depressed. Thankfully I reached out to Jess, from Runs For Coffee, and she confessed to similar issues she dealt with several weeks ago. She told me to take a breath and call it maintenance. For some reason, when I call it maintenance it feels like I’m on track so she totally put me at ease. Since then I’ve just been chilling. Taking one day at a time, taking it at face value, not expecting much of myself other than just survival and making it happen. I feel like I might be reaching a balance point again where I can catch my breath. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe…
I’m not crazy, I promise you that. Or at least any crazier than the rest of the mid-forties-with-kids set. It’s the end of the school year, I’m a teacher, I decided to put on an insect museum with my own class and talent show for the whole school, end of year evaluations happened* and saying goodbye to what has to be one of my favorite groups of students I’ve ever worked with is more emotional than one might imagine… It’s a lot.
This week should finally turn back to a more normal place. I’ve got the academics for the year planned out, all my copies are made, paper is chopped. My volunteers are all lined up for special events and I even ordered a dress for the kids to decorate that I’ll wear near the last day. I hope that my brain can relax enough to start with a little physical activity again. I’ve done a few hikes and walks, but I’d like to squeeze a run or two in this week. I haven’t gained any weight, but I’d also like to stop night binging. While it’s controlled binging, I feel habits creeping in that I don’t appreciate and I need to nip them in the bud.
Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. We both wear glasses now, our weight has changed and we have two kids, now, but that’s any all that has changed. I’d jump again if he asked, again, today. Last weekend the kids went away for a night and we walked around Edmonds, took in the view, ate at our favorite wine bar and headed home. Today it is supposed to be 90 degrees, or some ridiculous temperature, so I’m glad we celebrated last week. I imagine today will be an anniversary for the back patio, a BBQ and some pool time! 🙂
[Everyone needs a #1 fan. Going through our archives I found something my husband made when I first started running- is this true love or what?! What a nice find on our anniversary! ❤️]
* My evaluation went great. I’m a fabulous teacher. That might sound arrogant or flip, but I was seriously questioning whether or not I was in the right field a few years ago. I was being evaluated by a person who has a very different philosophy on what education should look like than me and as a result I earned terrible marks and had decided to give teaching one more year to see if it really is my jam. A new environment allowed me a different kind of space to spread my wings in and I found that not only am I a decent teacher, my classroom is the kind I would want my own kids to learn in. I’m by no means perfect, but I honest to goodness try hard, teach well, give my all and love each kid as much as possible. Coming from a place of such despair and low self esteem, regarding my self-perception as a teacher, to being able to say that I am a good teacher AND to be backed up by my evaluator with the highest marks possible means the world to me.