An Act of Defiance

I am sick of being sick. I think today I can finally say I’m pretty much over it… Because I ran today! I find that at the end of a cold I wrestle with that whole I’m-too-sick-reality versus I’m-too-sick-excuses conundrum. I’ve hit the streets too soon, before, and ended up with nasty bronchitis- unrelated or not to the running. But it happened and I’m gunshy. And there are times when laziness took over and the illness excuse to not run is so terribly inviting that I succumb. I did it last night. I was ‘too tired after recovering from this nasty cold… Just one more night and I’ll get back to it…’ Last night, so tonight when I came home and saw my bestest jammers in the whole wide world beckoning from my closet, I’ll totally cop to having them up around my knees before I realized what I was doing. I was letting myself ‘have one more night to recover’. But I had a good day with my students today, I was in a good mood, wasn’t hungry, thirsty, grumpy or… Sick.
So I shucked my jams, threw on my running shoes (and clothes), hopped on my treadmill and promised myself 20 minutes until I could get off. After 20 minutes, though, I was still feeling good so I kept on going for another 15, just to show myself I could.
I read an article recently, the title and author escape me now, where a woman was speaking to a friend about treating his aggressive cancer. She told him that when the cancer gets worse, that is the time to take another treatment, to try something new, to take a stand, an act of defiance against the cancer! It spoke to me so loud. My stubbornness is power. Whether or not it works, the act of defiance is good for the soul. It’s me standing up against the aggressive tide of poor food and exercise choices and choosing my health and my life. It’s hard, daily. I fail, daily. But I am defiant that I will win. I am defiant, stubborn and am willing myself into the healthier and, hopefully, longer lasting version of myself.
Getting on the treadmill today was an act of defiance against my blerch, against myself. That extra 15 minutes was me deflating it. It was a beautiful act of defiance, however small, and I am proud. Proud of my whole day, too. It was a day lived well. Absolutely worth one of my jelly beans.
Here’s to getting back to it in every way!

Oh, and this. 207.8! Woot woot!
So, something serious, though. I found out NKOTB is coming way sooner than I expected. I’m going to try for it, 185, by May 6th. That’s 24 pounds in two months. I told myself that I as long as I work hard and make reasonable progress I will see about the big unknown thing that I get to do. I’m at stupid level of excitement, though. It’s kind of ridiculous.
(But I love it!)

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