Diary

I just heard of diet better last week and boy, am I intrigued…
The deal is, basically, you pay 25 dollars a month to either lose ten percent of your weight over six months or four percent of your weight over four weeks. At the end of each month, there are winners and losers. The winners claim a cash prize and the losers lose their 25 dollars which is put into the pot to split among the winners at the end.
I know I am a contender. I’m losing weight well. Like, very well when I really put my mind to it. I could totally win some bucks and I am not adverse to using external rewards to net such an important result. This time it is fear holding me back. Going into the holidays I want to make sure I approach it reasonably. I want to be smart about my choices but I also want to leave room to indulge. My plan is to diet and exercise my butt off, then on actual Thanksgiving and actual Christmas I can cut loose a little. Skip my run. Eat some cheeze ball. Committing to losing 8.2 pounds between now and December 15th sounds like folly, but I’m thinking a 10% goal between January and June would be totally reasonable- right around 22 pounds, by today’s numbers.
The other part of me, however, is more altruistic. While I’m joining a group that is intending to lose weight, we are all betting on ourselves, that we will be successful. And we’re also kind of hoping that the people in our group won’t be successful. If they are not, we get their money. It’s greedy and self serving and while I can turn a blind eye to the whole dark side, I’m complicit in capitalizing on someone else’s failure.
Am I too worried about this? Probably.
As of now, I’m thinking it will be my new year commitment to try it out and we’ll see if I can keep up with it.

We started our run today by combining our extra large loop with the Finn Hill Park loop, creating a super loop. Only the super loop was just about 3.8 and I was hoping for closer to a five miler. You know, cuz I’m pushing my mileage? Anyhow, we followed that big loop up with the smallest loop and totaled a 4.6 mile run. At first I was disappointed I didn’t make five, then I realized I pushed past four miles with little issue. Pretty awesome. After that we walked a cool down mile with the kids. Gigi ran ahead like the dickens, running almost the whole distance. The trees were beautiful, my family happy and I had this moment where I marveled at my amazing life. I probably say that too much, but seriously, look at my little Cap’n America there. That’s happiness. That’s family. That’s why I’m doing all this.
***
Goals:
Run between 12-15 miles this week
Be honest about what you’re eating (Halloween candy is a b*tch)

I’ve never run in November before. I’ve walked, maybe done a little hiking, but run? Unless forced by my middle and junior high school PE teachers, I’ve never been a runner in November.
It’s fun to realize things like that and celebrate. I realized recently that in a few months I’ll be celebrating my year anniversary of Tamara Shazam. It doesn’t seem like I’ve been here that long…
Anyhow, last night we had a terrific wind storm that extended into today. I watched the weather as the rain deluged the street. While I love running in the rain, my previous cold weather running experience is as a much heavier person who only ran for 10-20 minutes at a time. I now have much less of an insulating layer and I run for 30-40 minutes now. I’ve been worried about keeping warm- but not too warm! And running in the rain longer means ill be wetter when I’m done. Today I dressed warm. Too warm! I had on three layers up top plus knee socks and gloves. It was a bit much.
After not running for four days, I wanted to burn some distance. We decided to run our newest big loop that takes us off road, through a grassy park, on trails and across bridges! Today the wind storm added lots of fallen branches and other debris. It was a bit thrilling, hopping over this and around that. We ran a total of 3.3 miles at a really easy (slow) pace, then picked up the kids and the dog for an additional mile for a cool down. It was a great workout.
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The Halloween candy is gaining a bit of ground, I’m sad to say. It’s not like I’m eating tons, but last night I ate four fun-sized something or others and today I had fun sized m+m’s, fun sized snickers and a fun sized Twix. It was fun, as the name suggests, but I broke away from the sack before it got too big a hold on me. I tell you what, though, two days after Halloween last year and we had much less candy than now.
I think it’s funny how I need to write about this so much. I suppose that should tell you what a temptation it is to me.
***
Go look at this.
I have yet to run more than five miles at a time, but I could relate to a lot of it, and that which wasn’t personal to me, I certainly could connect to the spirit. It also kind of made me want to train for a half marathon! Ha ha!
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Finally, I figured out what my next goal reward will be: eyelash extensions! I also figured out that when I weigh 200 I’ll be just ‘overweight’ and no longer ‘obese’. I remember when I was morbidly obese. That was no fun. Life keeps getting easier as I get smaller and stronger. I can move faster, get around easier, I’m in less pain and I can do things like catch up with the runaway trick-or-treating boys on Halloween night with no problem!

Today was fine. Nothing big. I mean, I cried like a big ole baby about it being the last day I’m in my thirties and how much I love my life and I loved my thirties and my forties are gonna rock… Anyways, I think it was a little cathartic because I feel much better now. I said goodbye. Mourned it. Now I’m onto the next hot thang and that starts with the number four!
Whee.
I’ll muster the enthusiasm tomorrow.
Cuz I’m a Hawt 39 year old for the next…three hours and ten minutes!
🙂

We went for a short run today- an easy two miler around our regular longer route. On the way home the wind was blustering around like mad and the leaves were flying through the sun every which way! It was all swishy and crunchy and crackly with every step. I loved our run today.
Ok- three hours six minutes- Gotta go!

Ok. I’m just going to sit here and whine, moan, groan, all of that for a minute.
Remember last month when I was all like, “It’s like the fat is melting off of me!”
I knew I would have to eat those words.
I JUST WEIGHED MYSELF AT 226?!
226!!!
I’m in disbelief.
Have I been running?
YES
Have I been careful about my diet?
85% of the time, YES!
I know I’ve said I’ve been treating myself, but I’m still staying within my calorie allowance as long as I’ve been kicking my butt running. Sometimes the foods are not as high quality though… Heh…
So why do I weigh 226?!
WHERE DID 220 GO?!?!
PMS has something to do with it – gaining 8-10 in water weight for the thrilling PMS week is not unheard of for me, but this is ridiculous and disheartening. Especially when my body is so tired from pushing and working out so hard… I am staying off the scale until PMS is gone. Then I’ll regroup and see what I’m working with.

Today we went to the pumpkin patch and had a really nice time with my extended family- my parents, brothers, wives and kids all showed up to seek out the most sincere pumpkin in the field. We also find that this is the best time and location for a yearly family snapshot. So that was good. I was surprised with a bit of a birthday party while we were there. My mom marked my 40th by passing along the same Hummel that she bought for her own 40th birthday. I decided that I will hang onto it for the next three decades and, like the earrings we promised as a toddler and she received at ten faster than we thought possible, I’m sure it will feel like a blink in this case too before I’m passing this along.
~Time flies, and if we are lucky enough, we get to fly right along with it. (Tyler Knott Gregson).

This was my birthday weekend (my parents took our kids for the night) and, as a result, I decided to slacken my tight hold on my diet. We went to Trader Joes to get some healthier snacks and I came home with a wide variety of Greek dips and delicious nuts and the Trader Joe’s brand pop chips. I enjoyed my feast last night and promptly fell asleep around 9:30 right after the point in Ghostbusters when they get their first gig… Talk about living it up while the kids are gone! We had a great time! Then 2:00 rolled around and I tasted everything I ate again with the resulting indigestion. Pleasant. Once again, I received that special reminder that crap food makes me feel like crap. Will I never learn?!

That’s me in my Adventuretime LSP costume. Today’s pictures will have little to do with anything except Halloweenish awesomeness.

Here’s Beemo and me, chilling all Adventuretime style.
Anyhow, that Beemo dude and I have been killing the miles. In the past seven days we’ve run a very respectable 16.7 miles. We’ve totally been keeping up with the mileage I set for myself and I am really proud.
I’m tired, though. When I run lately, I am hearing those negative voices of doubt and failure creeping in- the likes of which I haven’t heard since before I became a runner. Today we ran to a local park, through it and back home, a total of 3.3 miles, and I had to keep coaching myself to move forward, to not walk, to not give up. It was strange because I’ve always been so determined but lately, I’m not sure what it is, the increased mileage, additional speed, the reality of working and working out daily- whatever it is has me with a need of a real attitude adjustment. I finally said aloud to myself that I needed to remember how determined I am and I need to quit letting negative thoughts dominate my head. After that I did better.
The funny thing is how freaked out I get when I don’t work out, so I know it’s not even an option to not get a bit of a run in. And as long as I’m running, I might as well make it worth my time by running three miles to burn up some real calories… It’s a vicious cycle!

My dear daughter. So beautiful…

I’m nuts about nuts. Seriously. The shifty cashew (another legume masquerading as a nut, sheesh!) and the sultry allure of the smoked almond… Shall I wax poetic? Pair either with a piece of chocolate and you have the kind of trifecta that has almost bested me all week. Because of that tub of cashews and the tub of smoked almonds, I’ve been maintaining all week. Not to mention I actually ate some real chips at work (like a handful) and there may or may not have been some ritz bits (cheese- I have a love/hate relationship with overly processed cheese) or a handful of peanut m&ms. And candy corn. Then I sit back and wonder why I’m not losing weight. Ha ha!
I haven’t been this bad in a long time. A looooooonnng time!
I’m back on track though now. How do I know? Conference week is over, the treats are no longer in the staff room, I hid the nuts we own from myself and did I mention I finished conferences? I’m not kidding that this is the picture I took of the moment I stepped off campus today and made my way home:

I think I was a little happy (I know I look in pain but I’m not)! But who wouldn’t be? I had a great conference week (I have the most wonderful families-AGAIN!), and staying late those two nights means I have two half days where I can actually leave early, today and tomorrow! Now I can celebrate my birthday with my husband, away from the children while they are at school (this is a first for that!). I don’t even know what we are going to do, but I feel so full- of happiness, love, satisfaction and joy. Let my fortieth birthday begin, and my 41st year of life become mine. 🙂
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Goals for this insane week… How am I doing?
I made a pretty big menu of work outs this week and so far… I’m perfecto. Well, not perfect. ‘Doing Weights’ is fairly subjective and I didn’t give myself a specific time allowance… LOL. Of course the weights are where I’m failing. But at running three miles? I’m golden. We’ve actually been running about 3.3 miles. Suddenly I’m a little slower, but I think that is just my body responding to the additional distance. I mean, really, I went from regularly running 1.3-1.8 miles at a time to consistent 3.3-3.5 miles at a time. I doubled or more than doubled the distance, so I think my slower speed is excusable.

I checked day one of conferences off about three hours ago! It feels good! I actually am the rare one who likes conferences. I can chit chat all day until the cows come home, and conferences are just that: chatting about all these cool little people I get to hang out with all day every day all week long! And no, that is not tongue in cheek at all. I love teaching, being a teacher and working with children with passion. The system I do it in can be a bit sticky, but we do our best.
I committed to running three miles this afternoon and I followed through with that commitment. We headed out as soon as I arrived home and we made a slowish pace over 3.3 miles. My thighs are really burning lately on my runs. That’s been interesting. I don’t know why my thighs feel so much stress lately! I got to 3.1 miles and decided to walk the remaining .2 miles the rest of the way home. The other day we walked about a mile after our run and I really enjoyed having relaxed time to walk and chat with my love. The next good thing about the cool down walk is that I’m ready for the hot tub when I get home- I’m not boiling hot! Quick shower and I can go right in.

‘Blur’- the dog. Do you think Miss Martha is happy about the autumnal weather?!