Month: February 2018

Today marks day number seven of the Whole 30 and guess what?  I’m doing great!  I am so proud of myself, I haven’t cheated by eating off plan on purpose once.  Not once!  And there were opportunities…  Like when I smelled Doritos and had to actively redirect my brain to focus elsewhere.  Or when I came home to Friday night pizza night and I couldn’t participate.  Each time I’ve had to pull up my big girl panties then seek out my satisfying alternative.  They do exist and I’m in shock at how well all of this seems to be going.

When I think about why this seems easy it comes down to me being the kind of person who does really well with defined boundaries.  I like having things and practices on and off the list.  As a vegetarian, I’m used to looking at a menu and having a very small selection.  As a fat girl, shopping was limited to very few stores with very little square footage dedicated to my person.  I had to make do.  Refocus.  Try a different route. 

It’s working, too.  I feel good.  I’m not tired or spacey.  I’m not hungry more than normal.  The strangest thing?  With the exception of eggs, it’s vegan.  I’ve always wanted to try being vegan but was afraid to do it.  Now I’m learning that it’s not so hard and the eggs are my least favorite part of any meal.  On top of that, I weighed in at 230 today which means I’ve lost nine pounds since 1/1/18!



  I feel so happy to be back to myself again.  Truthfully, I’ve been feeling a bit lost.  My identity seemed in flux and I wasn’t too sure what to think about myself.  I felt myself morphing back into my old self and I felt powerless to her, my inner fat girl.  This fresh start was just the perfect thing to redirect myself with a new plan.  My previous way of doing things kept leading me back through a cycle where I’d be successful for two or three days then I’d trust myself to make smart choices.  That inevitably turned into problematic habit building and I’d end up losing any momentum I got in those three days at the beginning!  This time I feel like I’m back.  For realz!

I’m almost  finished with day three of my Whole30.  So far so good.  I think my timing for starting is good for me because I’m not having too many cravings, I’m not hungry and I’m not prowling for food.  Could it be that I’m eating right so my body is happy and satisfied?!?!  What a thought!

One thing that I’m sort of struggling with is making sure that my food is whole.  Let me explain.  According to Whole30 plan, we are not supposed to make fancy, compliant pancakes or desserts that replace the ones we like because the goal is to shift one’s entire way of eating.  We want to change habits, not just lose a couple of pounds.  There is this acronym SWYPO which means (and I’m not making this up) ‘sex with your pants on.’  The idea is that having sex with our pants on, while satisfying and meeting our needs, is not nearly as good as with our pants off.  Instead of having sub-par experiences with compromised foods that are compliant in ingredients but not in spirit, instead we aim to enjoy the foods we are eating.  Find new favorites.  You get the idea.  So the other day I was eating spaghetti squash with tomatoes and it was just meh.  I added a tablespoon of cashew cream and it blew my mind!  So good!  It was like vodka sauce!  Later I was in a cycle of self congratulation with myself and realized I may have accidentally SWYPOed!  I started dialing everything back to basics after that and was essentially looking at a plate with squash, lentils, vegetables and never shall they touch!  I couldn’t imagine the author wanted me to do that and I realized the idea isn’t to restrict foods, necessarily, rather explore and integrate whole, healthy foods.  Almost everything is an imitation of something, this is no different.  When I try making Whole 30 brownies is when I need to regroup!

Welp, I made it!!  I was honest to goodness worried about starting a restrictive nutrition plan on a Sunday with access to my kitchen all day long, but today was a solid success!  I ate the foods I prepared when I got hungry for them and everything went pretty well.

I decided to journal my food a little differently this time.  I’m posting everything I eat to a new Instagram feed, so if you’re wondering what a vegetarian person eating the Whole 30 way consumes, click here and follow!

 

A few things:

• I need some soy sauce.  Bad.  I bought the wrong kind and it’s guh -ross!!  It’s made with black sesame seeds and is 2x concentrated.  That’s what you get for assuming all soy sauce is created equal at the Asian food market.
• I also need some almond butter.  It will be a salve that soothes, I’m certain.
• Plantain chips are about to become very important to me.
• Cauliflower rice does not taste like rice, it only looks like rice.  Once it’s in your mouth it is definitely cauliflower no matter how much like rice it looks.  Cauliflower is nummy, but it’s good to be aware going in that you can’t fool your mouth that easily!
• Cinnamon on sweet potatoes is heavenly.
• I got the sugar bug around 4:00, ate half an apple and it did the trick.  Phew!
• Cashew cream is easy to make and it actually tastes really good!  Soak a cup of raw cashews overnight in 2 cups of room temp water, pour off the water the next day, add 1/2 a cup of water and blend it up until it’s creamy smooth.  I added salt, lemon and nutritional yeast to make mine more cheesy.  It isn’t going to fool you into thinking it’s cream cheese or sour cream, but YUM!  You won’t care!

I happened to come down with a vicious cold this morning so I sat around in a stupor all day.  I did important tasks like making my bed and drawing in my bullet journal.  Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow and can work out.

Why is it dirty?  Because if it’s dirty I’m more interested.  Like my music: if I clutch my pearls and gasp with shock, I loooove it!  Calling it the Dirty Whole 30 makes it sound mysterious and luridly licentious even though it is none of those things.  It’s just really clean eating.  Ha!

But I digress.  I’ve been struggling, yo.  For real!  I lost that fiver in January, earned an injury and dialed my focus back so far from Diet and exercise that I actually bounced up to 242 before I settled back down to 234.  I always wonder how much I’d weigh if I managed to avoid all that bouncing up and down the scale… back when I was at my healthiest I ate a lot of raw food.  My plate was filled with fruits and veggies, rarely did I rely on carbs.  I felt good when I ate that way.  I performed well and I’m really having a hard time getting back to that low carb/clean eating way of life.  The Whole 30 seemed to be a really good way of getting back to basics.

In a nutshell, the Whole 30 is a 30 day, fairly restrictive eating plan that is designed to rethink and redesign your relationship to food and your eating habits.  Sugar is the one I’m most concerned about.  I’m certain that I have a keen sugar addiction right now.  I won’t be eating any refined carbs, no sugar, no dairy or animal fats.  The program relies heavily on meal planning and preparation so that when you are confronted with a weak moment, you have something to eat.

I will be allowing a couple of alternates that will hopefully not impact the results.  I’m going to allow eating in between meals.  The plan’s ideal is to rely on three meals with minimal snacking.  Vegetarian food is processed through the body more quickly than a meat eater’s diet.  That means I will get hungry faster and if I want to be successful, I am going to have to plan for that by having some bananas and apples ready.  Another thing I’m going to allow is when my parents come over in a week.  I promised to make posole and I’m just going to enjoy the evening rather than worry about being on a diet and not eating this meal I’ve been planning to make for my dad for a month now!  Additionally, there are some allowances made for vegans and vegetarians by the program author so it is possible to do whole 30 without the animal flesh focus, I’ll just be inclusive of more tofu and eggs.  I think I’ll hate eggs by the end of this.  LOL

Things I am Planning on being Challenged by:

• Morning coffee- this will be an adjustment.  I can have coconut cream but no sugar.  I will definitely need to experiment with my caffeine in the morning!
• Night snacking is going to be tricky.  I have a big nighttime habit that is doing me no favors presently.
• Cutting soda pop- I will still have seltzer water but diet root beer is one of my primary crutches.  Losing that will be difficult.  Not impossible, but it’s going to challenge me.
• I’m slightly worried that I won’t want to exercise because of the nutrition shift (low energy?).

Things I’m planning on looking forward to:

• Most people lose between 10-30 pounds.  I will appreciate that.
• Beat my sugar addiction!
• Realizing the power of me- I know I can do this!
• Opening up my palate to more flavors again.
• Getting healthy!!
• I’m honestly more excited than worried and that is a very good thing.

One of my favorite things so far is definitely making my whole 30 bullet journal.  Making the pages is helping me to clearly understand what I will be doing for the next 30 days!  My whole 30 will take place between February 18th and March 19th.  Prepare to read a lot about it here!  Ha!

I’ve got this.

So.  Official pictures from the My Bettter Half Marathon came in and I’m noticing an alarming trend of getting fatter.  That’s a 40 pound weight gain right there.  The first year was the year I was doing 2016 miles in Run the Year.  I was a machine, running my butt off.  I was in great shape, training like a champion.  The next year, last year, I was coming to terms with my extremely challenging class and was dealing with the stress with a lot of eating.    This year definitely shows that progression.  I’ve gone from curvy/pleasantly plump to fat and I don’t like it one bit.

We headed out to Seward Park for our third year running  My Better Half Marathon/10k on Sunday, February 11th.  We ran the 10k version, of course.  Gigi ran like the wind, Jude and I chugged along behind.  I always love this race because it really does make me walk my talk.  I always say I want to celebrate events without it always having to be centered around a pile of food, and this race certainly allows me to celebrate Valentine’s Day without gaining ten pounds!

This race was my maiden voyage since my knee injury that I’ve been babying.  I was fully prepared to cut the race into a 5k if need be, but when I came around for my second loop, I was feeling frisky and fine!  I kept up with my super slow jog (14 minute miles, y’all) and was able to finish the whole run with just about half a mile walking.  I haven’t been able to train with all the healing and resting so it felt GREAT to finish the whole thing and to have run almost all of it!  I did pay in soreness, though.  Wow.

When I got home I made my race schedule for the year and realized how many races I have in March!  I have the Hot Chocolate 15k on 3/4, the Big Climb around the 25th and Shamrock Run 5k on 3/17!  That means I really need to get some training miles in, and guess what the weather is supposed to do on this long weekend, perfect for training miles?  SNOW!  Ha!  Of course!

* I’m still fundraising and am 100 shy of my goal.  If you are interested in supporting me on my climb and cancer research, please donate.  Even a dollar is helpful!

Also, don’t forget-  if you register for an Orca race, use code tamarashazam18 for a 15% discount!  

My injury played some serious head games on me.  That twang hit my hip and knee and I lost it- all of my determination, my stamina, my hope.  I just plopped down, threw my hands up and started singing the woe is me tune about how nothing is going my way.  That I’m stopped at every turn and why oh why did this happen?  Yeah.  I had a nice little pity party full of giving up.  I went to the doctors and was basically told to take it easy but I was pretty freaked out.

Anyhow, on Friday I kind of woke up and wondered what the heck happened.  Sure, I had a minor injury, but it was minor.  Minor.  Then I happened to look at some pictures of myself from as recent as last summer, when I thought I looked fat, and I didn’t look fat.  I looked great!  Again: what was wrong with me?  A little disgusted with my attitude, I decided to take stock of my accomplishments:

1. I lost five pounds.  While I was super disappointed to not lose the nine I wanted to lose through DietBet, I did lose five pounds.  That’s nothing to sneeze at.  Five pounds is great and I should be celebrating, not feeling ashamed.
2. My exercise was consistent.  I didn’t want to run a bunch outside, but I was getting it done and the work was showing on the scale and in my body.
3. I have gained 40 pounds since my all time low of 190.  It makes sense that working out is harder for me and will take some adjustment.  I’ve got a lot more moving and shaking on my frame!
4. I have a big fat roll around my middle that wasn’t there last year.  I really despise it (not an accomplishment, more like a consequence, but somehow it belonged in the list 🤣).
5. Running is tricky and I have a bunch of races in front of me, but that doesn’t mean I have to run them all.  Some can have distances adjusted and others don’t have to be attended at all.  I have a gym membership and should use it as much as I need to eat the workouts I need to see the outcome I want.
6. I want it.  Bad.  I want it so bad that I decided I’m truly invested in doing the work that will get the results!

To that end, I decided to go to Zumba today.  I danced wimpy, just to make sure things old go well, and they did!  I didn’t do all the squats or lunges or leaps.  If there was a bunch of jumping, I kind of hopped in place, if that makes sense.  I was pleased to note that I still sweated my butt iff, my heart rate still soared appropriately and I got a good workout without the injury.  I feel like I’m back. 🙂

I’m planning on going to spin/lift tomorrow and Zumba on Thursday.  I’ll see about squeezing something else in, as well.  Here we go again!  I’ll try for four-six pounds this month and we will see what happens.