Diary

1.75

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Here’s the great thing about having lived a life in fear of physical activity- I was afraid of so much that I have lots of celebrations and milestones that are all kind of piling up now! My body is chock full of opportunities to show me how efficiently it really can work! Add losing weight to that and I feel like I’m crowing about some new accomplishment or milestone every other day! It feels good, though.
Today I have another milestone. I ran 1.75 miles WITHOUT STOPPING! My average mph was a bit over ten (I’m terrible with the math for some reason) per mile and my total run time was 17:03 minutes. A bit over 10 minute mile? Amazeballs! So taking long strides made a huge difference! I remember not so long ago when I ran for 12 straight minutes and made it about half a mile. That was barely a month ago! I still look at that as such a ginormous accomplishment. Running 17 minutes straight and making 1.75 miles is unfathomable. But, I just did it, so I guess not.
(If you read this an hour or two ago, I had all kinds of wrong numbers in here. I tried doing the math for what my mph was WHILE running up the hill trying to distract myself. I got two steps into my equations, couldn’t process and just thought oh! I guess I ran this much this fast BUT I LEFT OFF A QUARTER MILE! Silly ole me.)
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Motivation
When Gigi was a baby I had this horrible dream one night. I was at the Bellingham Bellis Fair Mall over by the Red Robin (for those not in the know, it is a huge parking area that is rarely occupied, so there is lots of free space) and my car wouldn’t start. Of course, it’s the middle of the night in the dream, the mall is closed and no one is around. Gigi was just a baby in the dream too and all of the sudden this guy rides up in a motorcycle with a milk crate tied on the back with bungee cords. He grabs Gigi and I manage to barely get up as he’s stepping away from me with her. He’s mocking me as he backs slowly up to his motorcycle, drops Gigi in the crate and tries to start the cycle. I know that if I run I can catch him, I start running awkwardly, my knees hurt, my muscles burn, I’m almost there. His bike fails and I keep running, but I get so exhausted and I’m so out of practice with any kind of physical activity that my muscles are just apathetic. Tired, failing, I lose my balance and barely brush the edge of her sweater with my fingertips as he rides away, her little dark eyes staring back at me through the darkness. I try to run, but know it’s pointless. And there I am, completely helpless to save her, crying, wondering if I will ever see her again, what will happen to her, to our family, how I will explain this to everyone, and how I am going to live with this for the rest of my life? In the dream I knew that if I had been more physically fit that I wouldn’t have watched her ride away. I could have saved her. If only I could run. Even a little.
Determination
Today I joke that if the movie Zombieland were accurate, while I wouldn’t be the fastest of the runners to get away, I wouldn’t be the slowest either. I would have a chance, however small, because I do cardio and I can run a mile, now a mile and a half, without stopping. While a mile isn’t very far if zombies are coming, I also know that over time my endurance would pick up, that I would get faster, that my body is capable. It’s showing me that right now. I don’t need to succumb to the zombies, to give up. And while I’m being kind of silly about the zombies, I’m dead serious about being so happy to have yet one more tool that can help to take care of my kids. No man is gonna throw my baby into a milk crate! And if he tries, he will feel the wrath of Tam-RAH!
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I have to humbly acknowledge that I am amassing a small readership (small because how can that many people be this awesome, amiright?!). I want to say welcome and thank you for coming. I welcome your presence, your feedback, your questions and comments!

A Moment

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Capturing the moment of 246…

If you would like to compare/contrast, here is me at my start (330-340, unsure), during (about 270) and this week during (246). I’m noticing small changes in the second to third photos – only a 24 pound difference. My thighs look a little smaller, but the major difference is I’m not as thick/deep anymore. My shape in my abdomen looks pretty much the same, just a lot less round!

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I think it is funny that I have such weird hair in all three of these- two wigs an one odd pony/bun!!

Spring Break. Wahoo?

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Spring Break! Wahoo! Right?
Mmmmm…..
Notsomuch.
I’m a teacher and teachers have to renew their certificates often and this break that is what I’m doing. It’s not a big deal, but I’m resentful about doing it so I’m really struggling with the process. It’s three loooong papers justifying my teaching practices. So this break I am sitting on my rear end typing typing typing. You may have noticed my lack of enthusiasm about this.
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However, I’m not a snacker when I work. I can’t have anything distracting around otherwise I get nothing done. So my calories have been easily maintained.
And I’m always looking for an excuse to stop. Body break? Wii Fit is perfect for that! Add in a couple of walks with some running intervals and I’m meeting my exercise needs as well.
Plus, not a drop of anything to drink that is not just pure water.
So, while I’m not thrilled with my vacation activity, I am more than ok with the nutrition and exercise plan!

Water

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Liquid can be tricky for me. I don’t/won’t drink calories, so that leaves me with water or diet beverages. For a few years now I’ve relied a lot on stuff like iced tea, crystal lite, soda pop and very little plain water.

I went through a HUUUGE soda phase when I first started dieting. I’m a big believer in crutches- we get pain meds after surgery to lessen the pain, I think that if you need a few weeks of soda pop to get you over the hump of craving something, do it. As long as it doesn’t become a lifelong habit, most likely you’ll be ok and the long term benefit of the healthier choice overall will outweigh the short term crutch that may not be part of your long term plan. I used soda for a long time and finally kicked it when I realized how much money we were spending on it- it amounted to some vacation time.
Ouch!

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Last summer I switched to crystal lite, but I’m realizing that the sodium, among other things, is just not doing me any favors. My body is a water retention genius and can hold pounds and pounds of water. Today, after eating lots of salt yesterday, I weighed in at 252 in the morning (compared to 248 yesterday morning). This was unacceptable to me. After reading a little more about sodium, I decided to take the next step today- I’m trying to drink water. Exclusively. I could flush my system and hydrate drinking just water. Unheard of for me. Seriously. I did we’ll today- nothing but water.

I don’t like cold or hot water. The best water is water that has been sitting on the counter all day and is room temperature. So this morning, I filled all the pretty bottles my husband has collected over the years with fresh water and set it out to raise to drinking temperature. All day I sipped, guzzled and drank my way through one and a half of them.

This afternoon? 249. Worked like a charm.

Easter

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Easter has been tough. I love those Cadbury Mini Eggs. LOVE them. As I love those big ones that are filled with that gross gooey icing stuff that looks like egg. I think Easter is my favorite candy holiday… So, yeah, the Easter Bunny brought it all to my kids. I honestly asked my kids to hide their Easter baskets from Mommy so I wouldn’t nibble on them. Thankfully they complied, but it was a hard day once I knew those things were in the house! I’m finding that keeping a ‘clean’ cupboard in really important for me. When I have junk, clearly I crave it.
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My return to exercise has been a great success. Since Wednesday I’ve run three miles and walked more. In addition, I’ve done my strengthening to round it out. I took today off, opting instead for napping in the sun. If there’s one thing my excer-break taught me, its that i need time off from pushing myself to let my body heal. if I don’t, I pay the price of a plateau and pain. Tomorrow I’ll bring it again!

Core Strength- Who Knew?

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I just keep getting shocked. When considering my body, I just can’t believe what a slacker I have been my whole life! It’s funny to think how little priority I’ve given to my stomach muscles, in particular. I thought having a flat stomach was the only reason one would bother to work their abs. It never occurred to me that it could actually improve my life.
My ab work, as I have said before, is the abs workout from the app ‘workouts’ that plays movies to go along with a timed workout. By the end of it my abs huuuurrt! And it’s only five minutes long so far! I also use the Wii balance games, yoga and hula hoop game. I know, it seems stupid, but I’m telling you! The wii Fit stuff works! My core is getting really stable and I’m getting flexible and I’m beginning to notice some surprising changes.
*I tied my shoe while standing on one foot recently without losing my balance, leaning on anything OR even thinking about what I was doing.
*I find myself reaching for things that before would have been out of my reach (in other words, I trust that I won’t fall over from a lack of balance).
*I just sit up now. I don’t grab a nearby surface to help pull me up. I just sit up.
*I can sit on the floor now, criss cross applesauce style, and it doesn’t hurt. I don’t have to shift all the time or feel like I’m crunching my abs to hold myself upright the whole time. I sat on the floor for 20 minutes the other night before I realized I wasn’t uncomfortable. At all.
*I can get up from chairs without having to push myself up and lean on the nearest table.
*Intimacy is more… intimate and creative with a fit and active body. “I’m very bendy.” (*Name that quote!)

I know it doesn’t seem like a huge deal, but I feel it all the time. The awareness that I have about my balance and my ab strength all day long that is resulting from the little bit of work that I have done on my belly is mind blowing. I have not done a lot of work (like, I hit the abs app hard only twice a week, tops) yet I feel like I already have abs of steel. I can’t imagine what I’ll feel like come summer!
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Other changes that I’m noticing that are not necessarily having to do with abs…
* I can run without getting winded. Two days in a row I’ve run with my students at school. They’re just bursts or sprints, but at the end of it I’m not winded at all. But my students are. (That’s not meant to be smug, rather reflective that I need to get them outside and moving more often… But also, my fitness surprises me.)
*Without considering what I’m doing, I find myself sitting on the couch and hooking my heel on the edge with my knees curled up under my chin.
* I can get up off the ground without leaning on surfaces, needing a hand from someone or leaning on my own knees. I just pop up now. That feels nice. I always wondered how much people noticed I had to make accommodations for my body’s size and movements.
*I don’t care if I get sweaty anymore.
* I LOVE the feeling of exercising and working out. I love how I feel. I can’t believe I’m that into it. I have ALWAYS just hated working out and exercise but hated the fact that I hated being physical. It feels good to enjoy it this much.
*I just feel so friggin’ GOOD!
But mostly, I feel like I have endurance. I stepped right back into exercising after taking the week off and haven’t had a problem. I feel really good.
Oh, and I’m no longer 250.
That was short lived. I’m not sad about that at all.
🙂

* The quote was from one Ms. Phoebe Buffay from the show Friends during the episode where they ‘don’t know that we know that they know we know” (phoebe tries to seduce chandler). Yes I know my Friends, people. I know them embarrassingly well.

Dash

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Today my husband had a late afternoon job to do so I was left with a rare night alone with my kids. The weather was gorgeous, so we headed outdoors to take in our share of the sunshine.

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My whole family is working together towards being healthy and active. My daughter takes right to fitness and nutrition. Without much consideration quite recently, she decided to start doing 20 sit-ups every night because she wants to maintain a strong core and flat stomach. Quite often she chooses foods based on their nutritional impact on her body rather than just what sounds good. I think that is amazing for a nine year old kid. My son needs a little more encouragement than my daughter, but this year he has gone from fearing jumping or exhausting after a few feet of jogging, to keeping stride with me today as we ran around the blocks.

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At first, I had to cajole him along. Gigi and I ran ahead and I hoped that him falling a little behind would motivate him to pick up the pace. It did, somewhat, but humiliation is never something I would want to use as motivation. The next time he started running, I made a really big stink about how fast he was, how he was a blur! How he was just like Dash, the really fast kid from The Incredibles. ‘Dash’ bought in and insisted on being called Dash for the rest of the walk. Fine by me!
We ran about a mile and walked the rest. ‘Dash’ got really into beating me to the next sign and winning, I didn’t care because there we were, my kids and me, running together down the street in the sunshine. I loved being us this afternoon. It felt full of love, sunshine and stamina.

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Sick

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I have been sick. Like, the kind of sick that’s all up in your sinuses and makes you sneeze about 4000 times a day and makes your eyes run all -the -time- kind of sick! I will usually teach through most colds, but I can’t do it through laryngitis and I won’t do it with tears running down my face! So I stayed home.
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Being sick worked out well with my exercise vacation. I was sick throughout most of the excer-break, and my body even bonused an extra day off yesterday. Today I worked out on the Wii Fit. It’s fun, but I miss the great outdoors. Today’s workout was mostly just intended to remind my body that this is still the plan. We are still dieting, we are still working it out. We just needed a break…
(‘We’ refers to the muscles I’m rallying here at the quarter break!) The excer-break seemed to do the trick with my body. I really was getting worn out. My limbs were hurting, my joints, ALL of my muscles ached. But my hips made the most noise and were really concerning me. I’m pleased to report that after the time off my hips are totally fine. If I sit in one position too long they get stiff, but I’m relieved that I seemed to make a pretty complete recovery. Phew! I was afraid I was going to have to quit running as soon as I had begun. Like, really worried.
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The rain today was gorgeous. Being from Seattle, we get plenty of rain so it’s like blaspheme for me to utter such a phrase. But yeah. The rain looked beautiful. I came home and looked outside to see that kind of rain that turns all summery looking because the sun’s shining through the backside… All golden… It was beautiful. And then I remembered the one time I’ve ever run in the rain and how much I loved it, the way is sprayed across my face, how happy I was to realize a new reason to appreciate the rain. I was dying to go out. But no, tomorrow. Gigi and I will head out again tomorrow to see if the old hips are gonna make the magic happen.
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In other RAD news? The Color Me Rad Race happens on 8/10 in my town! I have yet to register, but I’m planning to be there, vacation allowing. If not that race, I’ll go be rad somewhere else. 🙂

Gesundheit!

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I finally am admitting it- I’m sick. Like eye watering, sneezing every 20 minutes, coughing like crazy sick. My husband just told me that I keep acting like I’m not sick, but that I am! He said I’m sensitive and cranky. I agree. I hate being sick. Grrr.
But I still have positive news.
I killed it on the Wii Fit today. Perhaps that is one of the reasons I’m so wiped out.
And my new Wii Fit age is 40! I’m eight years younger than last time!
Then I crashed out.
Sneezed some.
Blew my nose lots.
Wiped at my eyes.
Coughed and sneezed more.
And otherwise was that miserable, sick person you shield the young and elderly from.
I’m not going to work tomorrow. I have a long list of reasons I’m not happy about missing work. I’m trying to see the positive. I’ll get to boil Easter eggs and canoodle with my little, blonde, five-year-old. And being sick is a real good excuse to do lots of that.

At Last!

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So far this is my day:

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The first part of the day was decorating the venue for my daughter’s school’s PTSA auction with Pacman, Miss Pacman and a few of the ghosts and treats. After that it was retail therapy and nail painting. I’m not saying I’m the best at painting my stubby, little nails, but I do have great taste in color!

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This morning I hopped on the scale to see those two pesky pounds that jumped on as soon as I stopped exercising on Tuesday, disappear. Along with them they took a half pound, so I am down 2.5 this week after being up two earlier this week. A net of a half pound lost! I know, it doesn’t seem like THE numbers I’m looking for, but after sitting for a month without any significant movement on the scale, it feels like progress! Something! At last!

Bradley emailed me an article yesterday that was about fat. The article not only had a lot of interesting fat factoids (and a stomach turning Dr. Oz video), it also confirmed my suspicions about my body going into stress and holding onto the fat instead of letting it go.
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I did lie a little bit. I gave up 70% of my exercise. I figured my hip was really what needed rest so I took two complete days off of everything and since then I’ve played around with Wii Fit and I’ve done a few rounds of abs and arms workouts. If I stopped altogether I was afraid of losing my momentum. Today my plan is to do Wii, abs, arms and end with some of the hip exercises. I figure it’s ok. I’ve kept everything focused on strength training and it’s all been low impact. And really, I lost weight for the first time in a while. I must be doing something right!
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EmbarASSing confession- my butt is getting cuter. I was reading on Pinterest all these amazing workouts one can do on Memes, and of course they have, like, a 21 year old chick standing there in a midriff shirt, close up on the compression shorts ensconced booty – wait, lemme correct that- a high, tight, round booty that you could bounce quarters on in compression shorts. I looked at those and thought, “Man, that will never be me.”* And that may be true. It does say not for people with weak knees. I may never wear a midriff shirt (let’s give that a 3% chance of happening intentionally), but it would seem that when I work my rear, it hops to and pays a little attention! I’m liking the change and my husband is not complaining either. Lets just leave it at that. 🙂
*I realized after I wrote this that in the past having that thought would have been enough to stop me from even trying to move forward. As if because I might not ever look like the girl in that picture it just wasn’t worth it. Isn’t that strange? That some improvement wasn’t good enough? It makes me wonder how often I tell myself things aren’t possible because I allow the fear of failure to hold me back.
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And lastly…
Pet peeve of mine- why do people care so much about ‘dressing their age’?! This morning I overheard one mom say to the other, “We’ll, she’s like FIFTY and she’s trying to dress like her daughter who is 18!” A gasp and a giggle later and the room was all a flutter. I encountered this last year too at Disneyland too. There was a group of ‘adults’ in front of me commenting on a group of early twenty-something girls wearing total nerd girl shirts with quotes about reading, physics and Schrödinger’s cat. This did not escape these women who agreed that, “There just comes a time in your life when you have to buy a grown up’s t-shirt.” There I was, wearing a bright pink t-shirt with Wonder Woman on it while waiting to ride Toy Story Mania. The height of sophistication. I turned around and obviously studied their plain brown khakis and age safe pastel tops with indistinguishable designs safely centered above their bosoms. Their husbands were the male counterpart. Who cares? So then, I wonder, do people say that kind of stuff about me? Because I like color and wear a lot of it. I like to play with clothes. I like kid stuff. Fortunately I work in a profession that encourages And perhaps that’s why this is a pet peeve of mine- I’m waiting for the day I get accused of dressing like a (oh please, NO) 18 year old!