Diary

 When I started this whole weightloss-get-healthy thing, one of the primary motives for me was the prospect of a tummy tuck.  I was such a defeatist during prior attempts that the thought of losing a bunch of weight only to lug around 20 pounds of loose skin, aka a 20 pound scar, for the rest of my life, then why bother losing weight at all?  I’d still look chunky.  I wanted to be healthy, yes, but I wanted to project the image of a healthy, capable body, too, and that meant tone, not a bunch of wobbly skin hanging around my middle.  When I decided to get the surgery and Bradley agreed that surgery would be a good way to spend some of our money, I jumped with both feet into this project!  

I quickly discovered the joy that is compression camisoles on my way down the scale.  Some people call them shapewear or girdles, I prefer to call them compression wear.  I call them that because I don’t use them for looks, I also use them to keep all of my extra flesh in control and benefit in the looks department.  Think of what boobies do when they are left to their own devices during a workout, then think of a boob the size a watermelon and you’ll have an idea of what I deal with during a workout!  If weight loss breasts are grapefruits in the end of socks, then my stomach is a cantaloupe in a hammock!  On a run, it goes everywhere and nothing is left sacred as it flies up, exposing the expanses of stretch marks and my sports bra above my waist, then sagging way down, highlighting its flexibility and length as it flashes pale and white below my waistband.  Sexy.  On top of that, I get nauseous from all of the tugging and bouncing as it jostles my actual stomach, so I have to control it for more than just vanity purposes in tight, corset-like clothing.  For running.  And working out.  In the summer it sucks big time, adding a layer of rubber and polyester to seal my bouncing self inside of my clothing on a nice, warm, humid 85 degree PNW day.  In winter, however, it’s great and helps keep me warm!  🙂 

Flash forward to today…  I very rarely go without a compression tank.  As I said, my stomach skin goes everywhere and hangs out of everything, so a few years ago I simply adopted them as daily wear.  I don’t wear them with pajamas, but that’s pretty much it.  Today, however, I just didn’t want to.  We decided to do a family workout in the spaceship (garage/gym) when I was getting ready to run on the treadmill.  I happened to walk past the mirror and did a double take.  You know how I’ve said a bajillion times that I don’t see myself.  I really have no idea how attractive or unattractive I am, how skinny, fat, muscular, flaccid I am.  Most likely it’s because I want to see progress so bad that I caution myself to be overly careful at what I will allow myself to see, as I have to see myself honestly, and, anymore, that’s pretty mixed-up because I think I look okay but I also think I should lose a little more weight to be capital H-Healthy which makes me see flaws and fatty spots and there I go again…  And most people will tell me I look amazing, which even I’ll admit is true because  just by virtue of having lost 150 pounds I look way healthier, so thank you, don’t try to convince me, it’s just my weird, altered version of reality…  🙂

  
{Please forgive the smug, weird look on my face.  I wasn’t paying any attention to it when I took the picture and ended up with derpy pose pics of the day for you.  And that window does nothing for the lighting!  Sorry!  LOL!}

So anyway, I was walking toward the mirror and was surprised to notice that I couldn’t even really see a belly roll through my shirt.  I could see the top of my pants, where they made an indent and stopped, but not a big, round two-liter burbling over the top.  My shirt just dropped, pretty much, straight down.  Granted, my pants are higher waisted, but I wasn’t wearing any compression gear because I just didn’t want to wear it today.  I looked at the camisole and it had the rare appearance of a torture device to me; I just couldn’t put it on, so I was acutely aware of its absence when I turned past the mirror.  It was nice to see that this thing I’ve invested so much time, worry and potential money in just kind of became a non-problem all on its own.  That doesn’t mean that I’m skipping surgery or anything or shelving the idea, but I’m pleased that, given time, my body seems to be taking care of itself better than I expected.  🙂

 
After I got an eyeful of my non-bumpy belly I started stretching out for my treadmill run, and all of the sudden I realized I could share my routine with the world!  LOL!  Seriously, though, these are the five I routinely run through twice or three times before any run or exercise routine.  If I skip the stretch, I pay the price in tight joints and muscles so tense that they feel like they’re going to snap.  I have one other one I do on the floor that opens up my hips a bit.  I’ll do that one soon to share it, as well.  I am not as good at stretching after a workout but I’m getting better at it.  Post workout stretching helps with soreness tremendously! 

Remember back when I started running?
Yeah.
Remember when you had all this wisdom for me?  You’d be all like ‘yeah it was that way for me when I first started’ and I’d get all annoyed at you?  
Yeah.
And then you’d offer me advice on how to make my run easier?  I’d think that you totally didn’t get it.  That you were in shape already, or close to it when yo started running, and there was no possible way you could understand what it was like for me, at 250 pounds, to be a runner.
Yeah, I remember that.  You didn’t say it, but I felt it.
Well, I get it now.  It was just difficult to listen and believe that you really knew where I started.  Thank you for your patience.

That’s an imaginary conversation that I had with Bradley a few minutes ago. I don’t need to have it in reality, but it was nice to reflect, a little and realize what difference has transpired in the last few years. I know that I am constantly looking at the before and after contrast of my life, but today I went on a run with Gigi that really made me consider what I was like when I first became a runner because that’s kind of where she is at. The compare and contrasting behavior serves to remind me of who I am now (a strong, capable, healthy person) versus who I was then (a weak, insecure, sick person) and helps me to continue to make wise choices that keep me on track.

Guinevere is blowing my mind, lately.  Her New Years Resolution was to run more often.  Her goal was to run once a week, and she asked to sign up for a few races this year in order to keep training at the forefront of her mind.  Kids say stuff like that but the follow through is not always there.  I expected the same kinds of behaviors as previous years: a commitment to run followed by a series of offers to run met with guilt ridden excuses as to why she couldn’t.  Why would this year be different?  But with the age of 12 also seemed to come a new sense of independent responsibility, kindness and aspiration.  She clearly sees herself on the precipice of adulthood, is making plans about the kind of adult she wants to be, and the kind of adult she has decided to be is a healthy one who can get around like a bada$$!  Today she ran six miles.  Six miles!  I never ran more than a mile until I was 38, and even then, it was one, tortured mile in ninth grade.  She’s out tearing it up!  But what I am really loving about watching her begin to train in earnest is seeing, now through experienced eyes, the life of a beginning runner!  Here are some of my observations of her running today that were also true for me when I just began:

• Distance is intimidating and impressive.  Running a distance that you’ve never run before is alluring and terrifying.  You want the bragging rights of mileage but you’re pretty sure you’ll fail, so you don’t get past a certain distance without a push.  Gigi wanted to run a 10k in the worst way today.  She wanted the sense of accomplishment, but also worried that she wouldn’t be able to make it back.  I just assured her that we could walk or call Daddy at anytime to pick us up if we needed.  We made it back just fine.  Of course.
• Running far is hard.  I’ve often said I can run forever if I just run slow enough.  To some degree, after the half marathon, I can say with some level of confidence that it’s a little true.  But after 13 miles I was so worn out that I couldn’t imagine going further.  Gigi has no problem running a mile or two, but she hadn’t pushed herself past 3 miles until today.  Like me, she assumed that her legs would carry her with confidence for all six miles, and she even encouraged me to make the run longer.  Well, we live on a hill and by the fourth mile she was done and irritable but still wanting to make 6.2 miles.  By five miles she asked to go straight home with no more side streets to add mileage.  Whatever we had completed at this point was plenty to her!  She learned that endurance is built step by step and being able to run a specific distance doesn’t necessarily mean you can double that mileage easily.  Training is authentically important. 
• What is a snot rocket?  Mommy blows snot rockets.  Today I cleared each side three or four times.  It’s when you hold one side of your nose down and blow all the contents out over your shoulder into the grass or bushes, preferably when you’re as alone as possible.  Running in the moist PNW air means that the humidity breaks down everything in your sinuses and it all comes rolling out during a time when you generally don’t have tissue boxes nearby.  I’ve used hankies, sleeves, wrist bands and more, but nothing cleans me out like rocket power.  Today I taught Guinevere this disgusting skill.  And modeled it.  Lucky kid.  She didn’t foresee a use for the skill, but I know.  When you run farther than three miles, the rocket can be your best friend.  
• Why don’t we run in the deep grass on rainy days?  The deep grass is often where the muddiest and nastiest water is.  Especially if it borders a puddle.  She learned this lesson almost exactly at 3.0 miles, halfway, today.
• Don’t talk to me anymore.  I’m tired.  During the last 1/4 mile Bradley used to ask me about dinner.  What should we have?  White rice or brown?  What do I think of this or that or anything?  I would get so annoyed as I was pulling up the last of my reserves to make that last bit of mileage.  By then, my lungs were burning, my heart was racing, my legs exhausted and my body was stressed!  Not the time to think.  I find that near the end of an arduous workout that I can’t do math easily.  My conversation comes out in odd fragments with the wrong words.  I’m literally exhausted, worn out and ready for a break.  I can’t think!  Gigi was the same today.  I was chattering on, giving advice, sharing stories, asking questions and , in general, trying to keep her entertained when I saw an expression of absolute irritation on her face.  I suddenly realized that I was doing that same thing to her that Bradley used to do to me!  I immediately shut my pie hole and let her just RUN without my yammering!!!
• Unknown paths can be unnerving.  Near the end of the run she started freaking out about when we were getting home.  The adventure of the run was fun until she was worn out.  When I first started running I would go around and around the same loop, over and over.  I didn’t want adventure, I wanted security and predictability, and my little mile loop was predictable, close to home and therefore super safe.  She started panicking about when the run would end at around four miles, then we turned the corner into our immediate neighborhood and it was alllll good.  She smiled and finished the six miles strong.
• Races and events matter and motivate regular training.  When I really pressed her about why she is dedicated to running, she cited the races that are scheduled and promised.  She’s running the Better Half 10K, the Autism Awareness 5K, the Bubble Run 5K, and as soon as registration opens, were signing up for the Beat the Blerch half marathon.  She doesn’t just want to finish, she wants to compete and compete well.  That’s why she’s running.  I find that I’m extra motivated to stay in condition, too.  Having public opportunities to fail (and I use that term loosely as I see no shame in walking if I need to) really help me to stay focused.
• Running is boring.  Music helps.  Eating gels mid-run is mind-blowingly interesting (seriously, give it a try!).  Having a friend to chat with is the best.

  I saw this today and felt like, yup.  No excuses, Lj.  Run or something.  Oh my…  LOL: 

I’m not sure what it is about the treadmill but I really don’t enjoy it.  I can totally understand why it’s called the dreadmill to some people.  You get on it and watch your miles ever-so-slowly tick away…  And the calorie count is shameful.  I mean, it’s good to know how much energy it takes to burn a calorie, but those little things sure do come in easier than leave.  Sheesh.  Evolution did us no favors in today’s modern age of excessive calories with how we can hang onto those little things.  Anyhow, Bradley was heating a bowl of chili tonight and as he was taking it from the microwave to the counter, a little spilled on his hand and it started to burn him.  It must have been really hot because he dropped the bowl right onto his toe (and into the air vent) and, unbeknownst to him, split the front of his big toe wide open.  He was standing there at the sink, cleaning dishes, noticed a pool of blood on the floor and suddenly realized what had happened.  I had skip my planned run to stay home, of course, so as the title suggests, tonight I did another one of my indoor 5Ks.  Not on the dreaded treadmill, either, this was another one of my kitchen mile 5Ks.  In summer I run around in the pool, in winter, it would seem, I run around the kitchen island.  Today I was extra excited because I figured out how to do time lapse on my camera!

  
Tonight my run was sponsored by Pitbull.  I don’t even know what’s up with me, but suddenly I find myself a little obsessed with the man.  It would seem that NKOTB is learning me down a new-to-me musical path…  It all started with The Baddest Girl in Town that we danced to with Emily in Zumba.  Then I just started looking for more stuff by him and he’s everywhere.  Which, for me, right now, is pretty nice.  😉  I love the Latin influence, I love his rough voice, I love his that his rap sounds like my childhood,  I love the Spanish, I love his short, little tightly-packed torso and I especially love the swagger.  Boy’s got swagger like Donnie Wahlberg, and I don’t even know why that attracts me, but Pitbull (and a variety of special guests) sang me round and round in circles tonight and I had the best time a girl can have after cleaning up a bowl of chili down the heating vent and a bloody toe!  🙂  

Today I got out and ran for a little while.  I went around my loop once, then decided to keep on going and did another mini loop to total 3.2.  There were a lot of people out today.  The sun was shining; it was gorgeous and I wanted to just go and go forever.  I didn’t, though, and I’m glad of it.  Truth be told, I am a bit sore In the hips and thighs after not running so much.  When I got on the scale, though, I was down another pound!!!  195!  It feels so good to be peeling off the numbers again!  If I keep this up, I may meet my goal of weighing 170 sooner than I think!  Wouldn’t that be sweet?  I do love January.  For some reason I can bring it when the calendar turns.

I’ve been reading over at Sacred Coffee lately about the virtual races she keeps doing.  I like the idea of signing up, paying the money and getting a medal in the mail for when you actually run the race.  She doesn’t look at her medals until she finishes the event and part of the reward is unwrapping it to see it.  I think it sounds like kids of a fun way to give myself an incentive to run my longer runs.  Seriously, I can’t even stand to consider running 10 miles some weekend, just for practice.  A finisher’s medal makes it seem more necessary and motivated somehow.  It’s funny because when I first started running I thought the medals were ridiculous, but now?  I like them better than the tshirts (which I rarely, if ever, wear).  As my clanking collection of bling grows so does my pride in it.  Silly, but fun.

Who doesn’t love a Friday?  And I mean the real definition of a Friday, the last day of work before you get to take a few days off…  I do.  I especially love the first Friday after returning back to school after a two week vacation.  Monday was rough, Tuesday exhausting, Wednesday was whiny, Thursday had actual children falling asleep and crying from exhaustion in the classroom but today was pretty normal.  Maybe they went to bed on time last night?  Crashed out early?  I don’t know.  It was a pretty epic week, though.

  {I’m not sure what dri-fit is, but I sent this to Bradley- true for this girl!  I can’t seem to get enough entries for races right now!}

Why was it epic?  Well, I went from 198 on 12/26 (or thereabouts) to 202 on 1/1.  I really wasn’t terribly happy about that, so last week I hit the gym and steps pretty hard to get a jump on the calorie burn.  It also happened to be shark week* this week so a little bloat was in order to add to the holiday pudge.  Today I hopped on the scale to the tune of 197!  So, since 1/1. I’ve lost five pounds!  Not a bad start for 2016!

I’m feeling all proud and stuff today because I actually ran.  Until last Sunday, I was solid in the exercise department, then Monday happened, then Tuesday, and, well, four days later, here we are.  I really didn’t have a reasonable reason not to run today and the sun was shining.  On my way home it just felt like a run day so I decided it was a run day, and no matter what, when I got home, I was running!  I got home, donned my running clothes and hit the street while the sun was still out.  It was rapidly sinking, but even so, I couldn’t stop running.  I planned on one mile, en the next block, then I decided to just go for it and ran one of our bigger loops of 2.3 miles.  I know it’s not the furthest distance ever, but it’s been a week, the air was murky and I just wanted to stretch my legs.  It felt really good, even if my lungs did burn.  🙂

  {My Garmin lets me know when I’ve met my step goal for the day by vibrating, flashing fireworks and flashing my celebratory GOAL!  You’d be surprised at how motivating it is when I feel it buzz and see that word!  Today it happened on my run.  🙂}

Lastly, it was epic because I had my teacher evaluation this week.  We have one a year, and I was just fine having it the week we came back, until the week happened.  Oh- my students were great!  I was the weirdo.  On Saturday I prepped myself, on Wednesday I wrote about my lesson and then I just fussed with it.  Tweaked this, that, rethought this, that.  I was in a constant state of revision which meant I was in a constant state of stress.  It was annoying.  I’m a good teacher and my principal is a fair evaluator.  Why do I get all worked up?  I’m sure you can imagine my relief when it was over at 11:20 today and I could go back to being plain, old, boring Mrs. L who is not worried about anything glaring.

Now I’m gonna go hang with my true loves.  Two whole days with my people- I can’t wait!  

*shark week, in my house, is code for Aunt Flo, period.  It’s just not safe for me to go in shark infested waters,  and you never know if I might be the shark with my mood.  Watch out!

Snow started falling unexpectedly today. They were big, fat flakes and they suddenly filled the sky; it was poetic, on the last day of Winter Break. We decided to embrace the moment and play in the snow while it fell since it seemed to melt as soon as it hit the ground. A hike at St. Edward Park seemed in order, so we got dressed in running gear for a cold, cold day. As soon as we stepped outside, Gigi and I took off down the trail in an attempt to keep warm. The boys huffed behind us, and we joined up again once we got to the lake. The snow fell the entire time we hiked and it was just gorgeous. Magical. Going out into the cold today was not my number one plan, compared to sipping tea, fireside, with a book, why would you pick the frigid, wet cold? But it was totally worth it, if only for that satisfying sizzle on my cold skin as I got into the hot tub! That hike through the cold and snow was freezing-cold-fingertips-red-nose-snow-in-the-eye living, today. Without it I wouldn’t have learned how very excited Gigi is about all the official races we have planned. I wouldn’t have realized how dedicated she is to being a runner and marathoner in the near future. Thank you to the fat, magical snowflakes, thank you to green, muddy St. Ed’s for a fantastic trail, and thank you hot tub for warming my icy buns after!

The Run the Year things has been mind blowing so far. I know I’m only three days into it, so motivation is high, but I am super dedicated so far. Like, in an unexpected way. The last three nights I’ve gotten a little obsessed with seeing how fast I can run certain distances around my kitchen island. Last night I managed to run a 5k, in my house, in my kitchen starting at 8:40 and finishing up 40 minutes later. It reminded me a lot of how I run the pool laps in the summer to catch some cooler cardio during the hot days. Except this I can do in my house, while my family is reading, playing games or watching tv. I’m in the thick of their activity and conversation.  

 Truthfully though, I have to be honest and admit that I have a really hard time sitting still for long. Especially for kid movies or other television content that I’m not into. Anyone who spends time at staff meetings with me knows that I’m rarely sitting down, anyhow. I stand, march in place, wobble and pace. If I don’t keep my body busy I start getting really goofy and shouting out jokes, interrupting and it just lengthens any meeting. But at home I get fidgety and then I start riling everyone up by tickling, zerberting and otherwise distracting and antagonizing the children in that rough housing kind of way that one parent in the pair is usually especially good at. I still do the wrestling thing, but I’ve also added night-kitchen running to my mix and I love it. There’s a kind of meditative trance that sort of happens. I can almost close my eyes as I circle around and around with every 15 step circle, and since I don’t have to pay attention to traffic or anything I just meditate, drift and daydream by the light of the Christmas tree (that I just negotiated an extra week in the house for this exact purpose). It’s the most relaxing way to get my steps and bonus cardio. The result is that I’ve been hitting around 14,000 steps per day! I’m so proud! I hope I can sustain my drive and interest in doing this. Just belonging to the Facebook community for Run the Year has been influential. There is a constant stream of people posting a selfie and description of the run or walk they just completed to the public page. Talk about motivating! The constant positivity just drives the enthusiasm! I’m so glad I joined this challenge and community! If you’re interested, it’s not too late to start (you can find the link in the next post). You can sign up all the way into 2016’s fall. 🙂

I’m overdue in sharing my resolutions for 2016, due to slothful New Year’s Day recovery in the couch, in the bed, on the floor and, actually, on the treadmill and running circles around my kitchen island, but we’ll get to that later.  What is certain is that I didn’t prioritize writing, and today I’m determined to do so.

1. I will take 10,000 steps per day, every day, on average throughout the year until I reach or exceed my goal of 2016 miles ambulated in 2016.  Indeed, I signed up for Run the Year as a means to support this end.  As I looked back over 2015, while I did a better job of taking more steps, I’m not nearly as consistent as I’d like to think I am at meeting this goal.  This year will be different. 
2. I would like to be in solid enough condition to run at least two half marathons this year.  Maybe three.  I am hoping to run the Snohomish Women’s half marathon on Mother’s Day this year.  Unlike my previous half marathon, I would like to have several consistent, long runs under my belt that exceed eight miles.  When I ran the River Run in October, the furthest distance I had ever run was eight miles.  Once.  Before that it was six miles.  I wasn’t ready at all for that race and I’m impressed that I did as well as I did.  To support my goal of a half marathon, I have signed up for a 10K (6 mile) run on Valentine’s Day called ‘My Better Half-Marathon, and three weeks later on March 6th, I’m running a 15K (9 mile) called the Hot Chocolate Run.  With consistency after that, I have over a month to run myself into readiness for the next half marathon.  Then I want to do the Beat the Blerch half marathon in September with Gigi.
3. I would like to weigh 170.  I’ll be honest.  This used to be a vanity number and, while I kept it in front of me as a goal, it wasn’t a real goal.  More like an ‘if I really want to push myself’ goal.  But I read an article recently that proposed that even if you’re chubby and work out, you’re not lengthening your life more than you would if you just stayed chubby.  According to this article, which was a decades long study of over a million people, it really is a numbers game.  The closer you are to your ideal weight while exercising nets the best results of a longer, healthier life.  According to the doctor’s chart, I exit ‘overweight’ and become ‘normal’ at 170.  I’d like to give that a try.
4. I want to integrate weights into my workout routines more often.  During break, I’ve given myself about 15 minutes three times a week to pull some weights and it seems totally doable.  🙂
5. A friend of mine passed away on Christmas Eve.  It was a savage and swift cancer attack that left everyone gasping at how quickly it moved and left two daughters and a wife alone in its wake.  Throughout the clinics, the chemo, the rallies and falters the family echoed the refrain that: No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for that life.  Someone, somewhere else, is fighting to survive.  I think about it all the time.  One of my resolutions is to remember that no matter what, this world is a beautiful place to walk through and this life is a gift.  Each day needs to be lived with the honor and respect that it deserves, and if someone else can’t, then I need to do that for them.  I’m living my best life this year, in honor of this friend and the family he left behind.

  
This next part is me being a little more bossy pants than I usually feel comfortable with, but it’s something I see and hear a lot about.  I hear a lot of people feeling like they’re stagnating.  Or even more challenging, I see people stagnate who don’t realize they have stagnated in their fitness routine and they complain to me about not making progress.  Stagnating looks like:

• Still walking the exact same mileage in the exact same amount of time several weeks, months or a year later.  If you started out walking a 16 minute mile last January, your mile should probably be a little faster now.  Or you should be walking a little further.  
• If that same distance or effort doesn’t make you get out of breath or sweaty, you need to go faster or farther.  If you’re not sweating and breathing hard, it’s not cardio.
• Taking breaks out of fear more than necessity.  If you’re running along and know you always stop at a mile because you get tired and you’re looking forward to the break, ask yourself if you really need to stop.  If you’ve been running that mile or two or three for a few weeks or more, most likely your body is ready for you to push a little further.  Try adding another minute, or half mile, or to the next stop sign, or whatever deal you have to broker with yourself to make yourself go a little faster or a little further.  Take baby steps, but push yourself just enough to get that great burn and confidence boost.
• You give up the second you get out of breath or sweaty.  Cardio is sustained out of breath, heavy breathing, getting sweaty for a long time.  I like to sweat for at least 40 minutes.  More if it’s something fun like Zumba or another novel activity.  I sweat through my clothes, especially under my boobs, on my back, and I wear black pants because butt sweat is my own personal reality.  I used to feel so humiliated if I got sweaty or red or out of breath, but, HELLO!  That’s what it looks like when you work out!  You sweat, breathe heavy and pull lots of air for a long time!  It’s a good thing!  Embrace it!

We are all guilty of it, and there’s nothing wrong with taking a workout easy from time to time, but if you’re truly honest then you’ll remember that results and change come from honest to goodness hard work and energy output.  Fitness isn’t medicated, it can’t be faked and while being thinner certainly has been nice for me, being fit has changed my life.  It’s always worth pushing a little bit harder in this area, within reason, in my opinion.  So if you’re stopped, if you’ve stagnated, be honest with yourself when you ask yourself why you’re stagnating. I was surprised that my why was a fear of failure and assumption that I just couldn’t do it.  It was better to stop myself than suffer the humiliation of being forced to stop, apparently.  I would freak out at three miles, inducing an asthma attack without failure, time and again.  I thought it was a signal from my body, but one time I accidentally ran right past three miles without noticing and it seemed to change everything.  Give it a try. 😊

I’m overdue in sharing my resolutions for 2016, due to slothful New Year’s Day recovery in the couch, in the bed, on the floor and, actually, on the treadmill and running circles around my kitchen island, but we’ll get to that later. What is certain is that I didn’t prioritize writing, and today I’m determined to do so.

1. I will take 10,000 steps per day, every day, on average throughout the year until I reach or exceed my goal of 2016 miles ambulated in 2016. Indeed, I signed up for Run the Year as a means to support this end. As I looked back over 2015, while I did a better job of taking more steps, I’m not nearly as consistent as I’d like to think I am at meeting this goal. This year will be different. 
2. I will make every reasonable effort to be in solid enough condition to run at least two half marathons this year. Maybe three. I am hoping to run the Snohomish Women’s half marathon on Mother’s Day this year. Unlike my previous half marathon, I would like to have several consistent, long runs under my belt that exceed eight miles. When I ran the River Run in October, the furthest distance I had ever run was eight miles. Once. Before that it was six miles. I wasn’t ready at all for that race and I’m impressed that I did as well as I did. To support my goal of a half marathon, I have signed up for a 10K (6 mile) run on Valentine’s Day called ‘My Better Half-Marathon‘, and three weeks later on March 6th, I’m running a 15K (9 mile) called the Hot Chocolate Run. With consistency after that, I have over a month to run myself into readiness for the next half marathon. Then I want to do the Beat the Blerch half marathon in September with Gigi.
3. I would like to weigh 170. I’ll be honest. This used to be a vanity number and, while I kept it in front of me as a goal, it wasn’t a real goal. More like an ‘if I really want to push myself’ goal. But I read an article recently that proposed that even if you’re chubby and work out, you’re not lengthening your life more than you would if you just stayed chubby. According to this article, which was a decades long study of over a million people, it really is a numbers game. The closer you are to your ideal weight while exercising nets the best results of a longer, healthier life. According to the doctor’s chart, I exit ‘overweight’ and become ‘normal’ at 170. I’d like to give that a try.
4. I will integrate weights into my workout routines more often. During break, I’ve given myself about 15 minutes three times a week to pull some weights and it seems totally doable. 🙂
5. A friend of mine passed away on Christmas Eve. It was a savage and swift cancer attack that left everyone gasping at how quickly it moved and left two daughters and a wife alone in its wake. Throughout the clinics, the chemo, the rallies and falters the family echoed the refrain that: No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for that life. Someone, somewhere else, is fighting to survive. I think about it all the time. One of my resolutions is to remember that no matter what, this world is a beautiful place to walk through and this life is a gift. Each day needs to be lived with the honor and respect that it deserves, and if someone else can’t, then I need to do that for them. I’m living my best life this year, in honor of this friend and the family he left behind.

 This next part is me being a little more bossy pants than I usually feel comfortable with, but it’s something I see and hear a lot about. I hear a lot of people feeling like they’re stagnating. Or even more challenging, I see people stagnate who don’t realize they have stagnated in their fitness routine and they complain to me about not making progress. Stagnating looks like:

• Still walking the exact same mileage in the exact same amount of time several weeks, months or a year later. If you started out walking a 16 minute mile last January, your mile should probably be a little faster now. Or you should be walking a little further.  
• If that same distance or effort doesn’t make you get out of breath or sweaty, you need to go faster or farther. If you’re not sweating and breathing hard, it’s not cardio.
• Taking breaks out of fear more than necessity. If you’re running along and know you always stop at a mile because you get tired and you’re looking forward to the break, ask yourself if you really need to stop. If you’ve been running that mile or two or three for a few weeks or more, most likely your body is ready for you to push a little further. Try adding another minute, or half mile, or to the next stop sign, or whatever deal you have to broker with yourself to make yourself go a little faster or a little further. Take baby steps, but push yourself just enough to get that great burn and confidence boost.
• You give up the second you get out of breath or sweaty. Cardio is sustained out of breath, heavy breathing, getting sweaty for a long time. I like to sweat for at least 40 minutes. More if it’s something fun like Zumba or another novel activity.  Sweat drips from my face, off the end of my nose and drips off my elbows.  I sweat through my clothes, especially under my boobs, on my back, and I wear black pants because butt sweat is my own personal reality. I used to feel so humiliated if I got sweaty or red-faced or out of breath, but, HELLO! That’s what it looks like when you work out! You sweat, breathe heavy and pull lots of air for a long time! It’s a good thing! Embrace it!

We are all guilty of it, and there’s nothing wrong with taking a workout easy from time to time, but if you’re truly honest then you’ll remember that results and change come from honest to goodness hard work and energy output. Fitness isn’t medicated, it can’t be faked and while being thinner certainly has been nice for me, being fit has changed my life. It’s always worth pushing a little bit harder in this area, within reason, in my opinion. So if you’re stopped, if you’ve stagnated, be honest with yourself when you ask yourself why you’re stagnating. I was surprised that my why was a fear of failure and assumption that I just couldn’t do it. It was better to stop myself than suffer the humiliation of being forced to stop, apparently. I would freak out at three miles, inducing an asthma attack without failure, time and again. I thought it was a signal from my body, but one time I accidentally ran right past three miles without noticing and it seemed to change everything. Give it a try. 😊