Yep. That fat little Blerch cherub talked me into so many things over break. Another batch of fudge? Sure. More fudge is more festive! More haystacks? Yes, please! I need more chocolate covered peanuts and chow mein noodles! (Seriously- what is with those things?!?!). I could go on, but you get the idea. Last year I pledged to not gain twenty pounds, and this year I pledged to simply enjoy the holidays. Holy cow. I enjoyed it aplenty. I’d like the blame my Blerch, but I knew what I was doing. Over and over I kept reciting to myself that weight loss is 20% in the gym and 80% in the kitchen, but it’s Christmas! Isn’t a little weightgain normal? Well. I got down to 199-202 around Thanksgiving and ballooned up to a hefty 213 over the month of December. If I’m truly honest, I weighed 205 on 12/24 and managed an eight pound gain in three days. I’m hoping it is water, but I also know myself. It’s probably bonafide fat that I’ll need to spend some weeks working off. Frickin’ Blerch. (And me! What was I thinking?!?!?)
I know what I was thinking, and because of the deep love I have for this holiday, I’m more than willing to pay the price of a few pounds that I’ll need to shake off. This was a beautiful Christmas for my family. My daughter and I are close, but she’s a teenager and every teenager drifts as they figure out how to navigate life. She has drifted farther away from us than ever. I don’t mean emotionally, necessarily, but she’s adopted a more cynical lens that she views the world through of late and I miss her bright eyed optimism and enthusiasm for all things Lj, lately. Breaks have often been the times when we rekindle our faith in one another as a family unit, and I was afraid that was going away this year, too. But it didn’t. I’m not going to say that everything was like they were ten and six again, but we were a unit once again this year. My kids pitched in around the house, played together, hung out with us, made cookies, made candy, watched holiday shows, listened to music, took walks, ate lots and did all the stuff with us this year. It felt really special. The dusting sand frostings of snow we got only added to the specialness.
Jude and I got to see the Star Wars Christmas Special together because Bradley was sick and I loved sharing something that would usually be a daddy outing. It feels especially poingant, now, with Carrie Fisher gone, having marveled at hearing her singing voice for the first time just a few weeks ago. What a hero of a woman. She was legitimately tough, soft, cool, kind and sexy all at once and I thought she was just the bees knees when I was little.
Well, clearly I have some work cut out for me if I want to get to 170 this year. My number has increased from 20 pounds to lose up to 43 pounds to lose. For goodness sakes. I always believe that when it comes on fast it gets lost fast, too, so I’ll go ahead and believe that for now and start doing the 80% in the kitchen sooner than later. New Years is coming and it’s time to make some resolutions!