Today when I went out running I had to bring an extra phone to capture the moment on a camera since my iPhone camera is currently having issues and won’t work. I felt a little ridiculous at how important is felt to document this run! I’m embarrassed by the selfie movement and how it turns the focus onto the self, so much, when we really need to be turning our focus on building community, compassion, relationships and empathy. In my humble opinion, that is.
Midrun I started really considering this: when I was first considering getting healthy through a nutrition and activity shift, the whole thing was overwhelmingly complex. Only people with superpowers could do that shit, and that was not me!* I decided if I were going to take this on that I would have to forgo shame, embarrassment and modesty. Success was going to have to be public. Transparent. Visual. So was failure. I was going to have to prove to everyone that I could do this ‘get healthy’ thing while I also convinced myself that I could do it, because I honestly felt that I couldn’t. I was destined to be bigger for life. It was in my genetics and , frankly, on my body. I needed to be able to look back at my story to remind myself that it wasn’t a dream.
Furthermore, we take pictures to capture moments in life. Moments of happiness. Moments of fun, friendship and pride. We take pictures of the moments we would like to have last beyond that moment. During a run, I feel invincible. I’m doing this thing that requires grit, dedication, endurance and hard work. I feel like a superhero! The same can be said after I finish most runs! I’m glowing with self respect and unabashed admiration of myself. I feel strong and beautiful. I feel healthy. I look like a hot mess, but I’ve come to realize what strength and beauty look like on me, and right after a run is when I feel and see that most. Of course I want to capture that! I don’t feel like that most of the time!
Today was a success. We ran just a little shorty, but it was enough to feel out my knees and know I’m going to be alright. My knees don’t hurt, my hips feel normal and any real pain or swelling I was feeling seems to have gone away. I may have caught a problem, stretched and healed it before it became a real issue. Phew. Deeper explorations didn’t turn anything up so I’m just going to train, listen to my body,move forward, be cautious with my training and return to my Dr. if anything else comes up. She did mention that I’m 43, after all. Who cares? I’m itching to be in good condition again.
*I’m the kind of girl who loves a well placed swear word and this is the first time I’ve used one here because that is how difficult the concept of exercise and diet were to me. Insurmountable.