I like feeling skinny today. I feel like I’m not supposed to say that for a few reasons. One, because skinny is seen as a judgement that is equated with good or better. I’m not meaning that sense of the word. I also feel like I’m not supposed to say I like feeling skinny because of my fat sisters and brothers out there who are maybe having hurt feelings and it might feel like I’m saying skinny is better. I’m not saying that. Of course, as always, my body is my own, your body is your own, your version of happy is not going to mirror mine… I’m also not technically skinny. I’m not obese, but I’m still technically, medically overweight until I weigh about 170. But I think I’m skinny. I feel skinny. I’m skinnier than I ever imagined I would be. I like it.
Wanna know why I like it?
Today I liked feeling skinny because I put on my skinniest jeans and they fit. These are the goal jeans I bought way back when that looked skinnier than skinny and thought there was no way I’d ever fit them… Today I fit them. SKIN-nay! SKIN-nee! SKIN-noo! SKINNY!
Today I liked Feeling skinny because I went for a run in my tight runner capris and a tshirt and afterwards I hung out in my front yard doing yardwork and didn’t feel self conscious even a little bit.
Today I liked feeling skinny because I went to play tennis with my family and I was freezing cold! I ran in place the whole time and chased as many balls as I could to keep warm. I was literally light on my feet! Shifting from foot to foot to chase the ball doesn’t torque my knees anymore because of all the weight I carried and I can move faster than I ever thought possible! Without hurting myself!
I liked feeling skinny today because I looked down while I was shopping at Target and instead of seeing all of my fat rolls sticking out I could easily see my shoes.
I liked feeling skinny today because I could climb up onto my husband’s back and he carried me around. It’s an amazing experience, being carried again. That hasn’t happened since before I was ten years old.
Today I liked feeling skinny because I bought new compression wear. In a size medium. That’s a size I’ve not worn since graduation from high school. Granted, it’s compression wear, but still. Medium.
I like continuing to get stronger and skinnier because every time I lose more fat and shift to another size I also gain a new sense of abilities. It’s like leveling up in a video game- lose five pounds, gain better balance. Lose ten pounds, make every mile easier and faster. Lose twenty pounds and… awwww, shucks… need a new wardrobe!
Speaking of, I like being skinny now because I can shop anywhere. I can wear a size large in most stores and I fit the pants, skirts and dresses most anywhere. For years I’ve been stuck at Lane Bryant and Old Navy. My clothing world has opened up wide… 🙂
Mostly, though, I think that I really like my new life. By new life I don’t just mean the skinny life, I mean the whole thing. I lived for almost my entire adult life as a big, bigger, and really big girl. There were compromises, for sure, but I was pretty happy. I was loved and life was good then. It’s better now, but I could have gone through the rest of my life, literally, fat and happy.
What is fun is that about halfway through my life I totally remodeled it. I knew the heavy version of life and completely turned it on it’s ear and have an entirely new skillset and ability now. It’s like the witness protection program, I’m perceived as an entirely different person now by others and by myself. I’m accepted as an entirely different person now, too. I fit in or am accepted in circles now that I was never a part of before. Sometimes that is confusing. I have a different identity, determination, confidence – I’m so different as a skinny girl and it’s fun to be different.
Remember in high school how you always wished you could try something new, start fresh, do something over, have a different group of friends, play a different sport, belong to a different clique/club/group…? I’m doing that now. It’s surreal and I’m loving it.