Author: Tamara

    
Today we decided to put our money where our mouths are and hit the road in an attempt to shake off the blues.  The bad weather hit, and with it came a bit of seasonal affective disorder.  It doesn’t totally dominate my/our lives, but it definitely makes itself known and I constantly have to remind myself that it’s just a trick of my mind, that my blues are just a construct and not my reality.  I forged through Thursday just keeping a stiff upper lip and all, you know, but yesterday was tough.  After the news of Paris and all the rest of the trauma that our world is experiencing came through yesterday evening, I realized that we were all hit with a bit of the sads yesterday.  It was just a sad day for most of humanity.  Last night when I was laying in bed, I made a plan, of sorts, to use what I know to be more mentally successful, thus, happier today.

• I made sure we ate this morning and all day.  I haven’t been doing a good enough job of feeding myself, lately.  When I get on a weightloss jag I can get pretty restrictive on calories and then I get moody.  Today when I woke up I had coffee, my granola bar and a cheese stick.  All day long I made sure my ‘diet’ mode was switched to ‘off’ and I pretty much ate whatever I wanted.  While I try to never make a habit of eating my feelings, sometimes it just has to be done.  I eat my feelings just a couple of times a year, but when I do it is very intentional anymore and I make a plan to do it- it doesn’t just happen in a binge.  And I don’t go crazy, I just pretend like I’m going to eat a pile of whatever and then drink a buuuuunch of water with a moderate sized serving of whatever it is that I’m porking out on.  It’s a trick but it works.  Mind games.  
• We ran.  Neither of us wanted to, but I made it happen.  I pried us from our bed, forced us into running clothes and down the street.   We could have run longer, but my partner isn’t sure if this is the blues, a lingering hangover from the whiskey flight on Wednesday or a stomach bug that is making him feel cruddy.  Regardless, we did about three miles and I was happy with that.  
• Retail therapy seriously works so we headed to Target to do some pre-Christmas shopping.  There has been a deal at Target on video games for a while, but today there was the game released that we had been waiting for, and it happens to be the last day of the sale.  I also cruised the clearance racks for surprises for kiddos…  It was a healthy way to shake the mood, for sure.  Fun, too.  
• I took care of business and solidified some big plans.  I really wanted to do a make-it/take-it centers day in December with my students where kids can make holiday gifts for people if they need them.  I just remember, as a kid, really wanting to share in the season of giving but being really dissatisfied that I had to use toilet paper rolls and toilet paper to make my crafts.  They just didn’t look pro to me!  So today I figured out all of my crafts and bought most of the materials at the dollar store and Michael’s to get ready!  I’m so excited, and this definitely made me feel like the blues were shaking off!
• Snuggles were pretty important.  We coiled around one another and the kids all evening.  The power went out, but we didn’t care.  It turned into a read-in/write-in and all we want is one another anyhow.  Our entire focus during this weekend is to reconnect and start out the holiday season feeling like a solid unit.  
• Lastly, the power of positive thinking…  I decided to make a before, during and present tryptich of my backside.  The first is of me when I was about 32 years old(ten years ago), the second was about three years ago (right after I began this project in earnest- like, just before this website came to be), and the last one was from today.  Lots has changed and it’s such a pleasure to be able to observe what I’ve done!  Blues shaken!  

  

First off, I’m solid.  Appointment yesterday meant a missed workout day, but Bradley and I got up early and ran a little over three miles before 9:00 this morning.  It felt kind of weird and unsettling to get that out of the way so early in the day.  I almost missed ‘dreading’ my run…  Which really just made me realize how much I love running.  When I’m not in a consistent running cycle I really feel it in my attitude and willingness to run.  When I’m running almost daily, I look forward to the endorphin rush.  And there’s some serious head clearing that happens as well, a rendering.  Thoughts rise to the surface and it’s like a unique clarity happens.  Some of my best blog writing happens when I’m out on the streets, and by the time I return home I’ve got it rehearsed and ready to write!  

  
{Took my mom to tea at the Queen Mary Tea Room to celebrate her birthday, while my dad and Bradley ended up at the new McMenaminns celebrating our marine’s Veteran’s Day with a whiskey flight! }

  
{Much love and respect to those who serve, but I have a special place for my own marine, my dad. ❤️}
 Every once in a while I like to do one of those things you see floating around on Facebook where you tell all about yourself in some little cutest way.  I saw one today and went for it.  I like them here because it’s a simple way to catch up on a little about who I am.  

Twenty-six things about me…

A- Accomplishments: I lost about 150 pounds, give or take depending on the moment, I have two marvelous kids, I ran a half marathon without walking or stopping, I finished and paid for my college education almost entirely on my own.  Married a stone-cold fox. 😈

B- Biggest fear: if we’re talking phobias, it’s heights, snakes and caterpillars.  If it’s the stuff that keeps me up at night, it’s dying prematurely from a preventable illness.

C- Colors you love: I love soft, sage greens and turquoise blues.  I guess my bests are sea glass colors.  I will also add pink, purple and glitter as backups for when I’m feeling sassy, and I’m alarmed by how much orange and brown I wear.

D- Drink you last had: Water

E- Every day starts with: coffee and snuggles in bed with my true love, followed by snuggles with my little loves.  Because I leave the house first on workdays, they follow me out to the porch and wave me off every day, then I get a text of a photo of them as they leave as well.  I love our morning rituals.  They keep me connected with my family all day.

F- Favorite song: Currently it’s Runnin‘ by Naughty Boy

G- Ghosts, are they real?: Yes.  I don’t ever want to meet one or see one or be touched by one or anything.  You won’t find this girl on a ghost walk, at a seance or with a Ouija board.  I have watched enough scary movies and seen plenty of convincing ghost investigator shows to know better than to mess with that!

H- Hometown: Marysville, Wa, but I really just consider the Pacific Northwest to be the best place in the world and loooove being a Seattlite!

I- In love?: To a ridiculous degree.  I met him 19 years ago and have avoided leaving his side whenever possible from the moment I confessed I had a crush on him and he returned the sentiment.  I still have a crush on him.  ❤️

J- Jealous of: people who manage to be super zen all the time.  They don’t worry, smile at the children, don’t get angry in traffic, drink their tea and smile serenely all the time…  I want to be that.

K- Killed someone?: My inner fat girl.  Well, I didn’t so much kill her as much as I put her on serious notice that if she doesn’t sit down and shush that she’s going to kill me, and then she really will be dead with the rest of us.

L- Last time you cried?:  I was reading Thank You Mr. Falker to my students.  Patricia Polacco, the author, just has a way of explaining things beautifully and poetically.  In the story, the grandmother explains that the stars in the sky are the light of heaven peeking through the holes, and that if you don’t hang onto the grass tight enough you will tumble into the sky, to the other side, to heaven.  In the story, the next thing that happens is that the grandmother must have let go of the grass, because she went to heaven, on the other side, and the little girl was left alone.  It always gets me and this year was no different.  It’s a curious thing, to cry in front of 25 second graders, but I never mind it.

M- Musician who you love: it’s no secret that I love the New Kids on the Block.  And Death Cab for Cutie.  And Ben Folds.  And naughty hip-hop music.  I have a problem mixing pop and hip-hop with indie rock- I love them all soooooo much!

N- Number of siblings: 2 brothers- I’m the baby and the only girl.  

O- One wish: Peace.  Is there ever anything else to wish for?

P- Person you last called:  I can’t even remember.  I hate using the phone for phone calls.  I kind of have a phobia and prefer texting above all else.  Most likely it was my mom or dad since I try to call them at least once a week.

Q- Question you’re always asked: “Can I stay in for recess?”  “No, baby.  No, you can’t.  Mrs. Littlejohn needs a moment.  Go play and get some fresh air.  Really.  Go.”
Also, “Can I go to the bathroom?”
And, “Can I get a drink?”
I hate being in charge of the basic human rights of these people. I understand it, but wouldn’t that stink to be thirsty and feel like you can’t get a drink?

R- Reason to smile: My life is wonderful, I married the best person for me, I have healthy, smart and gorgeous children, the world is amazing, my parents are alive, I’m not colorblind, I can hear, sunsets, hiking, mountains…  Do I need to go on?  Being alive is my reason to smile.  Having the privilege of living this life makes me smile.

S- Song last sang: Lily of the Valley has been sung and sung in my house lately.  
White, silver bells,
Upon a slender stalk.
Lily of the Valley on my garden walk.
Oh don’t you wish,
That you could hear them ring?
That will only happen when the Fairies sing!

T- Time you woke up: 7:50.  Thanks to our Veterans I had a day of rememberance.  

U- Underwear preference: I wear really boring underwear.  Cotton.  Boy shorts.  Whoop.  

V- Vacation destination: I would like to ‘summer’ somewhere that is warm and on the beach for a long time.  Like, my ultimate vacation is the Twilight honeymoon scenario: private house on a private island with a private beach in the Caribbean, Medeteranian or the like and I want to go long enough to get bored there.  I want it unrushed and unworried; I want life to unfold in an organic way; I want that peace.

W- Worst habit: Interrupting.  We talk over he top of one another in our house and sometimes it’s hard to be patient for a turn when we engage with the general public.  I also think I worry overly much about being good and doing the right thing.

X- X-Rays you’ve had: teeth, ankles, hips…  I’ve never broken anything.

Y- Your favorite food: The kind I don’t have to cook or clean up.  Also: cheese.  I love cheese passionately.  I like it all, but if I gravitate one place it’s to the hard cheeses.  I love parmesean, Asiago, manchego- you name it.  Yum.  But really, anything -except a few of the super stinkies and rank moldies- I love it.  Yes.  Including Limberger, if you were wondering.  That one’s a good stinky one though.  Some others just taste as bad as they smell.  

Z- Zodiac sign: Scorpio, I don’t know if I’m a classic Scorpio or not, but I like being one.  🙂 

Bonus: Current Weight:

  
195!!!  Only 25 pounds away from 170!  I once had a friend ask me why I post a picture every time I lose a pound.  She wondered why just a pound was a big deal- why not wait for a milestone?  The thing is, every single pound is a milestone for me.  I went years feeling like I couldn’t lose a pound.  All my weight would do is rise or plateau, and losing anything was nearly impossible.  The first pounds I lost were a victory, and every single one after that continues to be so.  My pictures are a celebration.  Each pound lost has been a huuuuge deal to me- all 145 of them.  🙂

  
I did it today.  I made sure to get my run in today, even though it was dark.  Even though I was a little cold.  Even though my parents were about to arrive from Idaho- I got my running gear on and hit the streets!  I didn’t run for very long, but I felt like squishing in a fast run was way better than skipping the run altogether.  I promised Bradley that I would stay safe and avoid certain roads that are scarier than others, especially in the twilight.  I decided to get a little creative and started running up all the cul-de-sacs in the neighborhood.  Getting off the main roads seemed smart and I wanted to get more mileage during my shorter run.  Not only did I manage to make my 1.8 mile loop into a 2.6 mile loop and I saw a whole bunch of new houses and streets in my neighborhood that I hadn’t ever known existed!  It made my boring, old neighborhood run into a way more interesting one. 

Anyhow, just feeling good that I did it tonight.  Wanted to brag it all up with a solid crow post.  Way better than that 200 pound weigh-in afterwards that happened.  What the heck was up with that??  Wasn’t I 196 last night??  Anyhow, I’m assuming it’s water weight and it will come off sometime isn the very near future.  😉 

On Friday I put Fifth Harmony’s song ‘Worth It’ on, on accident, for just a moment, while my second graders were playing four corners and they about hit the ceiling.  “How do you know this song, Mrs. Littlejohn?  After just that beginning horns part, they all broke into song, even though the music was off by then.  Clearly, they knew this one!  Then I had to show off and played a whole bunch of other stuff, instead, from popular kids movies.  Yup, thanks to hip-hop-booty-camp, I have a lot of music that is definitely outside of what would be considered appropriate for my 42 year-old self.  But I’m worth it.  Lol!  

  
I had planned on running seven miles this week and going to two classes, but there’s something about this autumn that seems to be sucking up any spare minutes I find lately.  This time I did make it to Zumba, but not boot camp (my own two kiddos were leaving for the weekend, so I hurried home to kiss them goodbye).  I did run, but didn’t run seven or more miles.  I ran just around six.  Once again, however, I find myself alarmingly chill about the whole thing.  I’m dropping pounds pretty well and when I do work out I’m handling it with ease.  My fitness and nutrition seem to be functioning in a pleasing way for now, so why mess with a good thing?  And, really, I ran on Friday, Sunday (which counted for last week’s numbers), zumba’d tuesday, ran Wednesday, hiked Saturday and ran Sunday.  Just because I didn’t run all of those miles doesn’t mean I didn’t still work out.  And hiking at St. Edward, which is where we went, is really a trail run on the flats and downs and I huff it up the other side.  It’s an intense workout.  I think I just effectively talked myself out of browbeating myself for failing to meet my goal.  Lol.  I’m not editing that away because it was kind of fun to write that.  😜

  
Last year I avoided the weather a lot.  When spring, then summer came and I continued to complain about first the rain, then the heat, I realized that weather was becoming an excuse for me not to go out and run.  When I first started running, nothing would or could stop me.  I ran alone, in the dark, in any kind of weather.  I ran on vacation, at the beach, at hotels, on treadmills- I didn’t care.  I just knew I had to do it so I got it done.  After that first, big chunk of my weight was lost, I kind of let myself have more excuses about weather.  And being tired.  And whatever else.  My training stagnated and so did my weightloss.  Zumba was good for me.  It woke me back up and I started seeing changes again.  It made me want to push myself harder and try things I didn’t think I could do.  So I did the Beat the Blerch 10K this fall and three weeks later, the Snohomish River Run half marathon.  I know I can do better for myself.  I know I can be more.

• I read in The Oatmeal’s The Reasons Why I Run Long Distances that whenever it occurs to you to go for a run, do it.  Immediately.  Go get your shoes on and go.  Now.  Otherwise you’ll think of a million reasons not to go.  So I’m trying to do that.  
• I ran a half marathon without stopping.  13.1 miles, without stopping.  I realized that anything up to ten miles is (almost) a breeze, so I need to be running further distances a bit more.  And if I’m running further distances more often, the thought of doing a Ragnar starts to gnaw on me.  While I don’t have a full marathon in my sights, I could see participating in a relay with one or more legs.  While I’ve always said that’s crazy, sometimes crazy starts to sound good.  I’ve been asked to join teams several times but I’ve always said no.  That I’m not ready.  Maybe I am, now. 
•  I saw a meme that said all weather is good running weather, and I thought, “Isn’t that the truth?”  So I decided it is thus, with the exception of ice or snow or extreme cold.  I’ll run in my garage in those instances, but I will run in the rain and in the dark on safe roads with safety gear.  This weekend it was pouring miserably, almost without stopping, and I went out in it.  I ended up feeling alive and invigorated, fully reconnected to my memory of loving to run in the rain!
• Someone posted that she had made her goal of walking or running 2015 miles in 2015 on Facebook today and I got really excited.  I looked it up and I think I’m making it a goal of mine for 2016.  Basically it just means I will have to really get my 10,000 steps per day, which equates to almost five miles per day, but that’s one of my ‘rules’!  I should be doing that anyways!  Here’s the link if you want to do it too: Run the Year.
• I realized that short term goals don’t drive me as much as they used to.  I used to need them as motivation to keep on track, but something seems to have happened in my brain and I actually make healthy choices that are habits, now, without needing as many reminders.  I don’t need to force my hand as much, so to speak.  
• That said…  I do have to be careful with the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays coming up.  After my Halloween candy success I’m feeling pretty confident that I’ll be able to enjoy myself without being excessive.  This will be the year of the win!  I won’t have to lose 20 pounds of holiday pudge- I’ll just lose the 20 pounds I’m always, somehow, able to lose in January and will finally be close to my goal of 170!!!  Fingers crossed!  Determination ready!

Oh- and to end my week I lost my toenail, at last.  And I weighed in at 196!  I have pictures of both, but after a lot of thought I decided that you didn’t need to see the ‘after’ picture of when my toenail came off and me holding the little, fallen nail next to it.  Shiver.  Nor would you probably want to see the picture of my feet, the next day, on the scale with said toenail missing.  Socks, Tamara!  Put on some socks!  But, yeah, 196!  It’s happening!!!!

It’s day four and it seems kind of ridiculous to continue to give the no-candy countdown.  I haven’t eaten any and I’m just going to go ahead and say I won’t.  I think I’m ok and I’m going to move on from this whole thing…  It’s funny how I really thought this was going to be a struggle; it’s silly how accomplished I feel about it all.  😜
  
I headed to the gym on Tuesday to dance Zumba with Emily for the first time in months!  I had a fabulous time!  I was a little late in arriving, so by the time I got there the only space available was the spot right behind the post in the middle of the room or in the very front, off to the side.  I opted for the front spot and was rewarded with a super-roomy spot.  When I finally got my bearings about me, I realized my friends Julie and Christina were there, as well, and another friend of ours from a different school, Laurie, joined us too!  It was my first time going to Zumba with the original posse, minus Jessica, and it felt good.. Afterwards I tried my second attempt at that selfie frame on the mirror. Once again, I missed the frame, but look at those ladies! It made my day to see them all there! When I arrived home I was pleased to find myself back in 197!!! A fabulous day, indeed!

The last song at Zumba, Runnin‘, was our cool down and I was just kind of going through it, best I could. It was a new song to me so I was trying to simply keep up, when Emily came to stand right in front of me, stretching her neck first one way, then the other. It was then that I noticed she was mouthing the words to the song, “If I lose myself, I lose it all.” Over and over like a mantra. “If I lose myself, I lose it all.” Suddenly I was threatening tears in Zumba, emotional like crazy, and had to pull it together quickly before the ugly cry surfaced.
Sometimes, I think, messages come when we are ready to hear them. Everything I am is because of me. I’m strong because of my own determination, because of my choices, my perseverance. If I lose myself, I will lose it all. I wrote a little, last time, about how I feel like I’m being released from ice, lately, seeing and understanding relationships a little better, and this song flooded over me as truth. If I lose myself I lose it all. Thank you to the heavens for that message. It was a beautiful reminder.

 
There’s a lot of candy at Lj House.  A loooooooootttt of candy.  So much.  You see, we realized that we might be at the end of an era.  She’s 12 now, and after elementary school the kids start deciding what to do as big kids on their own*.  It’s no longer a given that they’ll dress up, so we wanted to make this one was the epic year.  They year when we didn’t stop.  They year when we really earned the bragging rights of three neighborhoods and going until folks turned their lights off, and we did.  And we were tired, come 8:14, dragging into our house after three hours of trick or treating.  Also known as begging.  When they dumped it out and started sorting, I was amazed.  People spent a lot of money on us last night!  

That jar in the top left of the collage is just one of two.  Each kid has a copious amount of candy, each has a giant two gallon jar, stuffed full.  This could be trouble for mom and dad, but it won’t.  I said, could!  I’ve promised myself to avoid the candy after Halloween night.  Last night I ate a peanut butter Snickers, a chocolate eyeball, a Kit Kat, Almond Joy and a Charleston Chew.  Today I’ve eaten nothing and I couldn’t be more proud!  I plan on staying the course!

Jude got all amped up about the Jimmy Kimmel Candy Challenge, so when he left today, after begging me to trick him, I decided to follow through on the practical joke.  He thiought it would be really fun if I pretended to eat all of his candy and make him cry.  I told him that is really just not my style and I don’t like teasing, that practical jokes make people feel bad, but he thought it would be sooooo much fun.  When he left home on an errand, I did just that.  I took his candy, hid it and dumped all of the wrappers from last night into his jar.  He came home and immediately started crying, privately, so sad that I ate all of his candy.  He asked me over and over, and for about 20 minutes I made him live with the practical joke.  He decided that it wasn’t so fun even though it is funny to watch other kids have it happen to them.  Little goofball!

  
Part of my Halloween candy deal is that they can eat it all as fast or as slow as they want.  It is all theirs.  I want nothing to do with any of it at all.  I don’t want to see it, touch it, have to clean up wrappers- nothing.  The less I interact with it, the better.  So it lives in their rooms as well.  The final part is that while the candy lasts, there needs to be 20-30 minutes of active playtime.  I don’t care what it is, but the thought of them sitting and consuming it in front of the tv without moving makes me sick.  Today we dragged their grouchy little tails out to run around at the high school.  We’ve found they have great, lit, covered, outdoor hallways where we can run while the kids ride scooters and run all around in a fairly safe and well-lit, dry place!  Bradley and I got some mileage in and the kids did too.

While I was disappointed in my lack of goal keeping last week, I’m glad I set them.  They stuck with me, and anytime I felt like a slacker, I reminded myself to do what I could right then.  I could walk circles while I read aloud.  I could go to recess and play with the kids.  I could avoid the candy.  I could eat a pear instead of pasta.  I made substitutions that made sense where and when available, then, as soon as I could, I started the working out, too.  Running on Friday, Zumba Saturday, running today.  It’s a great start to a solid week, and I feel more prepared because I kept those goals in front of me.  This week’s goals:

• Weigh myself.  I haven’t been avoiding the scale, I just got busy and failed to get on.  I realized it’s been about two weeks since I weighed in, and I’m slightly nervous, even if my nerves do seem unnecessary…
• Food journal twice
• Run seven miles, Zumba twice

*While we don’t believe in a stopping age for trick or treating, I remember receiving the scorn of my neighbors for being ‘too big’ to trick or treat beginning when I was nine years old.  I remember, that first time, wanting to run home to get my parents (back in the days of free-range trick or treating!) to vouch my honesty at being ‘only’ nine to the lady who refused to believe me and then rolled her eyes as she dropped the candy into my bag. It was probably cheap, nasty, rubbery hubba bubba gum, too.  Grouchy old lady.  Those moments can be so scarring, shaming and awkward!  It’s just candy, for goodness sake!  If you don’t want to participate, don’t put out a pumpkin, amiright?!?!?

  
I went to Zumba!  On Halloween!  For 90 minutes!  In a costume!  

Ok.  I will stop speaking in exclamation points now…  I keep wondering when the time will come that I’ll stop being amazed at my life.  Like, when will I just accept that it’s not a big deal for me to choose to work out on a holiday?  In my past life, a holiday was a special day.  A day off from everything, including fitness or diet.  Halloween was code for ‘eat all the candy that you want and then eat some more,’ I think.  So to shift my holiday from one focused almost entirely on collecting and consuming candy to actually prioritizing and making it to Zumba is a pretty big nonscale victory for me.  Then I went through and inventoried my past, current and future celebrations, and I realized that I ran a half marathon for my 42nd birthday, went to an hour and a half of Zumba on Halloween and I’m starting out my Thanksgiving with a free 5k for the Lynnwood Food Bank!  They aren’t collecting money to run, just food.  Isn’t that the coolest??  But I realized I’ve started celebrating with activity instead of food.  I honestly didn’t think it was possible, back in the day, to have our focus elsewhere, but I’m proud that we’ve managed to make headway without even feeling the impact.

  {The Zumba crew, Camille is in the gold hat, our other instructor was the parrot, named Julie Z- loved her, too}

Zumba was pretty awesome.  It was at the Redmond Super Gym, which is a little more fancy schmancy than the one I usually go to.  Usually it would cost me a little more, but I used code word ‘Camille’ and was waved right in because it was a special event.  I walked in to find the lights dim, Thriller playing and lots of people in costume.  Immediately it was fun and festive.  Camille and Julie Z took turns teaching- Camille lead our boot camp type songs while Julie Z had awesome Zumba routines.  Like, usually I find Zumba to be fun but a little more straightforward and repetitive, but Julie Z did an amazing job of striking the balance.  I got an amazing workout!

 {Yep.  I’m the one, towering above everyone else, in the red hat.😄}

Needless to say, I had a good time and I won’t hesitate to ever join in on one of the ‘fun’ kinds of ‘special events’ that the gyms put on.  It’s like being a kid in school- remember that the Valentine’s and Halloween party days were just the best days??  It’s not because the party was that great, it was because the novelty made it memorable, and I will remember this Zumba class and monster mashing my way down the center aisle in my Where’s Waldo outfit for many many years.  Thanks to the other, friendly, ghoulish dancers and, especially, to the two, fantastic instructors that lead us in collective booty shaking this Halloween!

  

  
Well, I did it.  I went and turned 42.  It’s so odd to be this old, to be twice 21!  I celebrated my second 21st birthday last night!  My parents were in town earlier this week and they took us out to eat for my birthday, then we went out again, last night, to my very favorite place: Epolo in Edmonds.  They do an amazing job with diversifying vegetables.  They are where I get a lot of my own inspiration for how I cook my own food at home, and last night was no exception.  While I don’t always just adore everything I eat there, each time we go, we try something new and different.  It’s an adventure of a different kind.  Last night we tried grilled radicchio with a cheese sauce and roasted tomatoes.  It was bitter, surprising, something I’m not sure I’ll eat again, but a marvelous adventure.  In addition to the radicchio, we had burrata with basil and tomatoes, squash flatbread, pan seared calliflower and grilled Brussels sprouts.  Our waitress brought our food out in courses so we only used a tiny appetizer plate.  Our kids were shocked that they filled up from eating off such a small plate.  It was a lovely meal with lovely company, which made turning 42 not so bad after all.  Add to that the spoiling that my sweetheart second graders gave to me and my birthday turned out to be rather excellent.  🙂

  
Today I got to try out one of my birthday gifts. Bradley bought me a Garmin vivosmart!  It’s one of those wristband deals that connects via Bluetooth to my phone for a handy dandy little app.  So far I’m a little lost.  I’ve had to watch a bunch of YouTube videos to gain a deeper understanding of how the thing functions, but so far so good.  I’m already wanting to prove up to myself by pushing steps and distance,  I think it’s interesting how as soon as I put a counting device on, I generally get s lot more active.

Regarding this week’s goals, I have to confess to a pretty big goose egg.  I did not even come close to meeting them.  There was an event on Sunday that I attended where I ended up getting upset, speaking out, feeling like we made up and then I just sat uneasy with the outcome.  There’s been a shadow on me all week.  After my parents left, I just felt worn out.  My birthday looming ahead of me, conferences all week and pms just made me kind of dig my heels in stubbornly, and I didn’t do much of anything for my health except fall asleep early and drink lots of caffeine. It’s funny, though, that now that my birthday has passed I suddenly feel scads better.  Today was a half day so I came home and Bradley and I went for a nice run in the pouring dumping down rain.  It was wild, chilly, brisk and exactly what we both needed.  Tomorrow I’m planning to Zumba at a special Halloween event with my instructor, I plan on running on Sunday and I am going back to Zumba on Tuesday and Friday of next week.  I’m excited.  My run today woke me up and I’m ready to go!

  
There’s a three year difference here.  I can’t believe how much those little kids have grown!

  
Sometimes I question my status as an Amazon.  Am I really tall enough?  Stocky enough?  Muscular enough?  Then I see a picture like this one taken today at my family’s annual chili feed and pumpkin patch visit, and seriously.  I’m an a Amazon.  I’m just, plain, HUGE!  Those other taller people in the picture are my brothers and husband.  The remaining big, giant person?  ME!  The Amazon! 

***

Yesterday Gigi asked if I would do Zumba with her, and who was I to deny her?  She loves that we can find almost any song with a Zumba routine attached to it on YouTube.  About 15 minutes into our workout she remarked that she wasn’t working out very hard.  I answered that I was pretty warm and sweaty, thinking it was just my nearly-42-year-old body, but she said she was all sweaty too.  What she realized was that Zumba doesn’t feel like a workout.  It just feels like you’re jumping and playing to music, but you actually ARE working out.  The links were our two favorites that we did Saturday. 

 I’m making some goals for the week.  It’s conference week AND my birthday week.  There’s a lot of opportunity to get way off track so I think it’s important to keep a solid focus.  I want to:

• Run at least ten miles.  Part of those should be a longer run toward the end of the week.  If I get that longer run in, I will most likely be past 10 miles and will feel pretty good about that.  
• Document my food.  This week will be fraught with treats.  I need to keep on top of what I’m eating.
• Extinguish soda pop- again!  I’ve picked up a very minor habit of drinking a glass of diet soda about every other day, but I need to just put it doooowwwnnn.  Be done with it.  Let it go.
• Enjoy my birthday.  I have the birthday blues- I don’t know where to go to eat, dessert has too many calories, and really, I’m turning 42.  What’s exciting about that?  Really, it’s just disappointing and depressing and an age I never wanted to be and I’m just ready for it to be over.  See?  Here I go again.  Enjoy your birthday, dammit!
• Keep strong, don’t eat the Halloween candy.  Just DON’T EAT IT.  If I don’t start, I won’t have to stop.

  
I was a scarecrow at my school’s costume carnival on Friday.  It was a fast, easy costume that turned out pretty cute!  

(I fuzzed my family out because I’m not sure if all of my family wants or is allowed to have their images online- no offense intended.)