Day two of the candy wars has me winning still! I have a lot of thought crime, but nary a piece of Halloween candy has yet to travel across my lips since Halloween night! That said, I’m still carving away on that last bit of cheesecake leftover from my birthday last Thursday, but when that’s gone, my house will be dry except for Halloween candy. The funny thing is that this year is different. It’s not calling to me like it has in the past, though I suppose since I made a new set of rules this year it feels like a whole new game. Making the candy off limits definitely has its benefits!!! One of them being that I went from a recent low of 197 to 199 during my PMS week, this following two birthdays AND Halloween! I’m seriously patting myself on the back.
My birthday shoes came today!!! Really, they are my Christmas shoes, since I got shoes that were too small last year and had to return them all, then just never quite got back around to ordering new ones. I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve been running for two and a half years on the same sneakers! They literally have holes worn in them. I just kept on returning to my hot pink asics over any other shoe… You know how you don’t know quite how bad things are until you fix it? My new shoes feel like I’m walking on a foot massage while receiving a shin and calf massage! They are simply marvelous! The black ones are my new hiking sneaks, the blue are for street running and the pinks are cross trainers for the gym. Here is another opportunity to marvel at my life- one pair of sneakers used to last me for years, and the only reason to get new ones was for style. Which I had none of. So I just stuck with same my old tennis shoes… But now I need three separate pairs for three separate activities, and I’m a little disappointed I don’t have one or two more pairs for street running. You know, for pretties and sparkles purposes. But seriously, new sneakers. SQUEEeeeeee!
I’ve had a more negative point of view lately than I usually carry. It’s definitely a burden. I’m working through a few interpersonal issues that have had me in a quagmire for years. It seems like I’m finally achieving some clarity and building an understanding about why some things are the way they are. Within that, I’m ruminating things over and over in my mind as I’m solving problems, and sometimes that starts to look like negativity as new awarenesses come to light- like that movie The Sixth Sense or something. Looking back it all seems clear… Anyhow, I’m trying to let go of any negative foci and I’m attempting to redirect. When I start feeling down, one place to look is at Mr. Rogers. He was not my guy as a kid. He appeared to be pandering, to me. Who could be that sincere?? But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how important his work was and how much our world needs him now. He promoted goodness, kindness and selflessness. He taught us how to love freely and modeled that daily with kind conversations and authentic interactions in his, and our, neighborhood. My teaching and classroom management model is founded in Mr. Rogers’s philosophy, of loving children where they are and seeing what they can do under the umbrella of that love.
I spent the day texting Mister Rogers memes to Bradley and somehow it colored my day a little prettier…
Anyhow, and I’m not even sure if this is a cohesive thought anymore, I just want to be better. I want to let go of anger and cynicism. I want to let go of being hurt and sad about things and relationships that are outside of my control. I want to adopt Mr. Rogers’s willingness to let go of his ‘self’ in order to focus on the people who really needed his help. I want to forgive more, move on and not allow negativity to dominate any part of me. I want to be more McFeely, I guess. ❤️ I think I am.
It’s nice, too, because I can feel the hold it had over me cracking like ice in spring right now. It feels so good to let it go.
I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m definitely working on it. 😉