The Lost Weekend

Today on my way into work I ran into a friend to regularly reads my blog. She said that she was looking all weekend for updates about how I was doing and was disappointed that there was no post. I told her why and she pointed something out. I suppose it might actually be time to admit it: I am human. I had a lost weekend.

{for those wondering, this was the only time I got out this gorgeous weekend and it was Sunday night.}
I don’t often have lost weekends anymore- I generally have pretty solid control with little exception these days. Usually I bank all of my lost weekends and just call it lost October, lost November and lost December; my eatin’ months, I suppose. This weekend, though, I was a mess. I had anxiety ridiculously bad. It was what I call ambient anxiety, where nothing in particular is really triggering anything, but my brain is going nuts and I was freaking out for no reason at all and I was having to talk myself down from ledges like crazy. I wasn’t very pleasant to be around- for my family or for me!

And it was like this weekend I had an attitude about it. I just didn’t care. What was really weird was that I didn’t really think about what was going in my mouth very much. On Friday night I found a clearance priced Symphony milk chocolate bar, and I usually keep some chocolate around the house for those moments when I really need some chocolate; in fact I would say that I eat chocolate almost daily. I am just smart and controlled about it. This weekend though? Well, I cracked that chocolate bar open when I got home on Friday night and by the time Sunday rolled around, I only had one square of it left. And I’m not talking about a regular sized Symphony bar- oh no. I’m talking about the big, baking-size bars! Yes, some of it went into other people’s mouths, but because I also tried out the new Cadbury Cream Eggs (newly owned by Hershey’s and, thankfully, not nearly as nummy), tasted ice cream a few times and never once worked out more than this walk I took with my family, I feel like I can take ownership of an entire baking sized chocolate bar consumed after a week of resting and weekend of no working out.
Have no fear, though! The Shazam is strong in me today… I can feel it. I’m on my treadmill right now as I type this… Back at it to kill my 200!


  1. heather

    You have been reading my diary & stealing my weigh in #’s! Same boat here! I am certain my scale has been sabotaged & is not capable of dropping below 200. Wait…no, I squashed that conspiracy theory when I made each of children step on, then off, then on again (12x). Love your blog, I also found you through runs for cookies. We got this! 199.9 here we come!

  2. I just found your blog through your feature on Katie’s blog. I’m totally with you on the one-derland issue. I get so close but can’t seem to break that bar. But…I just added running into my routine and I am bound and determined that this year I will be under 200 for good!! Thanks for sharing your struggles and successes – it’s so nice to know I’m not alone.

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