We had fruit flies, I tried this trick and Bradley illustrated it 🙂
I’ve been going around and around lately trying to figure out what I want to post on my website. If I’m perfectly honest, I’ve had a bit of a tough time lately because I just don’t know what to write. Sometimes I think it needs to be dedicated to fitness and weight loss, and other times I feel like it needs to have more about who I am and how I live my life, like a lifestyle blog or something- with importance placed on Weight Loss and fitness of course. Mostly think, though, that September rolls around and life just takes on a whole new complexity as I get rolling with the new year and new students.
This year has had additional stress because I moved schools and grade levels. I didn’t think it was going to be that big of a deal, I have moved schools before, I have started at new schools before, I have started new jobs before and it has never been a big deal. I’ve always thought of myself as very flexible and that I adjust very easily to new situations.
It has been hard, though, to adjust to the newness of the place. It’s weird to walk around and not know anybody. I mean, I know some people, but the majority of the staff is still nameless to me. I say hello and talk to many, but am having that difficulty. The culture of the school is very different than the ones that came before. There’s nothing wrong with anything, but it’s an adjustment. More than anything, however, the extra commute stinks, coupled with the adjustment of my work hours, I leave home at 7:30 and get home around five. That’s a full hour longer than I’m used to, and I really feel it in my family time. I miss my kids so much, I miss Bradley terribly and they are missing me. You wouldn’t think an hour would be that big of a deal, but it is!
I’m not going to say that I’m entirely unhappy, though, or anything even close to that- quite the contrary. As I’m adjusting to my new setting, I’m finding myself in more of a comfortable place than I have been in a long time. I’m actually believing in myself again, I’m seeing myself as the wonderful, warm educator that I believed I was, then wondered if I actually embodied, for several years. I’m finding joy again, actually. I’m realizing that all those years I taught intermediate grades were wonderful and good, but I think for now my heart is in the early primary grades. I love these little people. They’re busy, silly, out of their seats all the time and complaining about the hard work of counting on their fingers from seven to ten to find out the difference and all I can do is smile and laugh, because what else can you do? Seven year olds defy logic and reason, so it’s laughter, now. I find myself so much more forgiving and I find myself playing along with them, having fun with them every day. I’m finding the joy I was seeking in my job again.
This week, when I saw that glimmer of joy, I committed to finding it. I realized that part of being a happy person and a happy teacher is looking at my job and seeking out the positive things I like about being there. I realized that a few years ago teaching started feeling like a job, and you need to understand that I was the type of teacher who was antsy during her six week maternity leave to get back to work. I enjoyed summers, but really looked forward to getting back in the classroom. Over the past few years I started missing Bradley all day, every day, every moment while I was at work. I started fantasizing about being able to stay home every day, quitting teaching altogether, but I gritted my teeth and forged forward in order to support my family. I saw it as a necessity; selling my life by the minute to someone else, when I’d rather be doing things with my husband and family. That’s not to say I didn’t love the kids or didn’t put my all into my job, but my heart wasn’t backing it up, my will was.
But this year I keep being surprised by moments of joy, and every time I think excitedly, “I’m enjoying teaching!” I marvel and wonder that this is happening. I thrill at my excitement to do my job. We play, every day. We act things out. We sing, we dance! They love openly. It’s just so fun and happy! So while it’s still an adjustment, it’s one worth being patient for and one I’m excited to re-engage with.