I’m feeling all kinds of sassy right now.  Like, if I were a rapper I’d be throwing down all these sick rhymes that MEAN something.  Alas, I’m mild mannered Tamara the teacher who is not versed in the way of rapper rhyme expression, so I’ll just do my usual and over use slang words.  On a side note?  I’ve been thinking a lot about slang lately and how people think it’s a sign of being an uneducated ignoramous, but I think people who adopt current slang are just people who love new vocab.  I loooove slang, but I also like to curse AND use interesting words.  I like to mix it all up and throw it on the table in an unexpected kind of pot pie, all mashed together but oddly interesting and fitting.  I like that.

Anyhow, where this sass comes from, I don’t know.  Well, maybe I do.  I feel GOOD lately.  Like, I say to Bradley all the time how level and normal I am now.  I feel like my old self who was always even and happy.  Chill.  There are times, lately, when something happens and I’m like, hmmm…  that would have ticked me off before I got on my anti anxiety meds, but now?  No biggie.  As it should be.  

What I’m not happy about is this huge weight gain I’ve made.  I’m having a tough time sticking to my guns/determination.  I’m getting the exercise part down, but I’m having difficulty in stopping eating and eating.  Then eating some more.  Like, in the middle of the night I’m getting a banana.  I’m starving all day long even though I’m eating plenty…  Then at night I’m like a ravenous monster and I have a hard time turning it off.  Today I ate a huge pan of roasted carrots because I really wanted to binge on some ice cream and Halloween candy.  I had to very actively make that choice, then, even after I made the smarter choice, I ate a couple of sour patch kids and a piece of chocolate.  I told myself I ate less of it, having eaten the carrots, but really.  I wasn’t hungry.  Why do I even give in like that?  I don’t always have to have every craving met and I need to relearn how to say no to myself.  Seriously.  And I need to stop eating my caloric burn from working out.  What’s the point of trying to lose weight when I eat all of my advantage??!!

On the note of working out, I have to say that taking over the feed for Orca is, indeed, productive for me.  I’ve decided to use it as motivation to run more often and, so far, it is working beautifully.  The takeover is making me a bit slower, as I keep stopping to take the best picture, but I’m ok with that.  I’m dialing back my distance and concerns about speed and I’m just enjoying running for the sake of running again.  Today Jude confessed to me how much he enjoys running once he gets going.  I couldn’t have been more proud or happy.  

My sass has been replaced by a craving for that cozy feeling that involves a fire, a mug of tea, my fuzzy blanket and a cute schnauzer puppy called Fred.  😌

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