Goals – Win Some, Lose Some

That moment when you wake up on Sunday morning all content… Only to bolt upright in bed with the realization that you literally FORGOT to do your final abs workout to earn the goodie. I was so mad. (Not really, disappointed.) The super annoying part is that Bradley asked me if I wanted to go to Old Navy last night when we drove by, I said no and felt all smug that all I needed was to finish up one more workout last night to earn my shopping prize. Then I came home and heavily invested hours upon hours in TED Talks, thereby completely COMPLETELY FORGETTING my abs. Booooooooo! No present for me.

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On the other hand… I did make my basic goals. That is cause for celebratory booty shaking dances.
***
Workout Tally
Abs Workouts: 3
Goal: 3
Goal for prize: 4 (BOOOOO!)
Miles ran this week: 15.4
Goal: 15 (I did it!)

New goals:
Abs Goal: 3
Goal for Prize: 4 (again!)
Mileage Goal: 10
I’m lowering my mileage for two reasons:
1. I’m tired. My muscles are tired. My joints are tired. I need to take an easier, healing week.
2. I have an insane work week coming up, staying late at work and getting home late all week. Every stinking day. Running will be a lower priority and I don’t welcome the added stress.
***

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We went for a run yesterday at the track. I ran my 2 miles and then got out of there. Afterwards Bradley and I talked about our feelings about the track. It was funny because we have the exact arguments and feelings about those places, I just feel the way about street running that he feels about track running and visa-versa!
Track running is really good. The track is flat, so no undue stress on the body. It is cushy, so less impact on the joints. But even more than that, we can all go. Jude is not quite big enough to run more than 1/4-1/2 a mile. Gigi regularly racks up mileage, but Jude is still babyish, slow and, of course, not terribly interested. When we go to the track, three can run together while the other plays in the sand pit, climbs the track and field or football equipment, or he plays soccer in the field. It works out well, family-wise.
However, I feel very self-conscious running on the track. Whenever we go, I am the lone woman, circling. On top of that, and this is just my own issue, I am usually the fattest person at the track. I feel like a minority that doesn’t belong, similar to the way people probably feel working out at a gym next to the ‘hot bod’ babes. I feel highly visible and prefer the unassuming nature of the street. Of course I also like the natural world better, with hills, valleys, leaves and blossoms. I like the changing view, people’s houses, people and watching the world change.
Bradley, on the other hand, enjoys the track because he feels like it is where you are supposed to run. He feels self conscious, like running on the street is shoving it in people’s faces, all pious and judgey- you know, for the same reason people hate it when other people post about working out on Facebook.* I suppose it reminds people that they need to work out and no one wants to work out, usually, so he feels like a nag by default.
Street running, for me, is the exact opposite. To me, street running has no airs. If I’m doing it wrong, no one is going to mock me. I hear people make comments at the track all the time, “He has a weird style, but it works, I suppose.” “Yeah, I’ve been watching him. Slow and steady, he’s not fast, but good for him.” Pseudo-compliments from pseudo-experts. On the street they might think things, but there aren’t groups of ‘experts’ judging the ‘best’ way to do things. It’s just people in cars, houses or yards who see this person run by a few times every week. Furthermore, I like the hills, the views and the fact that because I run I am becoming a personality in my neighborhood. I’m starting to know people (and dogs) in my neighborhood and they are beginning to know me. I like that.
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I spent some time studying my Strava account yesterday and found the following:

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A few pieces of amazement:
1. Yesterday I was averaging 5 runs per week. If I ran today I’m sure I’d get the same result.
2. In the past 28 days I’ve run 55 miles and gone for 19 runs! WOW!
3. My total distance is 79 miles. I’m close to running 100 miles- AMAZING! I went from only having ever run 1 little mile in my life to having run almost 100 times that. Wow. Just… Wow.
I’m kind of in awe of myself. Meaning- I don’t sit around all self congratulatory all the time, but if someone from work told me this story I would be impressed. So I’m allowing myself to be impressed with myself. 🙂
*
Ooh goodness I am proud when i have just worked out. I ran a mile, a half mile, three miles- whatever! But if you post stuff like that on Facebook people hate it, to the point that they make memes mocking people who do it. I don’t get it. We should be proud of those things that make our hearts pump with joy and lust for life, not luridly fascinated by people’s sad lives.
I pick and choose who I share with personally. I post a lot here, yes, but if you come to this website you know what you’re going to find- workout stories and weightloss successes and struggles… maybe some failures. But there is a group of folks online and at my work who have I have kind of linked arms with and I tell them everything, spam them with pictures, brag when I worked out- all that. I NEED that. I hold myself accountable by sharing what I’m doing. I’m proud, yes, but also trying to build the expectation that I’m the person who works out, eats right… And if I ever stopped people would harass me about it, wonder about it, ask about it… I can’t quit if everyone knows. That would be humiliating. Being able to use Facebook for support like that without social retaliation would be nice, don’t you think?

Guess What I Ate Today?

It could have been worse. Much much much worse. This is my most loved week because it is Staff Appreciation Week at my school. Our PTSA supplies lunch all week long, negating the need to pack something. Instead it is delicious, hot, fresh, yummy- like I said: my most loved week at school. At the end of the table every day was a huge array of desserts to end each meal sweetly. I’m proud to say that I didn’t over eat the whole week. I ate about half a cookie all week. And then today happened.
I love Frost Donuts. On my birthday I don’t get cake or pie or ice cream. I get Frost. And I savor every delectable bite. If you go, I advise any fritter they serve and/or the salted caramel old fashioned. You won’t be disappointed.
Anyhow, guess what was for breakfast this morning? Yup. FROST DONUTS! I was such a good kid all day. I ate an old fashioned donut and then half a chocolate cruller. I scored two donuts for my kids and a banana, but that was it. Honest. When I came home? It was like all that energy telling myself no just burst out and I said YES YES YES!!!
Today’s diet:
Morningstar sausage
English muffin
1/2 cup yogurt
2T granola
Banana
Old fashioned delicious donut
1/2 cruller
4 chik nuggets
Carrots (gotta stay healthy, yo)
Pop chips
Baked lays
Cilantro lime dip for baked lays
Burrito
With more cilantro lime sauce (thank you PTSA for the leftovers)
1/2 burrito more
…drenched in even more cilantro lime sauce
Caramel covered with chocolate

How could it have been even worse? There were many delicious donuts to try. Muffins. Chips. I was called back to that stupid table all day- it was right next to the freaking copy machine – torture! I’d lean over it, inspecting this, that, considering a nibble but I’d walk away. Every time except the one when I ate the extra 1/2 cruller.
Apparently I can’t walk away from that cilantro lime dip though. Sheesh. I think I ate 1/2 cup of it. I was going to ask for the recipe but I think I had better abstain.
***
On top of the stellar diet today it was also an abstaining from exercise day. I’ve been running really hard all week. I realized that this is the first week I’ve been running ALL of my miles and not hiking any. On top of that, I upped my mileage from 12 miles to 15 so I’m actually running a substantial amount this week. Woot for me! I’m planning on running my final two miles tomorrow and I should make my goal with no problem.
Workout Tally
Abs Workouts: 3
Goal: 3 (Booty shakin’ going on here!)
Goal for prize: 4
Miles ran this week: 13
Goal: 15
***
I worked my abs a few minutes ago. I’m having difficulty finding photograph worthy things to post so I tried to take a picture of myself mid-crunch and captured… Something that doesn’t need to be shared. So I rolled over as soon as the crunching and took this one instead.
Happy Friday

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Stretch

One of the most obvious things that makes me feel ready to exercise is stretching.
A lot of the time when I feel sore and don’t want to exercise if I stretch it gets rid of that sore feeling and replaces it with this tingly feeling. It is incredibly invigorating and makes me want to zoom.
That does seem obvious, doesn’t it? Yet… It is one of those things that I know works but my brain conveniently forgets when I’m feeling less than motivated to work out.
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I’ve been aching in my joints lately. Yesterday’s run was a hard 3.3 and today I just pushed to a 1.6 before I started feeling, just, achy. I have a twang that, if i don’t stretch it well, starts up aout one mile into my run. I told Bradley about it and he pointed out that I’m not doing two things: hydrating after my runs well enough or eating protein after my workouts to rebuild muscles.
Looks like I need to be doing more of that.
***
I challenged my students to run/walk/hike a marathon over the next month. They have until June 14th to log 26.2 miles. Every kid who does it gets a prize. I also challenged my families with a mileage challenge- whoever gets the most averaged human miles will win a gift basket. I’m thrilled with their enthusiasm! So many of my kids came back to school reporting that they went out for a run with their parents or they went for a walk all together. I’m delighted that I was able to get some people moving! Our bodies are AmAzInG!!!
***
Workout Tally
Abs Workouts: 2
Goal: 3
Goal for prize: 4
Miles ran this week: 13 (WOOT!!!)
Goal: 15
(All signs point to making my goals AND my reward ab goal! Woot !)

Couldn’t Wait

This was me about 20 minutes ago:

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Yup.
It’s not my fault. We went to Ross and Bradley encouraged me to get a bunch of new running pants. They were all so inexpensive and once I got them home I just had to try a pair out. Don’t judge. I also needed to work off the 1/2 burger, salad and deep fried habanero macaroni and cheese ball that I happily consumed when I got surprise taken out to eat to kick off Mother’s Day weekend.
So I had to run. And run. And run. I planned on the big block which is about about 1.8 and when I finished that one I felt pretty stinking good so I did the short block which is an even 1 mile and when I finished that one I realized how close I was to finishing a 5k so went around and short cut through the school to finish the whole thing, totaling 3.4 miles in 37 minutes! I felt amazing! Taking the time off was a smart idea. Running tonight was an excellent idea. Plus, I made my goal of 12 miles for the week! Anything I do tomorrow will be gravy.
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I fit a size 16 today when I was at Ross. A SIZE 16 PEOPLE. I bought those pants. You bet I did.

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Day Off

Yup… This cowgirl is going on day two of not exercising. It’s amazing how good I feel. I’m getting all healed up. Bruises are losing their vibrancy, joints are less hurty. I felt like I could run today, but I forced my hiney back down into the hot tub for more soaking. Rest through tomorrow, then I can run again. I’m looking forward to it.
I get a little, well, manic when it comes to getting my burn on. On a no exercise day like today it will get to 8:00 at night and all of the sudden I’m either changing into my running gear or I’m reverting back to being eight years old, pouncing on my kids and getting all wild with them right before bed, OR I’m aggressively challenging Bradley to tickle fights, king of the mountain trials and wrestling matches. You think I’m kidding? Talk to the hubs. I have gas in my tank, my babies. I have to move.
Several days of this and I really do remember what it was like to be that crazy kid who could rollerskate for hours then talk a million miles an hour in a made-up language to my BFF while turning cartwheels in the front yard after spending the day swimming and riding my bike around and around the block while singing camp songs at the top of our lungs. Think I’m kidding? Ask anyone I graduated with who lived in my hood. All of my neighbors. They all heard me.
For years I was told to calm down, to settle down, that I was like a fart in a skillet, that I would spin like a top, that I just. Never. Stopped. Miss Wiggle, squirmy wormy, that was me. I eventually ended up doing an excellent job of settling down. But I won’t ever do that again longer than a day or three. All of that energy that was inborn was for a reason- I need to move or I get unhealthy. Now that I have my chutzpah back I’m determined to keep it.
I really pushed myself during the past two weeks. I took that weightloss warrior thing to heart and didn’t take a day of rest for the entire time. This rest is good, but I’m anxious to get back to training. Squirm on, wiggle on, and just. Never. Stop, lady.

Sunshine

Sunshine. We are getting a real dose of it right now, and usually we don’t have this much. The result? We are staying outside until all hours playing then dropping into bed exhausted and crashing to sleep. It’s a good feeling, but one that doesn’t lend itself to keeping a blog!
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We headed out to the beach on Monday. It is the earliest we have ever swam before, which made frightening visions of global warming go through my head (so sad that I can’t just enjoy the sun- I have to shame myself about global warming on a gift like that day). The beach was beautiful, the sun was shining, the kids were splashing, and I wore my bikini to the public beach. Guess what? Nobody laughed or pointed. Nobody stared. Nobody cared, even when the dude’s dog came and dropped a ‘package’ 3 feet from my hip and he apologetically came over and conversationally cleaned it up- he didn’t care! It was no biggie to anyone- except me. Enter bikini season!
I sit in a funny place in the fat acceptance movement. As I have said before, no matter what size I have been, I have always liked myself. My husband has always been crazy-nuts for me since the moment he first saw me. (he can tell the story sometime, I was a size 20/22) While my weight did keep me from doing some things, it wasn’t from worrying about embarrassment (usually), it was actual physical limitations.
I was thinking about how I fit into the fat acceptance movement now, and realized that my current size will never matter. I can support my bikini wearing brethren no matter if I’m fat or thin. Certainly, the fact that I’m choosing my weight right now (and that it is a lower weight) is helpful in allowing me clarity to advocate and understand my place, but shouldn’t we all be able to wear what we want regardless of our size? Shouldn’t a ‘bikini body’ just be a body with a bikini on it? Why was I so scared to go do that?

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***
So far I’m keeping with my goals for the week. I am letting myself have my miles from Sunday’s hike as part of my mileage this week. Before you call cheat, let me just explain that the hike really took it out of me and has required a bit of muscle swelling and bruised joint healing. I have managed to run both Monday and Tuesday nights, but just once around the big block (1.8 miles)*. Add the heat to my recovery and running has been tough this week. So at this point I’m at about 9 miles for the week. Clearly I’ll make my goal, hopefully I’ll pass it. I’m starting to think I will have to be a morning runner this summer. The heat really makes me feel sick right now. I’m hoping that will pass once I’m at a lower weight and every step I take isn’t quite as difficult. I keep wondering when I will start to feel like a normal runner- one who is not sore all the time and who can walk up and down her stairs without doing some weird hurky-jerky sideways step to save her aching muscles and joints. I’m assuming that will happen when I hit around 200 and I’m not having to work quite as hard.

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I also made a goal to do my abs workout five times this week. So far I’m at two and holding strong. My ab workout is starting to feel easier which makes me fear the change-up and how it is going to change as I amp it up. I was looking at pictures of myself realizing that my legs are looking pretty skinny, and my torso is not shrinking as fast. I recognize that this may just be the way I’m losing weight, but I also think it has to do with my exercise of choice. I use my legs to get the burn, and I need to burn the belly more. So that’s why the big ab push- get that shape going so I don’t look like a jelly bean on stilts!

*Yesterday a friend of mine pointed out and we laughed about the following statement: I went out and ran a quick mile. A “quick mile” has such a casual sound to it. Just a mile, a quick mile- any phrase implying any amount of ease with running is pretty funny considering what kind of runner I was at the beginning of this year! I laugh at some of the things I hear myself saying now.