New Year’s Eve: Moving Forward

There are some things that are simply mortifying. Gaining 15 pounds in one month is pretty much that. Even worse? Going from the precipice of Onederland at 201 to 221 in a season. Yep. I didn’t tell you: my all-time high in 2014 was not 215. Oh no, that would be too easy. I rolled on up past 215 and hit 221 earlier this week. 220 is my panic weight that I’m never ever supposed to pass, so 221 was just horrible. Terrible. I’ve worked too hard to let this happen.
I suppose it’s a really good lesson. I was getting ridiculously comfortable with my newfound confidence, making blanket statements about how I’ve got this and food is no longer a problem and all that. Arrogant. Food is still a problem. Mainly, sugar is still a problem, and boy oh boy is my body ever good at converting those excess calories into fat! And I’m really good at providing the fodder. Let this be a lesson to me that food is and ever will be a problem. I may gain footing as far as control goes, but I can never relax: sugar is my drug of choice and relapsing is incredibly easy, legal and accessing it is so incredibly simple that falling down that rabbit hole is too easy to allow anything but ironclad control, and, unfortunately, consistent exercise does not chase the pounds away as I hoped. I’ve exercised well daily.
Needless to say, I’ve been feeling pretty bad about myself. It’s all things together: the sense of failure at doing something I promised I’d never do again, sliding so far away from being so close to weighing under 200, hitting my panic weight and passing it right on by and then having to report it all here. Having to own it publicly- that’s a hard but, for me, necessary part of the process. I hate being a disappointment to myself and the people who read me here, but then I have to remind myself that it’s ok for everyone to see me fail, momentarily, but it’s also good to see me pulling myself back up, getting back to it and killing those numbers again. I would like to see that for myself and anyone else who wants it.

{My best friend Elizabeth and I took our kids to Seattle yesterday and had the best time! I’m so proud of her- she has lost 55 pounds and finally got off of a weight plateau to keep on losing! Woohoo!}
So that’s who I’m going to be: the girl who determinedly loses the weight she gained during December and beyond. I refuse to continue to feel bad about myself and I’ve decided simply to take care of this situation. There’s no point in feeling bad- that only makes me want to stay in bed for a million years eating the same crap that got me into this position in the first place.
Imagine, then, my pleasure this morning, at getting on the scale and seeing 215. I had a feeling that some of my December pudge was water weight, and it actually was! Phew! As I step into my more traditional, daily diet, my weight should normalize and I’ll find out how much fat I really gained. Or perhaps I’ll just kick my butt into gear and never find out how much I gained because I managed to lose a little bit before the water even completely came off… That would be nice. But having that loss of water sure did help motivate me to keep on track to lose this 15 plus the remaining 30 that is still want to lose.
2015 will be my year of completion.

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