Today is Bradley’s birthday. It’s a tricky day because he has a love-hate relationship with his birthday. Mostly on the side of hate it can be tricky. This day, though, Jude was on day two of the stomach flu, so doing much of anything was out of the question. We did take a really interesting run, though.

While we ran we were really honest with ourselves and shared our truths about our eating habits of late with one another. Bradley and I often recognize that people fail most often with personal goals- and yes, I am speaking of losing weight here but think that this theory can be applied to other things- when they aren’t truthful with themselves. They justify behaviors (but I need healthy fats!*), make convenient excuses (I earned a treat), hide behind advice of others (my doctor said x but my therapist says Y and they are conflicting so I’ll do nothing) and aren’t honest about what they are doing (eating more/crappy food than they admit).
So, me: I have been eating the mostly same quantities if food but I’ve been eating crappy foods. By crappy, I mean that we have had a cookie tray and some chocolates sitting around that we have been nibbling on. Whenever we got hungry, there was no need to make anything, there was a cookie. Or piece of fudge. Or whatever. It’s gone now- I realized I had to throw it all away otherwise I was going to consume it all. Bradley admitted that he was eating it up so I wouldn’t eat it. He was eating to save his wife! Lol! I also was honest about the fact that I’m eating more food. Like, I eat the same quantity at one sitting but I’m sitting down and eating more often. We are having a staycation so there are many opportunities to eat.
Lastly, leading up to Christmas, our exercise habits were pretty bad. I ran four times in the three weeks leading up to Christmas- we just got so busy, depressed, anxious and overwhelmed. My metabolism got compromised and it was like my body was primed to pack on the pounds, and it did. I have yet to get under 219 and I am absolutely floored that it rushed on so quick. At first I thought it was water weight, but it hasn’t left and I think I need to own that I actually, gulp, gained nine pounds. Granted, I do still think some of it is water weight. I have a tendency to swell and hold a little extra water in my muscle tissue when I start exercising, so I know that’s happening- we started a great exercise regiment again. I’m not laying down the fast miles or anything, but I am getting two to three miles ran per day and we have also been walking a little and hiking.
I guess I’m saying that it’s time to own my behavior and confront myself. Get kicked back into gear. Today was pretty good, with the exception of birthday cake and birthday pie, I was a pretty solid eater. My meals had the primary component of vegetables -crudités for lunch with apples and cheese, then taco salad for dinner- and we ran well today. I’m feeling more in control and I know it will all start coming off again. 210 will be here again before I know it. (If only speaking confidently was all I needed to do to make it so!)

*Yes, this is valid. But everything needs to be in moderation and I have been served ‘healthy’ meals before with enough olive oil to make a generous offering at an altar AND cook my meal in.

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