Everything is Awesome

Before I get into it, I want to mention that my return to school is going swimmingly! The first two days were rough, I’m not going to lie, but after Wednesday my kids and I just kind of got into the flow of things and it started to feel good again. On top of that? I’m back down to 208. Phew! Only three pounds to my all time low, then I’m making my way out of the 200’s. Enough is enough. I’m determined to get it done this time!

{we saw The Lego Movie the other day. Yes, Everything was Awesome! It is now my favorite kid’s film, barely beating out Frozen! Also? The only pic from this week that does not have my students or children in it. Ha!}
Now… Getting down to business…
H.A.A.L.T.– Hungry, angry, anxious, lonely, tired…
Amy, a reader of Tamara Shazam and all around awesome person, mentioned this acronym to me in a comment a week or so ago. It triggered some deep thinking of my own that resulted in my menu of responses to anxiety that I recently wrote about.
It was interesting to realize how those things really do strike a response in me.
When I’m hungry, I’ll eat the entire time I’m making dinner, then feel obligated to eat a full meal because I prepared it AND because I usually am ashamed that I ate so much during the prep time. I’ve gotten better at controlling that part, and have sat with an empty plate at dinner time a few nights lately after I’ve binged during cooking. I guess it’s a lot like grocery shopping on an empty stomach.
When I’m anxious, I look for any distraction possible and usually that is food. I’m working on changing this, obviously, but it’s still something I have to contend with way more often than I would like. I think the trick here, for me, is controlling my anxiety, and that is no small feat.
When I’m angry I don’t really like to eat. I like to move vigorously or sulk and sit in a dark room with noise canceling device over my ears. Think I’m joking? Just ask my husband who was probably terrified the first time he discovered me hiding in a dark closet. LOL! It sounds stupid, but canceling out stimulation of any kind works wonders for my freak outs.
I do eat when I am lonely. I am incredibly insecure, though I think that is probably fairly surprising to some people. Maybe not, but I act confident, in general. When I get to feeling insecure and lonely (I think the two are tied for me), though, it is a perfect opportunity to turn to my good old friend: food. Preferably ice cream. Or tortilla chips with salsa and sour cream. And as I sit there and eat, my mind ponders my sad, lonesome state of affairs and I start looking for the next thing that might taste good… Then the next. I think those insecure, lonely moments are the hardest for me to control myself in.
When I’m tired, I can be very crabby, very punitive to myself, quite passive aggressive and I feel entitled of food in a way that is different. Like, I’ve EARNED the right to treats and binges. I deserve x because I had a hard tough day… That’s not how it’s supposed to work, but I do it anyhow.
Amy was right, when any of these get out of balance, a binge or poor food choice often lurks right around the corner! I feel like, if I pay attention to these triggers, I might be able to control myself better by making sure I don’t become too much of any of those things and I can keep cruising forward on my body project. Though I suppose it’s a bit of a brain project anymore as well, amiright?!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *