Busy = Confused 

This week kind of slapped me upside the head and hollered WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?  I made lofty goals to start HIIT training, a run or two, some walks and if I felt like it, some weight work.  On top of that, I was supposed to keep my nutrition on point and start dabbling in macros.  😂👍👏 Yeah- the joke’s on me.

  I ended the week simply confused.  This morning I looked back on my week with a bit of shock.  First off, on Monday I realized that I had a 15k THIS Sunday, not NEXT weekend like I originally thought.  That put my running schedule on compromise, so I ended up not running once this week.  I only took a few walks…  I also just plain got busy.  During this time of year, school hits fever pitch with end of the year assessments/ projects/ celebrations/ assemblies and I totally got caught up in it.  As its the end of the year, the kids are also whipping up into their pre-summer frenzy and I’m just mentally impacted with the amount of projects and second-grader-ness.  I came home just drained every day.  We also had track practice, a track meet, variety show practice, and, you now, life to live at home and it just ended up being one of those weeks.  And those weeks usually end with me with an entirely skewed perspective of who I am, how I’m doing and the control I have over my health.

This week I ate when I was hungry.  Mostly I ate what I wanted so it was more carbohydrate- rich diet than usual.  I ate pasta one night.  I ate ice cream two nights.  I had one binge night where I ate some bites  ice cream, a bag of pop chips and a pudding- all appropriate serving sizes, but still, not terribly healthy.  This is week number two of being off track, so that’s frustrating.  However, I have not lighten up a little and allow for craziness and realize that thought crime and smelling nummy things is not going to impact my actual outcome.  I’m ok!

That said, having all of my habits out of whack also means that I feel fat one minute and svelte the next.  I feel hideous one moment and gorgeous the second.  I feel like I’ve got this eating healthy thing down, and then I shrink in horror at some of the choices I make.  I’m not sure if I’m coming or going right now, truth be told.  It’s weird and discomforting.  I feel exhausted from being too vigilant all the time.  I was looking at a picture of my family and me the other day and I missed myself from then.  When I thought about it, I missed the carefree way that I approached life. I missed not thinking and rethinking every choice I make to insure it’s the best one.  You see, these days making a choice to watch tv means missing an opportunity to play with my kids, hang with my husband, work out, research healthy living, write my blog…  I have a bajillion other chores that over complicate my life, most glaring is my health shift and I’m intent on staying on track, but I’m tired!

Anyhow, rant over.  It’s just weird, lately.  And guess who realized reading glasses are heavenly?  Moi!  That’s some soothing balm- I’ve wanted glasses since I realized what glasses were and looked longingly at my big brother’s pair that I wasn’t allowed to touch.  Now I have my very own.  Yay?

One Comment

  1. Paula

    You certainly hit some points here. I was at that point many times. The one where you get exhausted from being so vigilant on everything. I got so burnt out I totally relapsed. I missed the days where I ate because I was hungry & exercised because I wanted to. I have recently gotten back on track, but am taking the strictness out of it. I mean, I don’t want to miss out celebrating a birthday or other event because it is out of plan. These days it is about balance. I want to be healthy but really don’t want it to be my second job.

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