I’ve been close before, on the precipice, really, staring down the tunnel to that light that is in Onederland. You know; anyone who reads here with any regularity knows that I’ve been on the edge of Onderland for ages. Every time I get here I seem to just bounce right back up to 206… 208… 212… 221 (but only in December), but I have never been THIS close.
I can’t remember the last time I officially weighed under 200. What I do remember is that I lost a bunch of weight in my junior year of high school and I remember getting down to my lowest adult weight of 145, realizing that I was ‘done dieting’, and then I stopped and I hit the buffet. The last under-200 weight I remember was about five months later when my baggy work pants felt tight and I hopped on the scale to read it at 173. Within an hour, my dad was walking behind me and noticed my weight gain as well, telling me that I was gaining my weight back. I knew, but I played possum and acted like I was being proactive… But I was seriously done dieting and thought I could just be a normal kid. I didn’t want to do that anymore, so I didn’t. I was 18 then, and the next thing I remember was weighing in at 220. From there I didn’t get on the scale unless I was at the doctor’s office so I have no idea what age I was at when I hit certain numbers. I know 235 when I officially got together with Bradley, I weighed about 255 when I got married, 320 when I got pregnant with Gigi, and 290 with Jude.
I do remember, however, the last time I was on the edge of weighing under 200. I was 16 and had just finished my junior year of high school. My friends and I headed out to a local festival/carnival near my town called Salty Sea Days. I was still losing weight and weighed myself before we left and saw 201. When I came home after a fun night of playing hard at the carnival, I weighed 199. It was that simple; my body didn’t know the significance so it didn’t alert me or anything. I just remember this very quiet, very private celebration in my bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror and crying with disbelief. I started out weighing 260 or so and never thought I could lose weight. But I did.
And I’m doing it again. Only this time I am playing for keeps. This time I’m going to do the work after I reach goal just like I’m doing to reach goal. I’m going to be forgiving of small gains, but vigilant about maintaining my exercise, solid nutrition as well as my commitment to never get over 200 and to panic and immediately slap myself back into life if I ever reach 220 again.
I’ve been pushing myself pretty hard over the past couple of weeks. I made that deal with myself that if I work my hardest and get as close as I can to goal (185 by summer) before the concert on 5/6, that I get to do something fun with/ for NKOTB, and at this point, I think I am totally earning it. I’m losing weight like a boss (that’s a full 20 pounds gone since 1/1/15) and I’m exercising really, really solidly. I ran 19 miles last week and the week before that I ran 17. Yes, they are sloooow 11 minute miles, but still, I’m really pulling my mileage numbers up and I feel proud of that. I’m after that fat burn heart rate of the 130’s-140’s and I’m getting it. I’m problem solving, taking a proactive role; I’m seeing results. Those third- row, floor seats right next to the stage are making my tummy flutter with all the very right stuff that’s going to be in spitting distance of my flipping face. Gracious me. Maybe I’ll even buy a tshirt.
With that in mind though, I’m realizing I need to switch things up a little. Yesterday and today I had hard runs. All of this consistent exercise is great for the fat loss but my body needs a day or two of rest. My muscles are worn out. Today I ended up walking about a quarter mile of the run and yesterday I found myself stopping for any reason I could to hop off the treadmill and take a break. Tomorrow I’m going to try Zumba with two ladies who I work with at the LA Fitness they go to, I think I’m trying out Insanity at the same place on Tuesday, and from there we will see what I want to do. I’m hoping that just switching up the workout from a three plus mile run per day will give my body the break I think it needs, while still burning fat and calories.