Tamara Shazam!

Today I had the opportunity to cruise the awesomeness that is the Bellevue Skate King. I love it when I find a place that so closely resembles the exact experiences I had as a child so a good roller rink gets me pretty excited. And I don’t want a polished and fancy rink (well, maybe that would be kinda cool…), I want the exact rink from my childhood. Fortunately/unfortunately, skating rinks are one of those kinds of places that are patronized enough to keep the business afloat but not enough to get cool new shag carpet or new wheels for the skates. Skating rinks are, generally, 100% retro, still clinging to the carpet-covered mushroom benches, made back when pa opened the rink in 1968! 😉
Anyhow, I was not alone in my quest for the flavor of my childhood days. There were a lot of people there, most of them were novice skaters ranging from ages 4-8. That’s not to say there wasn’t a large population of grown men who were skate-dancing. You know, the guys who artfully turn on one foot, noodle around with crossing the feet, spin this way and that, weave effortlessly between neophytes, go down into crouching positions way more often than necessary… It’s like watching them in their own living room, they seem so gloriously lost. They were there, definitely, doing all of their svelte moves. In all fairness, where does one employ those moves in today’s day and age? I love that they still exist and still show up with their fancy skates, dice and flotsam hanging off of their pristine race-quads.
I skated for two hours with my daughter and her friends before the floor became insanely crowded and one woman broke her ankle by tripping on a little kid who zipped right in front of her. I could see the next tumble being mine, except the little kid would likely be suffering the injury and I really wasn’t game for that level of mind-bend on myself. I had one blister, I was satisfied, I excused myself to leave. I excitedly checked my WiiFitt Meter to find that two hours of skating yielded 1000 steps. Apparently it doesn’t read roller skates! Who cares. Fun and exercise were had!

{Skating rinks across America are responsible for keeping records of the hokey pokey in production. Yes, she meant and said records. And how awkward is it taking a selfie in front of everyone who is looking at the hokey pokey?!?! Pretty stinking awkward!}
Pet peeve of the New Year:
Loose and lose are two different words.
When people say they need to ‘loose’ some weight, it drives me up a wall. That extra ‘o’ makes all the difference in the world:
Lose: the act of shedding and getting rid of something, often never to be returned. I want to ‘lose’ some weight.
Loose: when something does not fit tightly or closely. My belt is too ‘loose’ since I lost weight.
Two totally different words. Usually I don’t make a big stink about grammar rules, because who wants to be that guy, but this is a word that I, personally, see misused more than any other because it so closely relates to my passion project: getting healthy and losing weight!
Besides, I’m a teacher and an English major. I have to be a little picky about some things!
(Please don’t send me the myriad of grammatical nightmare examples found on this website. Long ago I gave up trying to be perfect and just started writing with voice because that’s way more interesting for me to read.)

You know how the New Year begins and you’re all gung-ho with enthusiasm, determination and will-power? Well, it looks like we were like that on the first day of the New Year, but on the second day of the New Year I woke up with some pretty serious pillow creases on my face that were determined to stay there. We did peel ourselves out of the house long enough to take a walk around the block, but the cold air drove us back inside prematurely, to MarioKart, to Gilmore Girls, to pajamas, to books… Yesterday was a two-mugs-of-hot-cocoa kind of day at Lj House.
Today we had to reckon with that and prove that we are in 2015 with heart and purpose. Bradley found a new hike through an app that was supposed to guide us to all kinds of outdoor urban experiences, but really had, like two hikes in our area when there are a bazillion… But it did find us this one!
It’s called the Denny Trail Loop, and it was pretty amazing since it plunged us immediately into a beautiful old growth kind of setting within the first 25 yards. It had decent elevation, but I was a little dismayed at the 1.1 mile distance. We decided to explore an arterial trail, and that’s where it got interesting! There was a stream that we got to cross 3-4 times on very rustic or nonexistent bridges, gorgeous moss-covered trees and a beautiful ravine to marvel over. Because we failed to loop, we ended up in a neighborhood that felt somewhat near to our home, so we decided to just walk the rest of the way home. We weren’t as close as we thought, though, because we ended up adding 3 miles of walking through neighborhoods and ended up walking a little over four miles! It wasn’t as beautiful as the old growth trail, but it was a really fun adventure. To make it home, we turned on Siri who directed us to turn this way or that and gave us the confidence to not feel lost! It was a really fun adventure.

To finish out the day, we turned into mall nerds and intentionally brought books and drawing materials to hang out, drink coffee, write a blog post and enjoy that whole coffee house feel that only a Starbucks in the mall can provide. Seriously, it was way fun! Crossroads Mall is the place to be when you want a taste of mall life in the 1980’s!

To usher in the New 2015 Year, we Lj’s sat around playing video games while eating burrata and brownies- a refined palate for sure- to pass the last of 2014 away. At midnight we ran outside hollering our greetings to the New Year and smootching in exaltation. It was freezing-cold, though, so within two minutes we were inside, in bed and almost fast asleep. I’m telling you- that last 45 minutes before midnight is a killer on New Years Eve night. I’m always sitting with my eyes rolling back and my head jerking back and forth drowsily. Then, after running around all wild at midnight, I’m usually energized and have a tough time settling down. Last night, though, I was out like a light.
This morning we rose and shone and hit the ground, literally, running. Bradley and my son headed out for a run, while I favored a warmer run in my garage. I made it 38 minutes and almost two episodes of Californication (I’ve been marathon watching it guiltily this break!) before I headed out to the streets with Bradley and Martha to brave the brisk, frigid air for a fast walk. It felt like a good way to start the year off on the right foot.
Resolved!
Last year I almost met my resolution of getting under 200, but clearly that went out the window. That said, I’m a firm believer in making goals for the year. As I wrote last year, studies show that people who make resolutions are much more likely to meet those goals. I feel like there’s no loss in trying!
Resolution one: Hit a weight in the 180’s, ideally 185. If I can get lower that that, BOO-yah !
Resolution two: Train for and run a half marathon, ideally the Seattle Rock and Roll Half Marathon. I had to promise to Bradley, however, that I will not compromise my mobility or health in order to accomplish this goal. If I meet a distance that makes me hurt, I won’t push myself further.
Check-in on 2014’s Goals:
Last year my goal was to gain lean muscle mass. I’m not sure how well I did on that. I did attempt to do that, but halfway through the year I realized that I was having a really tough time both losing fat while eating to gain muscle. It seemed easier to focus on the fat for now and the muscle for later. That said, I did go from a size 16-18 to a solid 14 in the year without losing much weight at all. Not including the last two week’s gain, I lost a little over 10 pounds last year. I yo-yo’d between 201-223 this year, mostly between 205-213. I can’t say if the size shift is from a fat loss and muscle gain or if it is simply from my skin shrinking up.
I can say that I’m proud of my exercise this year- I was pretty consistentwith aerobics, but I would like to push myself a little harder. I go back and forth between actually challenging myself and just getting the workout in that burns fat and allows me to maintain some sense of physical ability. I should also be integrating more anaerobic exercise, but meh…
This year I’ll lose the fat. Next year I’ll try to gain some muscle.
Happy New Year!

{somewhat affected face, but I am oddly fond of this selfie for some reason}

There are some things that are simply mortifying. Gaining 15 pounds in one month is pretty much that. Even worse? Going from the precipice of Onederland at 201 to 221 in a season. Yep. I didn’t tell you: my all-time high in 2014 was not 215. Oh no, that would be too easy. I rolled on up past 215 and hit 221 earlier this week. 220 is my panic weight that I’m never ever supposed to pass, so 221 was just horrible. Terrible. I’ve worked too hard to let this happen.
I suppose it’s a really good lesson. I was getting ridiculously comfortable with my newfound confidence, making blanket statements about how I’ve got this and food is no longer a problem and all that. Arrogant. Food is still a problem. Mainly, sugar is still a problem, and boy oh boy is my body ever good at converting those excess calories into fat! And I’m really good at providing the fodder. Let this be a lesson to me that food is and ever will be a problem. I may gain footing as far as control goes, but I can never relax: sugar is my drug of choice and relapsing is incredibly easy, legal and accessing it is so incredibly simple that falling down that rabbit hole is too easy to allow anything but ironclad control, and, unfortunately, consistent exercise does not chase the pounds away as I hoped. I’ve exercised well daily.
Needless to say, I’ve been feeling pretty bad about myself. It’s all things together: the sense of failure at doing something I promised I’d never do again, sliding so far away from being so close to weighing under 200, hitting my panic weight and passing it right on by and then having to report it all here. Having to own it publicly- that’s a hard but, for me, necessary part of the process. I hate being a disappointment to myself and the people who read me here, but then I have to remind myself that it’s ok for everyone to see me fail, momentarily, but it’s also good to see me pulling myself back up, getting back to it and killing those numbers again. I would like to see that for myself and anyone else who wants it.
***

{My best friend Elizabeth and I took our kids to Seattle yesterday and had the best time! I’m so proud of her- she has lost 55 pounds and finally got off of a weight plateau to keep on losing! Woohoo!}
***
So that’s who I’m going to be: the girl who determinedly loses the weight she gained during December and beyond. I refuse to continue to feel bad about myself and I’ve decided simply to take care of this situation. There’s no point in feeling bad- that only makes me want to stay in bed for a million years eating the same crap that got me into this position in the first place.
Imagine, then, my pleasure this morning, at getting on the scale and seeing 215. I had a feeling that some of my December pudge was water weight, and it actually was! Phew! As I step into my more traditional, daily diet, my weight should normalize and I’ll find out how much fat I really gained. Or perhaps I’ll just kick my butt into gear and never find out how much I gained because I managed to lose a little bit before the water even completely came off… That would be nice. But having that loss of water sure did help motivate me to keep on track to lose this 15 plus the remaining 30 that is still want to lose.
2015 will be my year of completion.

I did it. You are likely asking, “What?!” To which I answer I cleaned my house of holiday sweets, rendering my cupboards barren of frosted sugar cookies, fudge, molasses cookies, Oreo Bon-bons and, the most difficult, the remaining pecan sandies which are my absolute favorite, from my very own mama’s kitchen. It is no exaggeration to say I was on the brink of tears as a feeling of panic rose inside of me while I fed each yummy treat into the mouth of the garbage disposal. I started with the easy goodies that I didn’t care as much about, but as I stuffed my mom’s cookies into the sink, I worried that there would be a zombie apocalypse and I would regret throwing away food, I thought of starving people and the shame of actually throwing away perfectly good food because I am so privileged to have so much food that I overeat it to the point of obesity, I thought about my mom getting into a freak accident and that I might be destroying the last batch of cookies that she might ever make for me.
Clearly, this was a traumatic event for me, as silly as it seems, that I came up with such fantastic stories to justify the keeping of the cookies. I’ll admit that I did squirrell away some of the frosted cookies into the freezer for future school lunches, along with a loaf of zucchini bread… And I did let my daughter ferret the traditional German butter cookies up to her room to enjoy at her leisure, but the rest is gone.
I have at once a tremendous sense of relief and an acute sense of fear for what I will do when I feel the need for something sweet.
Here I go- Step 1: ditching the sugar addiction. Scary. It’s silly to admit how unnerved I am at having gotten rid of the stash. I just need to remember that I don’t need to hoard food. If I want something again, I can always go to the store, and really, I’m going to be just fine. 🙂

The bad news: Nutrition
I remember last January when I weighed in at over 220 and just freaking out and being so angry that my weight had skyrocketed so much just from one, darn month! I swore to myself that I wouldn’t do that again. I swore that I would use self control, avoid sweets and just charge on through without even a sniff thrown at a cookie, a piece of fudge or some delicious cheesy potatoes.
Oh my. How resolute I was 11 months ago. It’s funny how I’m the exact opposite of that now. Fudge? Yes, please. Coffee tastes better with leftover sugar cookies. So does fudge. And anything else. Cookies are best eaten in groups of 3-5 and meals follow afternoons of nibbling and sampling this and that which are laying here and there, and my tummy grumbles when it gets the least bit close to empty.
In short, I have a problem again. Or, problems.
I have a sugar addiction. I’m always hungry. I’m saying yes to myself ALL the time. I’m craving bad foods all the time, now. I stopped saying no. I’m justifying poor choices as valid, nutritious options. My nutrition is awful and my waistline is reflecting that. I weigh 215, my belt went from being tightened down to 3 notches in to the first outermost notch, the clothes Bradley tried on me a few short weeks ago don’t fit and I want to binge every night! I need to get this under control. Seriously.

{this is one of the dresses purchased for me, tried on and fitted a few short weeks ago… now too tight to wear for more than a picture 🙁 }
The good news?
I’m keeping my commitment to exercise!
I’ve hit my exercise goals every day of running for 20 or more minutes and making 10,000 steps per day! It’s been great! I even ran on Christmas Day. That is my level of dedication, people. Running has been getting easy-peasy again and I’m hardly breathing hard enough so I’ve been having to hike up the speed on the treadmill. To meet the steps, Bradley and I have been taking a walk every day as well and dragging the kids on local (freezing cold) hiking adventures. It’s been really helpful to have the goals to guide me. Were I not keeping track, it would be quite easy to stay under 2000 steps per day.
The solid exercise patterns should definitely help me as I start working into a more productive weightloss cycle. I wrote to my coworkers before break, asking who would like to join me as I try to banish my last bit of weight. I’m employing some of that solid determination I used so well earlier in my project to propel me forward, but I’ll admit that it’s difficult. I’m hoping that together, as a community, we can lean on one another to stay strong in the New Year.
I think as my first step, I’m going to throw away the cookies and goodies. Do you have any idea how difficult that is for me even to write?! Having them around is such a huge temptation to me though. A temptation that is proving too strong for me. Getting rid of that stuff will put me back on track and will help rid me of my sugar addiction and snack/binge habit that I’ve developed. I remember just a few months ago remarking that the food monster didn’t have me in it’s hold anymore. I suppose it’s harder to beat it away amidst all of the December sweetness.
Onward and forward to a healthier and happier version of myself in 2015!

Cheers to you and yours!
It’s Christmas Eve and I have a few few moments to update here.
I’ve been a good little tin soldier this break. So far, I have met my goal to run for at least 20 minutes per day, I’ve gone for a walk every day and I’ve met my goal of taking 10,000 steps or more per day! Woot woot! Just running, I’ve gone a little under ten miles in the last five days. Would it be that I’ve also lost weight?
That would be a big, fat NOPE.
I actually weighed in at 215 yesterday. It was a good thing to check in, to know the damage done, to be able to dial it back before it gets worse.
Tomorrow I’ll feast, yes. I’ll run, too, but tomorrow is for not thinking about things. For enjoying life as it comes. That doesn’t mean going nuts, but tomorrow I’ll love everyone and everything and be sensible but celebrate with a little bit of food and drink alongside the gifts and yums.
Merry Christmas 🙂

{on Thursday I wore The Grinch and my ‘Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins shirt with elf slippers on Friday for our read-in}
I finished out the last day of school before Christmas yesterday. There are developmental shifts observed among students when a teacher changes grade levels, but sometimes it’s surprising how mature one group is when compared to another. As a third and fourth grade teacher, I didn’t have to change much as the holidays approached. Second graders are a totally different animal though. I had a super fun week, everything went well, but the energy level present in my room was quite intense. I worked hard all week. Hard! The last kid left, I prepped a few things for January’s return and then I was quite happy to settle into a happy-hour-drinking-stool for the next two hours, letting the balm of hummus and sangria soothe away the insanity of the previous week. Such a satisfying moment.
Speaking of, I’m so happy with my new coworkers. There was a work party par-tay last week the blew the roof off of any party I’ve been to since I was barely 21. I sang Like a Virgin and Desire off-key with, first, the wife of one of my new friends then the friend himself, and cozied up, sardine-style, on the sofa with the rest of them. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked with some amazing people at my previous schools, and each staff seems to fit me better than the previous one, but I feel like I’ve walked into family here. Like all the parts of me fit in pretty well. Or I know how to be now. I don’t care, it feels good. The love is pretty profound and I’m so happy. It makes teaching seem like a hobby I get to do every day instead of a job I have to go to.
***
I was a pretty good kid this week. I ran on the treadmill tree times and managed to only eat 2-3 pieces of fudge per day. Don’t worry- I dialed it back on the veggies to make up for it! Kidding, of course. I’m still eating my veggies, I’ve just added about half a cup of sugar per day into my diet. Everything just tastes sooooo good! And there’s so much of it all! I doubled a batch of fudge thinking there would be a larger sized Pyrex’s worth, and I ended up needing a huge Costco cookie sheet instead. We had more than enough to give a lot away and plenty left over to eat ourselves. I wish I were the type of person who would squirt it all down with dish soap and throw it away, but I just can’t. It feels too wasteful.
I was reading Katie from Runs For Cookies today and she expressed the same issue I’m having. Last year I had no problem saying no to myself. I treated myself, yes, but felt like I limited it better. It seems like now I have no limits and always say yes. I need to get that back in control.
I have to say that I know I’m better than I was. I know I’m better because I gained 10 pounds last year. The scale is not shifting this year. I think what I want is to be better than before, be better than I am today. That would be a tremendous gift to myself. I hate losing that gain in January! I’m seeing a lot of temptation, it gets overwhelming and I react to thought crime. That said, I fully admit that I’m enjoying my share of fudge. Unfortunately, I’m a very good baker and candy maker.
I decided that for now, I just have to move a lot every day to counteract the pudge that is certainly trying it’s best to come back. I’m making a valiant effort. I ran today on the treadmill and solicited a promise for a night walk to look at Christmas lights in our neighborhood from my family. I will probably take some more steps on the treadmill, too. That’s my plan for break: run for 20 minutes every day and get 10,000 steps. I can do that.
Cheers for holiday!

We woke up to frost and sunshine this morning and my body was grateful. The Lj’s shuffled out the door, all sullen and grouchy, blinded by the bright sun, unsure if we should even be in the sun anymore. It felt like it had been a long time since we had seen her and we were feeling rather vampiric. I find that when we lay around and don’t do a lot physically we Lj’s get pretty crabby. My kids were picking at one another, irritated at every utterance, every brush, and if I heard ‘he’s touching me!’ type of exclamations one more time… So we got in the car to get on some trails. It took just a few moments until the grouchiness began to fade and we embraced our walk in the woods.

It also took just a few steps to realize how out of shape we’ve become during the fall. I mean, we can still get around and we’re not doing terribly, but some people in our family have become more sedentary than others and were kinda outta breath, hating on the hills big time! We made it out just fine, however, with a solid reminder that we ALL need to be getting outside more often.

We’ve had some pretty terrific storms around here of late and there was evidence of it all through the park. In addition to the branches strewn about, a number of trees had fallen across the trail, some too large to be moved just yet, so we had to crawl under them; it was pretty exciting and fascinating to see this place we know so well look so different from the last time we had been there.
We came home, watched Christmas movies, and perhaps one Lj was seen in the early evening, jogging on the treadmill, back at it again.
(Pssst- it was ME! 😉 )
😉