It Finally Happened


On Sunday night I woke up with pain in my hip.  Pain acute enough that I ended up on the bathroom floor, twice, with that cold, clammy, sweaty, nauseous feeling.  Where you feel like you might pass out but you don’t actually?  Yeah.  That kind of pain.  I woke up the next morning, though, feeling frisky enough.  My hip still hurt, but nothing to worry about, right?  I went to work that day and my hip spasmed a few times, but I thought, again, this was no biggie.  That night it happened again- except worse and a few more times.  The next night the same, until this morning I was having Bradley help dress me as I literally cried.  I decided to bite the bullet, slough off the denial, call in a sub for the afternoon and go to the doctors.  I came home with a prescription for muscle relaxers and no running for about three months.  I can walk, I can be mildly active, but I can’t do anything strenuous, involving my hip.  I have what’s called sciatica, I guess, and it’s a compressed nerve and resulting spasming something or other…  clearly I was paying close attention, but I feel like I’m having a constant charley horse that radiates out from the ball of my hip, up and down my leg.  I’m walking with a limp and everything.  My training has been solid enough that my doctor couldn’t pinpoint a reason for the injury.  It seems to have come out of nowhere- it’s not even the hip that usually hurts at all.  She did say I’m lucky it starts in my hip rather than my back, and that points to a speedier recovery than the other version.   But anyway…


[ Cap’n Awesome will return!]

I kept wondering if I should do my half marathon on Sunday and obviously that’s definitely not happening.  Bradley said that perhaps this is Mother Nature telling me to slow down for a season.  There’s a part of me that feels relieved.  I can let up the pressure and recover through the holidays.  What a gift, right?  I can guiltlessly avoid running for months.  But holy cow if that doesn’t terrify me.  Running is how I keep from gaining weight.  Running is how I prove my dedication to myself.  It’s like proving to myself, the limits I will go to, to stay healthy and alive.  Letting it go is sort of like letting my fat girl back in and I really don’t want to let that happen.  So I’m approaching this with caution, for sure, and an open mind for how I can continue to move forward with my health, but I’m totally freaking out.